Feeling down

[blowry]

Has anyone ever feel their heart break? I mean you actually have a hurt in your chest...not a pain...a hurt...This is my second marriage..We were married 7 yrs on November 27. I was 42 and my husband was 39. He doesn't have any children and never been married before. I had been married for 19 yrs and have to beautiful daughters that are my world. I am love and am in love with my husband...very much. I know he loves me and is in love with me but, my heart tells me that we probably shouldn't have gotten married...It's a long story so I won't go into it but, his Mom died right after we met and his father was totally out of his life until this past July (we didn't even know if he was alive) I thought this would make him open his eyes and he would change...he hasn't...he wants me to have everything but, HE comes first...he is an only child and has never had to share anything...It's been a difficult road for me as I am a very giving person. I have always done for him, gone out of my way for him and never complained...In 2002 he hit a car head on while on his motorcycle...he is very lucky to be alive...he almost lost his leg...he was out of work for 6 months and on IV meds which, I administered every 6 hours for 3 weeks. I had to bathe him...I did everything for him and ....never complained...I do things for him because I love him...he is my husband...anytime I ask him to help me he gives me a hard time...sometimes I think he forgets everything that I do for him without even thinking about it. I am feeling really sad right now...I haven't been able to find a job and with Christmas this weekend I can't buy gifts like I usually do. I do have the furbabies that keep me going. He just doesn't understand...even if I try to talk to him...he turns everything around to make it seem like it's me...He has been drinking way to much and when I talk to him about this he tells me to leave the house if I don't like it...one of the reasons I left my first husband was because he is a binge alcoholic that was very verbally abusive....I jumped from the frying pan into the fire...This husband is the same only he is emotionally abusive also...I don't want to leave him although, he has told me that he has thought of leaving me due to the fact that he could have alot more if he didn't have me....I cry alot but, not around him....He was on meds that treat bipolar...I truly believe he is....he won't believe anything that I say...he thinks I am trying to make him think he is losing his mind...he has horrible mood swings and several other symptoms,...I was really glad when he went on the meds and saw an improvement...he claims he didn't see any difference in himself...well...he went off the meds...I am praying to God that he helps me with this as I don't want to go through another divorce and I do love him with all of my heart...sometimes I just don't think he cares..

I'm sorry I am being such a downer being this close to Christmas but, I just needed to type this and get it out and I know my WT family is always there for me..

Thank you for listening

Brenda~

[Tink]

Brenda, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have had years of experience with a bipolar family member, so have some idea what you're living with. Many bi-polars choose not to take their meds because when they're MANIC, they feel WONDERFUL! They feel like they just won the lottery, they're indestructible and walking on air. What they don't realize is that they take risks that destroy the lives of those who love them in the mean time.

When they're Depressed, they're too low to care if they take meds. They'd just as soon die as to have to wake up another morning. Getting out of bed requires too much effort. They cycle between these 2 extremes with little or no even ground in between. Some cycle rapidly, others much more slowly. Most do have a rhythm that you can almost come to expect after a while. Either way, they're not someone you can count on to be there for you. They aren't healthy, so can't participate in healthy relationships.

What this does to those who love them is horrific. Sadly, there's nothing you can do to make him take care of his problem. He's not being rational. It's not his fault he has this problem, but it IS his responsibility to do something about it. Whether he is capable of doing it is up to him. All you can do is to take care of yourself and decide where to draw the line. Either you can live with things the way they are or you can't. If you can't, it's totally understandable to me. I really don't believe I could.

You might give him an ultimatum of going back on meds or you're done, but if you do, you have to be prepared for him to refuse. If he's not accountable to anyone, he doesn't have to deal with this... and that's how many choose to live. It's almost easier for a bi-polar NOT to be married, as that frees them up to live their extreme moods in their own twisted way.

I'll keep you in my prayers. I truly hope he decides to get help and you can find some balance in your marriage.

[Mandy]

Hi Brenda, i'm sorry you going through this. Hope everything works out for you both!
Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Cheer up girl, we are here for you

[Janet]

Oh Brenda, my heart is just aching for you! I think Tink has given you some wonderful advice. It's up to you to decide how much you will take and for how long. Remember though that life is too short to live with heartache day in and day out. You might also want to seek counceling for yourself, to see why this is the type of man/husband you've picked twice. We all do things, not matter what it is, for a reason....you need to find out why..... so it will never happen again.

I'll keep you in my prayers sweetie....

[Marilyn]

Brenda, my heart goes out to you, too. Do you have a strong church family??? If not, you may consider finding one. You need some strong loving support. Our blood families can sometimes provide this, but they may be too close to the issue to give you the comfort & reassurance that you really need. You need someone to talk to in person who can help you cope, either a councelor, who may be expensive if you insurance won't cover, or a church family who don't ask a lot, but have a lot to give.

You and your husband are in my prayers.

[khardy57]

Brenda,
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It's very dealing with a person who's bi-polar. I know, I have a family who is bi-polar. I will be praying for you and for your husband. It took a life and death situation for my family member to realize that he had to be responsible for himself.

God bless you.