Sad...

[AngieDoogles]

I'm in computer science class right now, and I'm so frustrated that I'm on the verge of tears. I know I have a lot to be thankful for in my marriage, but sometimes it's just so hard.

Let me explain. I HATE being late to anything. Brendon knows this, yet I have the hardest time getting him to leave on time when we have classes together or appointments or even just meeting friends. Tonight is the fourth class in a row we've been late to. (Only a few minutes each time, but even that little amount is enough to REALLY stress me out.) Because I get so stressed and frustrated when I'm late, we tend to argue about it and my patience at that point is practically non-existent which makes it that much worse.

I just feel so unloved because he KNOWS that one thing I need in my life is to be on time. He knows how much it stresses me to be late and how frantic and nervous I become. It's such a simple thing to be ready on time. Why can't he do that for me???

Thanks for letting me rant... (Maybe I should have put this in the vent section)

[AngieDoogles]

So by the end of class, I was feeling much better. Sorry for venting...

[Mandy]

You vent all you want girl, you know *men* there are things they just "dont get" what i have noticed many times, is that they seem to worry differently to us, and about very different/other things.

Glad you are feeling better.

[Janet]

It's just not men. My in-laws were late all the time. I would have a birthday party for my son when he was little, invite my side and his. Mine were always there on time or a little early and his side could be over an hour late. After a couple years of this...yeah...patient as he** wasn't I?...lol I decided if they were not there at the scheduled time...then I would start without them. It didn't help, but I was no longer frustrated and upset about it. They came when they came. I didn't hold meals or anything after that.

We also tried telling them an earlier time..didn't seem to help much. Angie, just go on without him if you can. Sure does save the frustration. It's just not that important to some people..., but I'm like you...I am always on time or a few minutes early and if the guys aren't ready...they get left behind.

[katepoet]

Maybe his being late - being able to make that choice - is just as important to who he is as being on time is to you. Otherwise, since is he your best friend and he does love you, he'd obviously support you by being on time.

I read an article once about conflict resolution and negotiation for international issues that said when you have a seemingly unresolvable problem - two sides wanting two incompatible goals - make the pie bigger! In other words, bring more into the negotiations so everyone gets something for whatever they give up.

So what does Brendon need to make it easier to be on time for the most important things to you such as classes? Besides advanced notice, what will lower his stress level or up his happiness quotient so he can add the stress of trying to be on time more consistently?

Maybe also say you'd like to be early by at least 10 minutes so you can pick a good seat and be relaxed with your pen and notebook ready when the lecture starts. If you start aiming for an earlier time for a good reason, maybe you'll at least hit your minimum time.

[DianaB]

This is one of my biggest pet peeves and I know how you feel, Angie. My husband is always late too unless it's something he's involved in. And I can relate to what Janet said about his family. I think that they only set a time to begin because that's what normal people are suppose to do but then they ignore it. We've learned that going to my husband's family get-togethers means going 1-2 hours later than they tell us AND that's when everyone else shows up too!

My husband will come home 20 minutes before we have to be somewhere. It will take him 10 minutes to shower and dress and it takes us 10 minutes to get to town. It's always very rushed and usually I'm fustrated. I've started going ahead and leaving earlier and he can go in when he's ready.

Kate, you have some good advice!!!