What about porn?

[cindy0721]

Since someone brought up the strip club topic... what about porn? Is it ok to look at it ? Even if they are married...? My co worker told me it is guys being guys.. to me I think it is lack of respect... it makes you feel like less of a woman.. the question is ..are we EVEN capable of controlling them from watching it?

[AngieDoogles]

I think you're right. It is DEFINITELY a respect issue. As for controlling it, if you know anything about computers, it is really easy to find out if he's been viewing something like that. I wouldn't recommend looking unless you are pretty sure and want to have proof, because doing that would be invading his privacy and could possibly cause serious problems in the relationship (whether you find something or not)...but I guess if there is a reason to not trust him then maybe it would be necessary for your peace of mind... idk

I think the better route would be to talk about it. If he really cares about you, he'd be honest and you could tell him how it makes you feel. Open communication is always best, in my opinion.

As a side note, I have a friend who is in the process of getting a divorce because her husband refused to stop looking at porn. My husband and I had to clean off tons of viruses from her computer on several occasions that he had picked up from porn sites. Watching porn can definitely become an addiction and can be detrimental to a marriage so be careful...

[cindy0721]

i agree... hubby and I have had our share of arguements over this... I stand by my conviction it is wrong and maybe somepeople are ok with it.. I'm not... and if that means that I will forever be alone so be it.. I have caught him doing it and already told him.. it happens again thats it.. I'm done... it's a hard decision because it is not easy ending your marriage over something like that but I see it as a form of cheating.... am I wrong to think this? This is just one thing I can't live with.... no matter how hard I try...

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by cindy0721

i agree... hubby and I have had our share of arguements over this... I stand by my conviction it is wrong and maybe somepeople are ok with it.. I'm not... and if that means that I will forever be alone so be it.. I have caught him doing it and already told him.. it happens again thats it.. I'm done... it's a hard decision because it is not easy ending your marriage over something like that but I see it as a form of cheating.... am I wrong to think this? This is just one thing I can't live with.... no matter how hard I try...

No, you are not wrong at all. Your opinion and values should mean more to him than the porn. If you tell him that you feel disrespected and maybe even unattractive or not sexy to him, then he should be willing to give it up for your happiness. I highly recommend talking openly to him and telling him exactly how you feel (in a non-aggressive way) before you make any decisions. But I agree that you should stand by your convictions!

Sometimes men just don't understand how lucky they are. I'm sorry he isn't respecting you like he should. *Hugs*

[Janet]

Maybe I'm 'old school', but I think porn and strip clubs are just plain sick. I just don't understand it, I guess. I'd rather see a nice build man with clothes on than naked as a jaybird. Don't get why men want it the other way around.

[cindy0721]

Originally Posted by Janet

Maybe I'm 'old school', but I think porn and strip clubs are just plain sick. I just don't understand it, I guess. I'd rather see a nice build man with clothes on than naked as a jaybird. Don't get why men want it the other way around.

haa haa.. me too... I agree completly with you.... Hubby tells me it is a mans curiosity..I call it something else..... I dunno.... I mean are there really men out there that don't look at that stuff? Or we just think they don't because they are good at hiding it? You know what they say... everyone has skeletons in their closet....

[rivermom]

I respect everyone's opinion that has posted so far on this topic. I do have to say I feel differently though.

Porn is in my house. Not via the computer watched by myself or hubby but my hubby has Playboy and we do have video's. I have to admit, There are times when I will pick up the newest copy of his Playboy and read it before he even get's around to it. LOL Actually they really do have good articles in there and I feel the pictures of woman are tastefully done and are very beautiful.

Does it make me feel insecure or not sexy when he looks at his magazine's? Nope, not really. I can make my ownself feel these things with it by eating too much, feeling lazy and not wearing make-up, putting on shabby under garmets, etc. Him reading a magazine w/ beautiful woman is not going to make me feel insecure. He is a good husband and having him read Playboy doesn't interfere w/ any of our marriage, our lives, etc.

Now the movies....We both watch them together actually. What can I say? I am older, less hormones or whatever and it takes A LOT to get me excited. It is hard to "turn off the day's events, forget the dishes are not done, and BAM become all romantic feeling etc." So, not giving details, but us watching a movie, maybe taking out lotions and rubbing each other's backs or necks to relax etc, helps "turn it on" sorta say. I just don't see how this is "bad for our marriage".

Now hubby (nor I) get online to watch porn. He is too busy working hard so we can keep a roof over our head and well I just don't find it neccessary for such things.

There are different levels of porn and I of course have my limits. I and my hubby too feels it completely wrong to involve kids/porn, or S & M situations. Like I said, everyone has their limits or knows where to draw the line. Other's don't I guess??

I also don't feel that if another married man video's or read's porn he finds his wife less appealing. Nor does it mean he will cheat, etc. I think most men are attracted to a pretty female and are more visual in what "turns them on". It's how the "male" is built.

So there ya go. Those are my thoughts about all this stuff.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by rivermom

I respect everyone's opinion that has posted so far on this topic. I do have to say I feel differently though.

Porn is in my house. Not via the computer watched by myself or hubby but my hubby has Playboy and we do have video's. I have to admit, There are times when I will pick up the newest copy of his Playboy and read it before he even get's around to it. LOL Actually they really do have good articles in there and I feel the pictures of woman are tastefully done and are very beautiful.

Does it make me feel insecure or not sexy when he looks at his magazine's? Nope, not really. I can make my ownself feel these things with it by eating too much, feeling lazy and not wearing make-up, putting on shabby under garmets, etc. Him reading a magazine w/ beautiful woman is not going to make me feel insecure. He is a good husband and having him read Playboy doesn't interfere w/ any of our marriage, our lives, etc.

Now the movies....We both watch them together actually. What can I say? I am older, less hormones or whatever and it takes A LOT to get me excited. It is hard to "turn off the day's events, forget the dishes are not done, and BAM become all romantic feeling etc." So, not giving details, but us watching a movie, maybe taking out lotions and rubbing each other's backs or necks to relax etc, helps "turn it on" sorta say. I just don't see how this is "bad for our marriage".

Now hubby (nor I) get online to watch porn. He is too busy working hard so we can keep a roof over our head and well I just don't find it neccessary for such things.

There are different levels of porn and I of course have my limits. I and my hubby too feels it completely wrong to involve kids/porn, or S & M situations. Like I said, everyone has their limits or knows where to draw the line. Other's don't I guess??

I also don't feel that if another married man video's or read's porn he finds his wife less appealing. Nor does it mean he will cheat, etc. I think most men are attracted to a pretty female and are more visual in what "turns them on". It's how the "male" is built.

So there ya go. Those are my thoughts about all this stuff.

I think it all depends on how the wife or gf feels about it. If she feels cheated or not valued in any way, then it is a problem. If it causes arguments, I think the guy should stop out of respect for her. JMO.

[cindy0721]

i see your point,,, Like I said hubby and I have gone through this... to me honestly.... between us .. I think I can live with it... I would much rather deal with this whatever it's called than going out to strip clubs, staying out with the boys late, a drinking or drug problem.. however my arguement to him has always been the sneaking around to do it... to me when you sneak around it means you have something to be ashamed of or guilty for... I probably don;t help the situation by not being more understanding but it is a work in progress... I don't think there is a man out there that has not done it or is not doing it... like riversmom said ...it's the way they are built.. just like us woman we are built with the mother hen gene...lol

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by cindy0721

I don't think there is a man out there that has not done it or is not doing it...

I'm going to respectfully disagree...because I know that my husband doesn't.

I will be honest and tell you that I absolutely hate it! Especially if it is looked at or watched behind my back. It makes me feel so gross.... Its been an issue to me for a whlie. I could go on and on about the reasons I dont like it.

[Taurus Babe]

Originally Posted by rivermom

I respect everyone's opinion that has posted so far on this topic. I do have to say I feel differently though.

Porn is in my house. Not via the computer watched by myself or hubby but my hubby has Playboy and we do have video's. I have to admit, There are times when I will pick up the newest copy of his Playboy and read it before he even get's around to it. LOL Actually they really do have good articles in there and I feel the pictures of woman are tastefully done and are very beautiful.

Does it make me feel insecure or not sexy when he looks at his magazine's? Nope, not really. I can make my ownself feel these things with it by eating too much, feeling lazy and not wearing make-up, putting on shabby under garmets, etc. Him reading a magazine w/ beautiful woman is not going to make me feel insecure. He is a good husband and having him read Playboy doesn't interfere w/ any of our marriage, our lives, etc.

Now the movies....We both watch them together actually. What can I say? I am older, less hormones or whatever and it takes A LOT to get me excited. It is hard to "turn off the day's events, forget the dishes are not done, and BAM become all romantic feeling etc." So, not giving details, but us watching a movie, maybe taking out lotions and rubbing each other's backs or necks to relax etc, helps "turn it on" sorta say. I just don't see how this is "bad for our marriage".

Now hubby (nor I) get online to watch porn. He is too busy working hard so we can keep a roof over our head and well I just don't find it neccessary for such things.

There are different levels of porn and I of course have my limits. I and my hubby too feels it completely wrong to involve kids/porn, or S & M situations. Like I said, everyone has their limits or knows where to draw the line. Other's don't I guess??

I also don't feel that if another married man video's or read's porn he finds his wife less appealing. Nor does it mean he will cheat, etc. I think most men are attracted to a pretty female and are more visual in what "turns them on". It's how the "male" is built.

So there ya go. Those are my thoughts about all this stuff.

To me, Porn is just porn. Now I guess you could say that about strippers too, but I think it's different. I don't have any problems with porn, or my bf watching it. We actually watch it together sometimes. I feel it's different because 1) they are not getting naked in front of you in real life and 2) they are not performing for your husband or boyfriend. You know how stripper flirt and project themselves on "their prey" , "our men". It's just not as personal.

[Ponyup]

My husband doesn't like porn. He just doesn't get it & it doesn't do anything for him. He's more mental than visual. I watched porn a lot in college, we used to have porn parties & play drinking games & make fun of the dialect & plot. it was fun. I would watch it now with my husband, but it doesn't do anything for him so we don't. I don't have a problem with strip clubs either. I've gone with my husband many times & I wouldn't care if he wanted to just go with the boys. What's important to me is that I know what's going on & he's not sneakin around. I know he's mine & he's not gonna do anything with or leave me for a stripper.

[rivermom]

[QUOTE=Ponyup] we used to have porn parties & play drinking games & make fun of the dialect & plot. it was fun. [QUOTE]


This made me smile and laugh!

[Tink]

My hubby has never really been into porn. He has watched it with friends, but doesn't bring it into our house, and certainly understands why I don't get into it.

For us it's a matter of respect and that includes self respect. What does it do to a relatiponship when you have to hide things about yourself out of fear of upsetting your spouse? It isn't a good thing whether you're hiding porn, over-spending, or anything else you know they don't approve of.

I think saying it's a "guy thing" is just an attempt to justify it. Not all guys are into it, and those whose wives aren't, need to respect her feelings as well if they expect to keep her happy. It's kinda sad to think anyone would risk a relationship for a fantasy.