Why did you decide to have children?

[Ponyup]

Back story: I am 26 years old, my husband & I have been married 4 years. I always wanted children I thought my calling in life was to be an awesome mom. This was discussed before we were married & my husband decided it would be best to wait at least 3 years. Well by the time my 3 year anniversary rolled around I decided I didn't want children, my husband is okay with this....however, other people in my life or not. It's not that I don't like children I love them, & it's not that I don't think I'd be a good mom. It's just that my childhood, school years were absolutely miserable & I think society & the school system have gone down the drain since then (this is no way a slam at teachers I think you do the best you can with what you are allowed to do). I substitute taught in a small public school system & I was just apalled at the way the kids acted & what they knew already & talked about. I just not sure that is something I want to send an innocent child into. I am just very nervous that even if I do a great job what are they going to learn at school, how do I unteach that kind of stuff, how do I keep them on a straight path when it's the uncool thing to do. I just not sure it's fair to bring a child into that situation just because it's something I am supposed to do. Please let me know what your experiences have been in these areas.

Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to people that are having children right now, that you are bad people or anything....these are just the thoughts going through my head.

[RLC12345678]

I know exactly what you mean. I am 22 (will be 23 in 1 month) and I don't have children yet, but I have always thought that I wanted LOTS of children. Hubby and I are waiting until are careers are stable enough to have children (which will be probably 5 years), but I am worried that by that time rolls around I won't want children anymore. I mean, this world is not getting to be an any better place to live. Do I really want my children growing up in a world full of hate and vulgarity?

[Jlynn]

You need to make a decision that works for you and your husband. You're still young and may change your mind later, but if neither of you want kids now, why WOULD you? Don't worry about others opinions (including mine) because that's all they are.

DH and I came to this decision several years ago, and are now married 20 years without kiddos. Our reasons made sense to us, and eventually, people do stop pestering! We've managed to make friends with several couples who, for whatever reason, also don't have children. It IS a choice. Now, if only I could talk him into another yorkie

Good luck to you whatever you decide to do!

My Husband was 36 when he had his first child. Before that he helped me raise My son from another marriage

[Kimberley]

There is nothing wrong with how you feel. Looking back, I don't know that I would have had children. We live in really bad times and everyday, I'm scared at what my kids will have learned in school.

If people butt into your business about kids, just tell them...

"After much deliberation and seeing how YOUR kids turned out, I decided that I didn't want an early death! I enjoy life too much!"

[Mandy]

When i look around me, at my friends and family who all have 2 or more kids, i'm happy we only have 1.
Don't get me wrong, i love kids, but the worry that comes with kids these days, and i find that kids are not allowed to enjoy their childhood like we used to, they are forced to grow up fast! It's not fair!

[Amber_lv]

first one was a whoops but we wanted a sibling for him and i wanted another baby so we had our 2nd one

[Mandy78]

You need to follow your own heart on this one.

I am 28, married almost 2 years, and still do not want children. I have my reasons too. SOme are very personal and others are along the same lines as what your thoughts are on this. Things are soooo different today then they were even 10 years ago. One of my issues is that parents do not discipline thier kids enough and they act out. I work in a hair salon, and they bring their kids with them to thier hair appts. GRRRR....The kids play witht the chairs, try to grab water hoses fromt he sink, spray people with water, pull products down from retail shelves, run thru the place while we are holding SHARP scissors, grab HOT irons....and so on and so on....and all the while, the parents rarely say anything. I don't get it.
When a parent DOES discipline a child in the shop, I do tell them how much I appreciate them doing so....But its everywhere you go....

Now I love children, I really do! I have nieces and nephews and many of my friends are having kids! And I have fun with them! But I really do not think parenthood is for me. My hubby feels the same way.

And when I tell people that I am not sure about having kids, and they get mad at me and say how could you not have kids, I tell them what I am thinking. I don't hold back. Not everyone who is married HAS to have children.

So again... follow your heart, and this is only a desicion you and your hubby and your faith can make!!!!!

I am a mother of 3 children,ages 15,11,and 5. They are my whole world,and I couldnt immagine my life without them,but I am SOOO Happy my youngest is in all day kindergarten now,because I finally get some me time . So, I think whatever decision you make you should be happy and dont worry about the others. Live your life for you.

I'm glad to read that I'm not alone on this. I have been married for almost five years and neither one of us want to have children. I don't have a maternal instinct. I don't want the big responsibilty of being a parent. If it happens (I'm making sure that doesn't happen ) well, it happens but is not something we are looking forward to it. Just my opinion.
My three kids are Chikis( Chihuahua), Jerome(Yorkie) and Kiki( cat) and they are my whole life and world, well hubby too.

[Janet]

We wanted kids, but eventually had to adopt. I didn't want everyone to know about all the infertility stuff we were going through, it was a roller coaster ride from the start. So when people were so rude to ask when were we having kids, I just asked them..."why do you want to know?" Some would just say they were just curious, and then I would say, "well you know what happened to the cat." Just ignore them, or think of a snappy comeback for their intrusive questions. It's no ones business and each of us have to make our own decisions and not have to defend them.

[Miss_Sara]

I DEFINTLY agree with you
I'm thinking about it and you're absolutely right,
I've heard millions of stories about 10 year old drug addicts, and kids that are sexually active in elementary school.
and thinking about it I knew a lot when I was 8 years old!

but that isn't a reason not to have kids
because you REALIZE this
you'll be a great mom! You just have to make sure that you
do everything in your power to influence your children to have the right mindset.
to make sure that you inform them about things they don't learn at school
etc.
now you really have to be strict with kids at a young age, and teach them about how to be good people and how their decisions will deeply impact their lives, you'll make them good kids!

I think that you sound like you'd make a wonderful mother
but I'm NOT trying to change your mind at ALL!