What's the right age?

[Tink]

I have 3 adult children. The oldest is married and has been out of our home for quite some time. The younger 2 are 18 and 20, and still live at home with their dad and I. Both work at low paying jobs and right now, neither is in school. They pay no rent, utilities, or food expenses while here.

What age do YOU think is reasonable for them to move out?
Do you think they should be paying rent?
Should they be chipping in on expenses?
What chores if any should they be helping with?

[Mandy]

Hmm... i replied to your other thread before i read this one.

Household chores: Definatly need to help you out with whatever you expect from them!

Chipping in on expenses/pay rent: This is what i would do, let them "pay" an amount of money which you could bank and save for them without them knowing about. When they move out and start their own home, at least they will have something to start with.

Reasonable age to move out: I don't know, i tell my son he can live at home till he's 40 LOL...

[RLC12345678]

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

[khardy57]

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

This is exactly how I feel about it! My 27 year old is living with me since my husband died and he pays rent and helps out around the house. He also respects my rules while he's here.

I moved out at 19 when I went to school. My mom hated it and the only reason I was "allowed" to go was because I couldnt commute because it was too far. Haha..needess to say, my parents would NEVER have accepted money from me for rent or food. However, I always helped out in non-monatary ways, such as laundry, dishes, etc. I also didn't have the freedom I have now that I live on my own. But to each his own..

[Lindsey]

When I was 18 I couldn't WAIT to move out. With my parents, I had to follow their rules, be home when they said, eat what they wanted for meals, and helped with cleaning. I've always felt a little older than I am though, and I was excited to be paying rent and bills, buying my own groceries (whatever I wanted), planning my own meals, and staying out as late as I wanted. Oh and having my boyfriend spend the night!
Some people though are more attached to their parents than I was. I think 18 is a good age for them to move out and see what living in the real world is like, while still being young enough to fall back on their parents if it's needed.

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

I have to agree. I have a 20 year old in college and we pay for most everything for her but she works too.

I have a 19 year old who is still at home but in school fulltime. She does a lot of the chores.

Originally Posted by Tink

I have 3 adult children. The oldest is married and has been out of our home for quite some time. The younger 2 are 18 and 20, and still live at home with their dad and I. Both work at low paying jobs and right now, neither is in school. They pay no rent, utilities, or food expenses while here.

What age do YOU think is reasonable for them to move out?
Do you think they should be paying rent?
Should they be chipping in on expenses?
What chores if any should they be helping with?

When my children were living at home, out of school and had a job, they paid rent. Not alot, but something. They also had their normal chores to do as well. I would think by the age of no later than 25, they should be more than ready to move out.

[janc]

My kids had to pay rent weekly and my husband got our son up at 7 on Sat. morning to help him outside. He also cut grass (2 acres, riding lawn mower). He wasn't always happy but cheered up after about an hour. He has always thanked us for everything we did for him and never griped about the rent. He did move out when he was 19. Our daughter went into the Army at 18 and is 28 and in Iraq for the second time. She also tells us what awesome parents we are and were.
My husband's brother never grew up. He still lives with his parents and he is 56 and just had bypass. He has no life except when he comes to our house. His mother still tells him to set the table. My kids stand on their own. Scott is married and father of one. Liz is divorced and mother of 2.
My older daughter was a hell on wheels. At 16 she was given the 3 choices. She chose to live with her father in AZ. We lived in FL at the time. 3 months later she arrived back in town compliments of the state. Her father had thrown her out. I refused to take her back (drug dealers etc. invited to my house by her, many other things) and she is now 34, living with her significant other of 17 years, and has 2 children ages 13 boy and 8 girl. She is TOUGH on them. They behave well and love her very much. She calls me at least twice a week. I guess we did something right although I didn't think so at the time.