Working out friendships

judy · 06-14-2007, 09:30 AM

Since I retired, I don't get to see the friends I worked with too often. They're working, and busy on the weekends with their chores, families, etc. I made up my mind to try my hardest to maintain relationships with the people I really care about, whatever their immediate response.

For example, one friend has had an upgrade in her responsibilities at work, just became a grandmother, takes care of her elderly mother, her husband and difficult son. I invited her and 2 other friends out for my 60th birthday, but only 1 from that group could make it. This friend claimed financial issues and the other one was busy that night. I love them both, and there's always more to the story than meets the eye, but I decided not to take it personally and will continue to try to get together with them.

I'm seeing the friend who went to dinner with me tonight. I'd love to just pick her up from work and go out for a cup of coffee and visit for a couple of hours. She's just not that way. So - I'm going to her house, I have to stay for dinner with her husband and father, she called me twice about the menu, etc., etc. It's a good thing I love her, because this is a lot of work!

The funny part of it is that I can't eat. I'm going through major dental work and really can't eat out. I have a temporary, kind of delicate, removable bridge so I eat at home where I can remove it and not worry about it breaking. It's not a big deal at all. She knows this too, but can't seem to not be the hostess of the year.

I'm exhausted already!

AngieDoogles · 06-14-2007, 09:41 AM

Aww, I'm sorry this is a difficult time for you in some of your friendships. Major life changes always have an adjustment period and I'm sure you'll find the perfect way to deal with this in time.

Sometimes friendships are just difficult, but if you are willing to work, it will be worth it in the end! *hugs*

I hope you have fun at your friend's dinner even if you can't eat. At least you get to enjoy her company.

Tink · 06-14-2007, 10:06 AM

Judy, I think it's wonderful that you're making the effort to continue these friendships. It's all too easy (and common) to let them slide and regret it later.

Mandy · 06-14-2007, 01:22 PM

Judy, you rock girl!! Its wonderful of you to not let go of those friendships. Your friends are very lucky to have you around!!

Janet · 06-14-2007, 04:48 PM

Judy it's great that you are willing to put forth the effort to maintain these friendships. I didn't nurture a few of mine as I should have and now we don't speak very often, still good friends, just don't make contact enough. Some have moved farther away, which makes it difficult for me, but I should have put forth more effort. Seems like there is always something to do and when not, I'm just beat. Why can't life be more simple like it use to be....

judy · 06-14-2007, 05:11 PM

Thanks for all of your support guys! I just came home from my friend's house, and it was wonderful. She made the best pea soup I have ever tasted! I took Max, who immediately pooped on her floor, but she has cats so was fine about it.

We had a wonderful visit and it was well worth the effort expended. Good friendships have to be worked on, but what you get back is priceless.

06-14-2007, 09:30 AM	#1
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	Working out friendships Since I retired, I don't get to see the friends I worked with too often. They're working, and busy on the weekends with their chores, families, etc. I made up my mind to try my hardest to maintain relationships with the people I really care about, whatever their immediate response. For example, one friend has had an upgrade in her responsibilities at work, just became a grandmother, takes care of her elderly mother, her husband and difficult son. I invited her and 2 other friends out for my 60th birthday, but only 1 from that group could make it. This friend claimed financial issues and the other one was busy that night. I love them both, and there's always more to the story than meets the eye, but I decided not to take it personally and will continue to try to get together with them. I'm seeing the friend who went to dinner with me tonight. I'd love to just pick her up from work and go out for a cup of coffee and visit for a couple of hours. She's just not that way. So - I'm going to her house, I have to stay for dinner with her husband and father, she called me twice about the menu, etc., etc. It's a good thing I love her, because this is a lot of work! The funny part of it is that I can't eat. I'm going through major dental work and really can't eat out. I have a temporary, kind of delicate, removable bridge so I eat at home where I can remove it and not worry about it breaking. It's not a big deal at all. She knows this too, but can't seem to not be the hostess of the year. I'm exhausted already! __________________ *Judy*

06-14-2007, 09:41 AM	#2
AngieDoogles Donating 4WT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 6,509	Aww, I'm sorry this is a difficult time for you in some of your friendships. Major life changes always have an adjustment period and I'm sure you'll find the perfect way to deal with this in time. Sometimes friendships are just difficult, but if you are willing to work, it will be worth it in the end! hugs I hope you have fun at your friend's dinner even if you can't eat. At least you get to enjoy her company. __________________ "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~MT

06-14-2007, 10:06 AM	#3
Tink Donating 4WT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Rural Wisconsin Posts: 3,707	Judy, I think it's wonderful that you're making the effort to continue these friendships. It's all too easy (and common) to let them slide and regret it later. __________________ 'A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in.. And how many want out.' England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair'

06-14-2007, 01:22 PM	#4
Mandy Donating 4WT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Who cares! Posts: 4,587	Judy, you rock girl!! Its wonderful of you to not let go of those friendships. Your friends are very lucky to have you around!! __________________ Many people will walk in and out your life, but only true friends leave footprints!

06-14-2007, 04:48 PM	#5
Janet Moderator Donating 4WT 18K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 21,624	Judy it's great that you are willing to put forth the effort to maintain these friendships. I didn't nurture a few of mine as I should have and now we don't speak very often, still good friends, just don't make contact enough. Some have moved farther away, which makes it difficult for me, but I should have put forth more effort. Seems like there is always something to do and when not, I'm just beat. Why can't life be more simple like it use to be.... __________________ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. ECCLESIASTES 3:1

06-14-2007, 05:11 PM	#6
judy Donating 4WT Yakker Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Denver, NY Posts: 8,097	Thanks for all of your support guys! I just came home from my friend's house, and it was wonderful. She made the best pea soup I have ever tasted! I took Max, who immediately pooped on her floor, but she has cats so was fine about it. We had a wonderful visit and it was well worth the effort expended. Good friendships have to be worked on, but what you get back is priceless. __________________ *Judy*

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