Another Mom Update

[Janet]

Since the roads were bad my brother took my Mom to the Dr. today. Her blood count is staying up to 12 which is a great thing. Looks like they've fixed the bleeding problem finally.

Bad thing is her kidney function went from 23% to 17%, not good. Mom is really down about the results. The Dr. said she'll probably be on dialysis in 3-6 months.

We are going to a place called Wellbound on the 18th. They will show us a presentation about dialysis and answer any questions we might have. Then we go to the kidney Dr. right afterwards. From what we know so far...the Dr. said something about putting a stint or something in her arm or stomach before she goes to Florida just in case she would need dialysis before she comes back in April.

Life is getting harder...between my Mom and worries about my son (everyday worries) I just don't know if I can handle it all. I use to be so much stronger, but I'm not anymore...I'm tired. Please keep us in your prayers.

[rivermom]

Janet - you are worrying yourself over so much you just don't have control over. Take a step back a moment and focus a bit. You are a WONDERFUL Mother and Daughter. You are giving them both a most special gift, and that is yourself. There's so much to be said for that. They both know in their hearts how much you love them. This love is what you have control over. That's what is important.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Big hug!!

[Forgivenmom5]

Janet I am so sorry you and your mom are going through this. I know what you mean about things being hard. Looks like I will be going through a lot of things for a couple of years to make sure this doesn't come back. No matter how positive you try to stay you get tired. Sheryl is right you are doing everything you can. I know from experience how much that means. If my kids weren't being so supportive I don't know if I could do this or not. I am sure your mom feels the same. Just know how much you are helping her by always being there for her.

[DianaB]

I'm glad to hear that your Mom's bleeding is taken care of but through the ordeal her kidneys are worse. I have a friend whose mother is on dialysis and she has gotten along with it very well (she even showed me where she's hooked up during the dialysis!) It takes a few hours every other day and she feels so much better after having it done. Your Mom will probably feel a lot better when she does get on dialysis. I know that it's a worry but she'll be fine. You're such a good daughter, Janet!

As for your son, he's going to be fine too. Just remember what it was like to be a teenager yourself. Loosen up and enjoy having him. Worrying about him all the time is NOT fun! I try to think of what's important in the scale of life with morals, safety, and their religion, being at the top of the list. Then everything else falls in line below those three things. Then when something comes up I ask myself in the big scheme of things is it really important to fuss over or can I let them go and have fun. We're not to worry about the days that are ahead. Just take care of today.

The Bible says:

Matthew 6:34

34"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

[Tink]

{{{Janet}}} we're all here for you.
Just do what you can and hand the rest to God. We're limited in what we can do, but He's not!

[Marilyn]

(((((((Janet)))))) Life just is not easy, but like everyone is saying, you are being a wonderful daughter and mother. Know that you and your dear ones are in out prayers.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

Since the roads were bad my brother took my Mom to the Dr. today. Her blood count is staying up to 12 which is a great thing. Looks like they've fixed the bleeding problem finally.

Bad thing is her kidney function went from 23% to 17%, not good. Mom is really down about the results. The Dr. said she'll probably be on dialysis in 3-6 months.

We are going to a place called Wellbound on the 18th. They will show us a presentation about dialysis and answer any questions we might have. Then we go to the kidney Dr. right afterwards. From what we know so far...the Dr. said something about putting a stint or something in her arm or stomach before she goes to Florida just in case she would need dialysis before she comes back in April.

Life is getting harder...between my Mom and worries about my son (everyday worries) I just don't know if I can handle it all. I use to be so much stronger, but I'm not anymore...I'm tired. Please keep us in your prayers.

Janet you have your hands full and like the rest said you are a wonderful daughter and mother. You have taught your son well, you cannot instill anymore into him. Your job is done, he will emulate what you have taught him believe me. He is a good boy or shall I say a young man.

The blood count is great with mom they corrected the problem, I am sorry to hear that she needs dialysis. They will put a shunt in her arm ? It is from a cow if I am correct, my brother lived on dialysis and had that put into his arm. That was 30 yrs ago I am sure everything has progressed. I will keep your mom in my prayers I am sorry that she has to go through this. Only God knows the reasons why. Hold the faith and hopefully things will work out.. Your in my prayers..

[lynne b]

Janet you & I have talked endlessly about this so you know how I feel for you in this situation. I have met Ricky and he seems to be a very polite and kind young man, you have every right to be proud of him.
As for your mother I am right there with you as you know, I am going through the same thing with mine, luckly I have 2 daughter's that pitch in and help me but it's still exhausting mainly because I have to make all of the finale decisions on everything. My oldest daughter takes care of most of the medical things (med's & dr app.) with me makeing the finale approval on everything. I take care of her finances and sometimes it's hard to keep up with her's & mine all at the same time, I am finding that here in the last year I am getting my own bills out just in the nick of time trying to make sure her's are taken care of. And then there is grocery shopping and just shopping in general ( this women loves to shop) I on the other hand dread it so I try to leave that to my youngest daughter, she takes after her g-mother in that department. I do have a brother in Cali that helps in the major problems that occur he is able to fly home almost anytime I need his help or at least a couple of times a year and thought that helps it's the everyday things that are the most exhausting.
I have noticed over the last few years that alot of people my age (48) are going through the same thing we are, have already lost 1 or both of there parents and it seems to me that we are starting to care for our parents at a much younger age than our parents did with their parents. My dad has been gone for 3yrs and my mom took care of him and her own parents and my dads mom but it seemed like mom was older at the time she started doing this, although my mom is only 72, does anyone else see this trend where the younger people are takeing care of their parents? What does that say for us are our kids going to be takeing care of us at a younger age and most definatly with the cost of liveing today (most of our kids are just getting by) will they be able to care for us finacally? We are lucky that our parents lived through the era of most of them being finacally set. (most not all). I know that I would not be able to finacally care for my mother , thank god she has good ins and a good retierment from my dad.
Sorry so long but sometimes it just really gets to me and Janet you know I am right there with ya girl.
Lynne

[Gina]

Lynne, What you spoke about I to went through with my parents. I am going on 51 and I had been taking care of my parents for most of my child rearing years. They have past away within the last 10 years. We are called the sandiwich generation. We are busy raising our own children and taking care of our eldery parents.

You mention our children taking care of us, this is another generation. I do hope they attribute to our needs providing that we are mentally ok. As far as they contributing finacially to us. That may not be possible for them with the cost of living so high like you mentioned and them getting by. This is why it is very important to start thinking about your old age and retirement to provide for ourselves. I listen to fianancial advsors and they always tell you that when you have children going to college do not take loans out for them as equity on your home. Have them take out seperate student loans, for they are young and can pay off the loans. You paying your home equity for student loans is foolish for you are putting a burden on your children for your elderly years. When there is no money for your retirement.


Janet sorry for stealing this thread... Just wanted to answer Lynne on those questions... I hope mom is feeling better.....

[Mandy]

I agree with everyone else, you are a wonderful daughter, mother, and person. Dont forget deep breaths, and time for yourself.

[judy]

Dear Janet,

You are so loving and caring. The other side of that coin is the worrying. I wish I could make it go away, but all I can do is to tell you that I am always here for you and support you in all that you do and in all of your feelings.

I'm sending you a big hug. I hope it helps.

Love ya,

Judy

[Janet]

Thanks all. I'm feeling better about it all. It really helps to be able to write out my feelings and Lynne...you have been so wonderful. I honestly don't think I could handle it if I didn't hear your voice urging me on and letting me know all will be okay.

I think I let it get to me a little more now because the holidays are near and with all the hustle and bustle it gets a little crazy. Plus...I really miss my in-laws even though I thought they were a little...well it doesn't matter. ..I miss them....

Mom sounds really 'up' today so that is helping too. I know I shouldn't worry so much about Ricky, but he's my baby...don't let him know I told you that..LOL. I just wish time would slow down just a little bit...I still have so much I want him to know.

Thanks again...I really need to calm down a bit before I start writing...It all seems just a bit better with a clearer mind.

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by lynne b

Janet you & I have talked endlessly about this so you know how I feel for you in this situation. I have met Ricky and he seems to be a very polite and kind young man, you have every right to be proud of him.
As for your mother I am right there with you as you know, I am going through the same thing with mine, luckly I have 2 daughter's that pitch in and help me but it's still exhausting mainly because I have to make all of the finale decisions on everything. My oldest daughter takes care of most of the medical things (med's & dr app.) with me makeing the finale approval on everything. I take care of her finances and sometimes it's hard to keep up with her's & mine all at the same time, I am finding that here in the last year I am getting my own bills out just in the nick of time trying to make sure her's are taken care of. And then there is grocery shopping and just shopping in general ( this women loves to shop) I on the other hand dread it so I try to leave that to my youngest daughter, she takes after her g-mother in that department. I do have a brother in Cali that helps in the major problems that occur he is able to fly home almost anytime I need his help or at least a couple of times a year and thought that helps it's the everyday things that are the most exhausting.
I have noticed over the last few years that alot of people my age (48) are going through the same thing we are, have already lost 1 or both of there parents and it seems to me that we are starting to care for our parents at a much younger age than our parents did with their parents. My dad has been gone for 3yrs and my mom took care of him and her own parents and my dads mom but it seemed like mom was older at the time she started doing this, although my mom is only 72, does anyone else see this trend where the younger people are takeing care of their parents? What does that say for us are our kids going to be takeing care of us at a younger age and most definatly with the cost of liveing today (most of our kids are just getting by) will they be able to care for us finacally? We are lucky that our parents lived through the era of most of them being finacally set. (most not all). I know that I would not be able to finacally care for my mother , thank god she has good ins and a good retierment from my dad.
Sorry so long but sometimes it just really gets to me and Janet you know I am right there with ya girl.
Lynne

I've watched documentary's on television that talks about the number of kids caring for one or both of their parents. They discussed the physical and emotional exhaustion that the child(ren) experience with the care giving but they wouldn't give up such an unselfish gift of love for the world. Mentioned also were the support groups to council the siblings who give this type of care both part/full time to deal with all the stress it brings.

My parents recently moved close to me for this reason. In time my hubby and I will be their care giver.

Many hugs to you now who are already given this care to your Mom's and or Dad's... I take careful notice for what all you go through in preparation/learning for when that time comes for myself to give such care as you all do.

[Janet]

Sheryl, you just brought up a great point...I wish I had time to find and go to a support group. I guess if things get much more hectic, I'm going to have to make time.

[Mandy]

Janet, that is an excellent idea, you know we will always be here to support you, but we cant do much more than type to you, it would be a lot different if we lived closer for sure. I really hope they will have support groups here for when the time comes that we have to be the care givers to our parents. I will need it.