17 yr old daughter, need I say more?

[cajo39556]

I feel like I cant do a single thing right these days. My daughter is 17 and a Jr in high school. Her grades are very important this year and next. She is a very smart child, just not applying herself. She had an F and two D's on her last report card. I grounded her off her cell phone, and she is not allowed to go off to friends. This last weekend she wanted to go stay with friends, and go to the Rennaisance Fair in Hammond. I said NO, you are grounded. Well...I am dirt now. She says she is having a nervous breakdown cause she cant get out of the house. She has only been home for 2 weekends now. Not like she has been confined to her bedroom for months. Now, I am the worst mother alive, I just cant get her to understand how important her grades are right now. If she plans to get a grant or anything for college, she needs those grades decent. Is anyone else going through all this. Do you get told you are a bad mom, and how you dont care.

I do try, her dad is a severe alcoholic and that messes with her. She just over looks him now that she is older. She does not see him very often though, which is a good thing to me. I dont keep her away from him, but she stays away on her own. Any opinions are appreciated. I am at my wits end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Cathy

[Tink]

Cathy, I have 3 grown kids. BTDT... and I know it's NOT easy!
You are doing the absolute right thing. You have to be firm and consistent in spite of her backlash. If you slip up she's gone... and you won't get her back.

My kids were all a challenge in their own way. I battled with them on a regular basis and now they tell me they're glad I did even though at the time I really felt they hated me for it. They do eventually outgrow the rebellion and come to realize that you were just being a good loving parent and protecting them from their own teen angst.

Hang in there. Time is the only cure.

[toodles]

gosh...i hope it gets better for you. I will be there in 10 years and i know i will remember this thread my girl is going to be STUBBORN...she is already thick headed and strong willed. I am in for it.

i think you are doing right by standing your ground. she will get over feeling like you are the enemy. she will thank you one day

[Gina]

Cathy. My mom use to always say to me better they cry than you. <children> How true is this.. Your doing the right thing, stand your ground, you are not her friend, you are her mother. I always told my daughter that I am not running a popularity contest. Someday she will thank you. Girls are very hard to get along with and rebellous in their teen years.

I to have a 20 yr.old girl. She is doing wonderfully in school, I was always strict with her to a degree, I am very proud of her today. She still has a big mouth with me every so often, I know deep in her heart she appreciates the way I raised her....

This will pass

[Mandy]

Cathy, it's good to see you here, glad you made it!!


Kids that age dont seem to realise how important their grades are, you not alone on this, my son is the same "happy go lucky" school is, well just that. He has to sit down, and do school work for 1 1/2 hour each night for me now, hes grades dropped this first semester, so now i too am putting my foot down.

You are a good mom, she will appreciate you later on. This is not an easy age.

[katepoet]

Hi Cathy
I always have the odd-woman-out opinion on teens here on 4WT. So, here it goes again! lol

Teens who are capable and bright and struggling often have an allergy to the school and or home environment or to the foods they are eating. Standard allergy testing is full of false negatives but there is a better form of testing that can find out what's going on. It's called P/N or provocation/neutralization and has been around since the 1950's. It takes longer so it hasn't been as popular as standard testing but it is much better.

In addition, she may have nutritional deficiencies. Try a Buffered Vitamin C for stress for both of you - I like one of Nutricology's supplement that is derived from beets or cassava - low allergen foods. Make sure she is taking iron and folic acid with the C as an iron shortage due to menstruation can cause fatigue. Iron also absorbs better with C.

Sit down with her and explain that her body's hormones and immune system may be making her life harder - this kind of reaction I am talking about makes emotions feel stronger and at the same time, they seem rational. Give her the benefit of the doubt. I am sure she wants to be a good daughter and student, she is just over her head.

If any of this seems interesting to you, as a different approach to the problem, I would be glad to tell you more, pass on names of books and MDs.