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Old 12-27-2006, 06:17 PM   #1
Janet
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Just Not Going To Work!

I took my Mother to the Dr. today. Again, we exchanged words in a not so kind way. She couldn't remember things that she needed to tell the Doctor so on our way home, I suggested that she start writing things down...dates, what happened, what Drs. said...etc. I told her that's what I do and that I have an index card in my purse that lists the medicines I take, how many doses and what size (like what milligram..). She just got real smart mouth on me and said "Well I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you are." I told her she didn't need to speak that way with me I was only trying to be helpful...she said something else smart (that I blocked, I guess) so I told her I was tired of trying....no more...she was on her own.

She leaves for Florida on January 5th and I hope she stays there. I will not be speaking with her before she leaves. I told my husband that if she calls..I'm not home, in bed, in the bath...whatever!!! Just too toxic for me to deal with and here it is 4 hours later and I'm still crying and upset. I don't need this.

I know she is my Mother and I do "think" I love her, but I know I don't like her.

Please don't think awful of me...I know we are suppose to Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother...but it is just too draining on me emotionally. I try, but nothing works, so I'm done.
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Old 12-27-2006, 06:34 PM   #2
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Janet, I don't think you're bad at all. Some people simply aren't good for us! It's not healthy to keep making ourselves unhappy by trying to deal with them when they have no interest in working with us on it.

HUGS and keep your chin up. You're still TOPS in my book.
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Old 12-27-2006, 08:44 PM   #3
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Awww, ((((((Janet)))))), so sorry that this is happening to you. I think sometimes people, especially older people just get frustrated with it all and lash out. Their family is the biggest target because they think they can get away with it, and perhaps get some sympathy, but it hurts even more when it comes from your mother.

You are a wonderful, caring person!!!!!
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Old 12-28-2006, 04:11 AM   #4
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Thank you Tink and Marilyn. I just feel so awful that things are the way they are. The thing of it is I know in my heart of hearts that part of it is my fault too. I know how she is and I always have this wall up...just in case and she never fails me. She always says something in a hurtful way. Sometimes it's not the words she says, but the hateful way she says them. She's 83, I'm 51, we've never been really close, but I always thought and wanted it to be better.

This probably sounds awful..but I'm afraid if I can't make it better that when she does pass on...I'm going to have so many regrets for not trying harder. It's just that if you give her an inch, she tries to take more and it just never stops. If I was to deny her..she gets angry and says no one cares...well how can they? When all she wants to do is take from them?

I didn't have time to take her home first before taking my son to the ball game, so I let him drive so he could "show off" in front of Grandma. It was the first time she had ever rode with him. She didn't say anything...not "good job" not "you're a fine driver"...nothing. She only wants to recieve compliments, never give them out.

Look at this....all I wanted to do was thank you two for being so compassionate to my situation, but here it is morning now...and I'm still upset and writing a book.
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Old 12-28-2006, 05:47 AM   #5
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oh wow....Moms and daughters can be so complicated. My cousin went thru similar with her mom and her mom DID pass away 2 months ago - she's going thru hell now because she feels she didn't show her enough at the end....All I can say is try to put the past behind you as she is up in years. She's your mom and she isn't going to change at this point....but it MAY affect you later and for that reason alone I'd say try to just overcome those hard feelings.....

I'm really close to my mom and can't imagine what you're going thru - I know talk is easy from my end but we only have our parents for so long then we're on our own.....I dread the day I get that call about either of mine and being that they're both 78 ...it's very near.

Sorry things aren't better for you and hugs to you - I'm sure you do your best and that's all we can do
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Old 12-28-2006, 05:54 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by red98vett
oh wow....Moms and daughters can be so complicated. My cousin went thru similar with her mom and her mom DID pass away 2 months ago - she's going thru hell now because she feels she didn't show her enough at the end....All I can say is try to put the past behind you as she is up in years. She's your mom and she isn't going to change at this point....but it MAY affect you later and for that reason alone I'd say try to just overcome those hard feelings.....

I'm really close to my mom and can't imagine what you're going thru - I know talk is easy from my end but we only have our parents for so long then we're on our own.....I dread the day I get that call about either of mine and being that they're both 78 ...it's very near.

Sorry things aren't better for you and hugs to you - I'm sure you do your best and that's all we can do
Thanks V, I appreciate your advice. I did say I was "done" and really I want to be "done", but I don't think I really am. It's just so hard trying to climb a ladder that never ends. Her health isn't the greatest now anyway...maybe if I try harder...I don't know...I don't think my feelings will change, but maybe if I at least keep trying....I won't have any regrets. I'm just sooo tired....
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