What's the right age?

[Tink]

I have 3 adult children. The oldest is married and has been out of our home for quite some time. The younger 2 are 18 and 20, and still live at home with their dad and I. Both work at low paying jobs and right now, neither is in school. They pay no rent, utilities, or food expenses while here.

What age do YOU think is reasonable for them to move out?
Do you think they should be paying rent?
Should they be chipping in on expenses?
What chores if any should they be helping with?

[Mandy]

Hmm... i replied to your other thread before i read this one.

Household chores: Definatly need to help you out with whatever you expect from them!

Chipping in on expenses/pay rent: This is what i would do, let them "pay" an amount of money which you could bank and save for them without them knowing about. When they move out and start their own home, at least they will have something to start with.

Reasonable age to move out: I don't know, i tell my son he can live at home till he's 40 LOL...

[RLC12345678]

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

[khardy57]

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

I think 18 is a reasonable age for them to move out. I would sit down and talk to both of them and ask them what their goals for the future and future plans are. Once they tell you, then you can help them put their plan into action. I guess based on their expectations for the future, then you can decide when they should be moving out.

But they should DEFINATELY be chipping in somehow. If not rent and utilities, then definately CHORES! You should not be doing ANY chores if your adult children are living with you and not paying rent. They should be doing ALL the chores. They should definately be earning their keep. Hey, maybe if they have enough chores, then that will entice them to move out. Also, maybe they should have rules, like a curfew, etc. Tell them that as long as they are living with you, they will have to abide by the rules of your home. I mean, why on earth would they WANT to move out on their own if they are living with you for FREE, eating for FREE, and having all the freedom they would have if they were living on their own?! You need to give them a reason to want to move out and get their own place. Rules and chores are a good way to do this.

This is exactly how I feel about it! My 27 year old is living with me since my husband died and he pays rent and helps out around the house. He also respects my rules while he's here.

I moved out at 19 when I went to school. My mom hated it and the only reason I was "allowed" to go was because I couldnt commute because it was too far. Haha..needess to say, my parents would NEVER have accepted money from me for rent or food. However, I always helped out in non-monatary ways, such as laundry, dishes, etc. I also didn't have the freedom I have now that I live on my own. But to each his own..

[Lindsey]

When I was 18 I couldn't WAIT to move out. With my parents, I had to follow their rules, be home when they said, eat what they wanted for meals, and helped with cleaning. I've always felt a little older than I am though, and I was excited to be paying rent and bills, buying my own groceries (whatever I wanted), planning my own meals, and staying out as late as I wanted. Oh and having my boyfriend spend the night!
Some people though are more attached to their parents than I was. I think 18 is a good age for them to move out and see what living in the real world is like, while still being young enough to fall back on their parents if it's needed.

[Janet]

I really don't know what a "good" age is... I would think if they were in college they could still have their room at home, but when home, help out with daily chores.

If they were not going to college then as soon as they graduated high school, if they were to stay home, rent, groceries and chores, at 20 they should be out on their own. It also depends on their maturity level. So much to consider!!

[RLC12345678]

Originally Posted by Janet

I really don't know what a "good" age is... I would think if they were in college they could still have their room at home, but when home, help out with daily chores.

If they were not going to college then as soon as they graduated high school, if they were to stay home, rent, groceries and chores, at 20 they should be out on their own. It also depends on their maturity level. So much to consider!!

I agree!!!!!!!! I think after high school is the perfect age for them to start being self-sufficient. If they are not off at college and they are still living at home, then I think they should definately be helping out financially as well as with the responsibilites of the household.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

I agree!!!!!!!! I think after high school is the perfect age for them to start being self-sufficient. If they are not off at college and they are still living at home, then I think they should definately be helping out financially as well as with the responsibilites of the household.

Rebecca....were we separated at birth??????? LOLOL That would have been great....I would be so much younger....LMAO!

[Gina]

Hummm lets see here... I have two children 19 yrs and 21 yrs old. They are both in college full time. My daughter dorms at the school , comes home maybe twice a mt. on weekends. My son lives home and lives the life of Riley lol. is a student at a local college. I am an italian mother I guess....lol I don't tell my son to ever leave, but I do tell him this summer he has to apply to a job in city for he has yr. left of school. Due to his playing baseball and then dropping it, he has classes to make up. They both work odd jobs to make extra money, now my daughter can't she has many science classes and I want her studying and passing.. On breaks and summer vacation she always works. When they are finished with school, I will take money from them, but I know me I will save it for them , for when they go out on their own.

[2tiredmom]

Not all situations are the same. Like for example me. My oldest was suppose to graduate college this spring. She ended up pregnant. So now she is taking 1 semester and wants to go back and finish next summer. She will be living here with me and her stepdad. She is 22. That is fine with me. She will need the help and I'd rather have her here than have to worry about her and the baby somewhere else. She will help around the house. I also have a son thats in college thats 19. He comes home every once in a while. In the summer he works. But he keeps that money for college which is fine. He also helps around the house and outside. Then I also have a 15 year old. So it works out for us right now this way. I love my kids and want them all to be independent. But I also want them to know that if they need us we are here for them. So many different situations.

[Emmsmom]

I don't know that there is a "right" age either. I do think that they should be helping out. Asking them to help clean or do their own laundry isn't going to hurt. Also asking them to help with a few bills wouldn't hurt either since they are both working. As much as you have been through with the both of them it is the least they can do. You have gone above and beyond for your DD on several occasions. So I don't think it would be harsh to ask for some help.

[Janet]

I also wanted to add that I think all kids should be taught to be self-sufficient. I know it probably sounds as if I'm bragging, but I'm not. I just felt it was important to teach my son. He's 15 and can do his own laundry, cook a meal, bake, balance his checkbook. Yes at 15 he has a checkbook, but he's been "working" since he was 12 years old. He started by going out in the fields and gathering corn that the combines missed. He use to shell it using an antique corn sheller, but then the grain elevator said it didn't need to be done. So his father drove him to the elevator to turn in his corn and they would pay him. His first fall season earned him over $300.00.

Heaven forbid, the good Lord would take me from him at this age, but if he so chose to do so, my son will be able to do well. He has all the basics, is kind, sensitive and also strong willed.

He does have a good work ethic and knows if he wants a car..he has to pay for it and all that goes along with it. He's ready..at least he says he is.

If he chooses to live at home for awhile after he graduates we will be thrilled to let him stay, but he will have chores or duties to perform here at home, just as he would if he was to live on his own. I pray that I have prepared him enough, but he's only 15 so hopefully we can instill even more within the next few years.

[RLC12345678]

Originally Posted by Janet

I also wanted to add that I think all kids should be taught to be self-sufficient. I know it probably sounds as if I'm bragging, but I'm not. I just felt it was important to teach my son. He's 15 and can do his own laundry, cook a meal, bake, balance his checkbook. Yes at 15 he has a checkbook, but he's been "working" since he was 12 years old. He started by going out in the fields and gathering corn that the combines missed. He use to shell it using an antique corn sheller, but then the grain elevator said it didn't need to be done. So his father drove him to the elevator to turn in his corn and they would pay him. His first fall season earned him over $300.00.

Heaven forbid, the good Lord would take me from him at this age, but if he so chose to do so, my son will be able to do well. He has all the basics, is kind, sensitive and also strong willed.

He does have a good work ethic and knows if he wants a car..he has to pay for it and all that goes along with it. He's ready..at least he says he is.

If he chooses to live at home for awhile after he graduates we will be thrilled to let him stay, but he will have chores or duties to perform here at home, just as he would if he was to live on his own. I pray that I have prepared him enough, but he's only 15 so hopefully we can instill even more within the next few years.

Janet, I do believe we were separated at birth!!!!! My parents taught me the same thing. I got a checkbook at 15, I've had a job since I was 15, I have been doing my own laundry ever since I can remember, I've always helped my mom cook, and my parents never did the dishes (that was always me and my sisters' responsibility), and when I turned 16, I was given a lot of freedom to make decisions on my own. I could not WAIT to be out on my own. I am very mature in that respect. My parents always emphasized that I needed to be able to take care of myself and be independant and not ever have to rely on ANYONE for ANYTHING, not them (my parents) or a man.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by RLC12345678

Janet, I do believe we were separated at birth!!!!! My parents taught me the same thing. I got a checkbook at 15, I've had a job since I was 15, I have been doing my own laundry ever since I can remember, I've always helped my mom cook, and my parents never did the dishes (that was always me and my sisters' responsibility), and when I turned 16, I was given a lot of freedom to make decisions on my own. I could not WAIT to be out on my own. I am very mature in that respect. My parents always emphasized that I needed to be able to take care of myself and be independant and not ever have to rely on ANYONE for ANYTHING, not them (my parents) or a man.

Sounds like your parents did a great job. From all your posts, here and at YT, I would be proud to call you my daughter.