Any suggestions for the newly divorced

Our daughter's husband notified her by email that he had moved out while she was teaching at the elementary school.

She is devastated after 16 years of marriage and a darling little boy.

She feels unattractive, rejected, alone, sad and overwhelmed.

Have any of you been through this and how did you find a light at the end of the tunnel????

Yep about 4 years ago and just one day at a time. If you want the full scoop send me a pm and i'll tell you what I went through.

[Mandy]

He notified her by email?? That's aweful!!

My cousin has gone through a divorce just recently, it's very very difficult, and yes they feel rejected, sad, angry, humiliated, lonely, i stood by her and worked through this with her. She said, it's like grieving. She cried buckets over this man, and they wanted to work through this divorce "peacefully" but that was impossible for her. She loved him so much, yet he left her for another woman.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by okiegal

Our daughter's husband notified her by email that he had moved out while she was teaching at the elementary school.

She is devastated after 16 years of marriage and a darling little boy.

She feels unattractive, rejected, alone, sad and overwhelmed.

Have any of you been through this and how did you find a light at the end of the tunnel????

I am sorry to hear about your daughter one thing I can say is that after 16 yrs. of marriage he is really a B***** to notify her through email. I am sorry but he sounds like a real coward. I am not divorced but I have many friends and family members who are . It is like a death she has to go through the process, which is denial, grievance and then acceptance. Just be there for her and maybe you can get her some therapy it would help. Time is the healer of all.. Good luck!

And last but not least ..give her lots of love and support and encourage that she doesnt isolate herself ,your love is within you ..it is in truth who you are not who gets it .And time and grief work are in the process of any divorce .Best of luck to you all and take the higher road always ..it is the one that leads to inner Peace.

[Kimberley]

Been down that road. She needs to allow herself time to heal. It will get worse before it gets better. Trust me when I say that one morning, she'll wake up and realize that she is a good person and he's the one that lost out. Be there for her when she cries, screams and appreciate when she wants to be alone.

Going through a divorce is like someone you loving dies. It's a healing process.

I was the one who left my ex, so I cant really relate to your daughter, but from my opinion, I would suggest to her to take this time and get to know herself again, do all the things she wants to do before she jumps back into another relationship. Dont go running to another man to make her feel better, she needs to heal before she starts dating again.

does she know why he left her? was it another woman?

I'm sorry this has happened to your daughter, make sure you are there for her, right now is when she needs you and all her g/griends the most.
and then her son, he may feel it's his fault, he really is going to need a lot of his family there for him right now.

by email? what a coward..

sorry i cant say i know about this subject, other than take 1 day at a time and support her through this

[blowry]

Been there! It was me that wanted to divorce though. It did not involve another man...After 19 yrs and 2 beautiful daughters later I decided to end the marriage. I actually was divorced from the heart for about 10 yrs and stayed because of my girls. Even though this was something I had to do, it was the worst thing I had gone through in my life.. (X is an abusive alcoholic). Because nobody saw the way I was treated (not saying entire marriage was bad) I was blamed for everything, my family would not talk to me...I felt very alone. I exercised ALOT, lost 67 lbs, actually obsessed with it to the point where I became bolemic (sp?) It took me quite a while to get over the fact that I was single again. I HATED dating again...very scary...I started dating about 6 months after the seperation. Met someone and now have been married for 7 yrs (in Nov). My new husband is 5 yrs younger than me, never been married, only child and never had children. We have had some difficult days because of this but, manage to get through. I hope all goes well for your daughter and her children. It's not easy but, with the support and love from her family and friends, she will get through it.

[hle_625]

Ive never been through it but just wanted to let you know that she will be in my thoughts and prayers!

I sent her your emails and appreciate all your ideas......yes I do believe there is another woman....but time will tell.


It feels like a death....but I have faith that she will one day emerge from her grief and build a new and better life.


God bless you all.

[ginab]

oh boy, been there, done that, let me tell you, its one of the worst things in the world for me that is... its just like a death, believe me when i tell you... i lost
so much weight, i was down to 94 pounds and looked terrible, felt terrible and was falling apart... time did heal all wounds, it really did... even if you have family and friends over and with you allthe time, you still feel alone.. very much so, its
so bad. i felt like ending it all at the time, but thank god i had the will power not to do it and i loved my parents so much, would never want to put them through it.
sooooooo just be there for her.. call her everyday and just talk to her, feel her out, make sure shes ok , she might say she is ok, sometimes she wont be and wont tell you,. just be there for her at all times. its gonna be a tough road for
her and she will get over it, but it will take some time, time heals all wounds..
she needs to be around people now more than ever... i will pray for her and i hope she will be able to handle this situation especially the way it was done.
im sorry she has to go through this and i feel for her and you.. god bless

It's very hard. After several years of disconnect and distance I told my husband that although we love each other I didn't feel we were in love with each other and I wanted to go to counseling. There were a lot of issues that led to this, but short story is he chose the divorce instead. I was devasted. It was a 15 year marriage and we have been together 17 years since I was 16. He was all I had even known. I didn't know what to do. I had all the same feelings as your daughter and had for some years. I packed my kids and moved home for a year. I let my folks take care of me. My mistake was I kinda withdrew and avoidance. I knew my kids were good and I tended to go for a beer afterwork, etc. I knew my kids were good with my folks so I just let them take over. My mistake, I feel now like I abandoned them. Short story again, after licking my wounds and realizing only I can make or break my life and my happiness I stepped up. Got an apartment and started taking care of my girls, because no one else was going to.
It was hard, I won't lie. I was used to doing most everything myself during the marriage but I always knew that someone else was there.

Today, I get a little stressed still because I have my kids 350 days a year 24/7 and he only lives less then 20 minutes away.

I'm sorry for your daughter but she needs to take her time to grieve and lick her wounds and then realize it's his issue and not hers. There is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with her. Any shmo who emails their wife of many years has a problem. She needs to get herself an attorney, get things squared away and take care of her little boy. After time she may even begin to realize she is better off. I did. My divorce was the best thing for me and my kids. I didn't realize until after I moved how much it really had affected my health and my kids. I didn't think the kids knew the troubles. However, they bloomed after the move. Grades improved, their dispositions improved, they made friends. It was amazing.

Tell her to hang in there and if she needs support we are here for her anytime.

Best wishes.

[Janet]

Time will help along with your support. I know of others going through this and the worst thing for you to do is "put down" your son-in-law. You never know if somehow things will end up with them back together and if he ever found out, it could be rough for your daughter.

[katcarasella]

I have advice for her, tell her to buy some Tide with Bleach and a box of Hefty Bags.

(sorry, I couldn't resist.)