I'm deeply hurt......

[DianaB]

With my FIL gone my MIL has to make some decisions like how she's going to leave things for her kids. After Frank's funeral it was decided that all of his farm equipment and tools would be left for all of her sons and all of the household stuff would be left to her daughers.

Let me add that my MIL has been a packrat for as long as I've known her. She used to go to auctions and buy boxes and boxes of antiques and take them home and do nothing with them. The boxes and everything else she has has piled up to where she has rooms that you can't go into and she lives in a huge home. Not only is the home filled but they also have a huge garage and the upstairs is filled as well. Enough for everyone, including the grandchildren to have something special that was their grandmother's. I pointed out to my husband that this decision doesn't leave anything to my children.

Yesterday they called a "Family Meeting" and that means ONLY my MIL and her children and she told them how things were going to be divided. My husband, bless his heart, spoke up about how unfair this is to the inlaws. Basically what she told my husband was that she's never considered me a part of her family! I've been married for 34 years! I've always felt that she never considered me a part but for her to have actually said it.....! My husband was very hurt to have even told me but he wanted me to know what was going on. I've been crying off and on since he told me. It's not just my MIL, it's also her daughters. They feel the same way.

I've decided that I'm done. I'm not going to her house anymore or to anymore of my MIL's family gatherings because there's all of my MIL's sisters and they are all just like her. The sad part is is that my husband has even seen how they are and it bothers him.

I keep telling myself that it's just stuff, but that's not what hurts. It was her comment. I'd appreciate it if you'd say a prayer for me because I don't want to be bitter over this or have hurts. I want to just be able to walk away with my head high knowing that I did the best that I could and that I was a good DIL and SIL in this family.

[Janet]

Diana, I am so sorry this has happened. My heart was aching for you, so I can imagine how much more your heart is aching.

I can understand you wanting something for your children, we as mothers always think of them and how they would feel. Your MIL obviously didn't care that she hurt her son, by saying that. I hope it won't hurt your husband by you not going, but I don't blame you one bit. It would be so hard to feel like you were welcome. I don't like being anywhere I'm not wanted.

You're right though, the estate is only things...maybe your children really don't want anything from her. Are there other grandkids that will recieve somthing? If so, that is a cruel thing for her to do to your kids.

I wish I had some easy thing to say to help you through this, but honestly..I don't. I would be just as hurt as you are.

My in-laws were always civil and nice, but I knew that they really didn't care that much. Not until shortly before each of them passed when they needed me...and I was there for them. Then I felt they cared...because then they knew for sure I did.

I'm here sweetie, if you want to talk.

[AngieDoogles]

Oh Diana, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how sad you must be. You have always been an incredible DIL. I can tell because of how hard you've tried to connect with her. (Like that special 3 day personalized gift you bought her.) It's really sad that she has not appreciated you for the wonderful person you are. I know it sounds cliche, but SHE is the one missing out. Really. I know I have been touched by your friendship even though we are miles apart...she could have had a great friend and family member in you, if she would only try.

I'm sure your children are hurt by this decision, but at least they have you and you have done so many things to make their lives more special and meaningful. That is something they will never forget. They are lucky to have you and I'm sure they realize this, especially in light of how their grandmother is treating them.

Again, I am so sorry that this happened. I'm sending you hugs!

[DianaB]

Thanks so much, you two! I'm glad that she said it to my husband because he never believed that his family felt that way. Now he knows and he knows how much it hurt me. I'll have to tell the kids later because right now I think that I'd just start crying but they know how I've been treated in the past so it won't be a surprise to them. The sad part is is that Glen's brother has a wonderful wife and she's probably included in all of my MIL's remarks too. I'll have to talk to her later.

Janet, you asked if she had other grandchildren who would receive something and the answer is yes. My MIL has always had favorites- each of her daughters have 2 children, a granddaughter and 3 grandsons. Even my kids know that she's had favorites. Isn't that sad?

Jaci was helping to clean her house one time and found a large prism. You know, like you hang in the window to make rainbows on the wall (Jaci has several in her window.). Jaci admired it and then someone told her where to put it, but by the end of the day my MIL gave it to her favorite granddaughter. Jaci still talks about it.

I'm always reminded when this granddaughter's birthday is but there's hardly ever mention about Jaci's birthday which is the next day. My husband has noticed that one too. I could go on and on with stuff like that. I've always tried to ignore it but at times it was hard. This really feels like a slap in the face, but I'll get over it.

[Emmsmom]

I just have to say that I understand EXACTLY how you feel!!!

My MIL is the same way. We talk to keep to the peace basically. However, she has treated my daughter like a red-headed step childfor years! She has 6 grandchildren and 1 step granddaughter. For years my daughter(who isn't the step-grandchild, she is treated better than my own) who is only 10 has gone without a birthday card and/or present, and hasn't been sent a Christmas card and/or present either. We live about 3 hours away but we use to live only 30 min away. Since we have moved the presents have all stopped. MInd you she has a son who lives in Florida that she MAILS cards and gifts to all the time!!! When my daughter was little she was never invited to go to movies or to go get ice cream,or to even go shopping, and OH she was never invited to go to the beach. The other grandchildren were invited to do it all.

This has been going on for YEARS!For the past few years I have had to MAKE my DH call his mom and dad on Mother's and Father's day. No more... I have had about all I can take. I didn't mean to hijack your post. I just wanted to let you know that I REALLY do understand how you feel. All I can do is offer a ((HUG))...

I still haven't gotten over it just ask Tink. LOL She hears all about it from time to time. My MIL has talked about her jewelry and how she wants to leave this to so and so... Of course my daughter's name and my husband's name are never mentioned. I wish I could offer a solution but I am still searching for my own. It is really hard to handle and feelings do get hurt. If you are like me you are personally not hurt by this but you are hurting because your children are being treated this way. I can't say that I blame you one bit for not wanting to go over there anymore. It sure would be hard for me! ((HUGS))

Tink has said it many times... You can mess with me all you want but you had better not mess with my kids!

[Forgivenmom5]

I am so sorry Diana!! You should not be treated that way. You are a warm and loving person. Hold your head high and know that you are the better person.

[DianaB]

Thanks so much, Debbie!

Emmsmom, it sure sounds like our MILs must be sisters! I can see that you have to deal with a lot of the same stuff that I do. It's hard to deal with especially when it affects your children. I'm here if you ever need to vent!!!!!

I just keep trying to figure out what I did wrong. My problem isn't just my MIL but also her sisters. They have always been a very unaccepting family toward people married in and for the last few years I've taken the brunt of their unaccepting ways. I'm not a very good conformer and I'm not about to be bullied.

[Janet]

Diana, I've read your original post a dozen times. Somehow I missed it about your sisters-in-law and the sisters of your MIL. How can all the women in her family feel the same way? Are they all blind to how to have an open and inviting heart?

They have got to be so unhappy. When I think of people like them Diana...it makes me so tired. It takes a lot of energy to be that way.

I hope you're feeling a little better my friend.

[HALEY]

Diane, you should tell your husband to tell his mother to take that will and shove it up her butt! You don't need her or her left over junk!
Your a beautiful lady and if they don't see that, then it's there loss, you been married to this man for many of years and taking care of him and your children and if she don't respect you now she never will..
I have the same problems with my in-laws, i just wrote them off..
Don't waste your tears or time on his family !!