bad weekend

[Lindsey]

I don't know what to do and I feel terrible about myself and I can't help how I am. I have a friend I used to be really close to but his girlfriend made him stop talking to me a couple years ago. Now that girlfriend cheated and he threw her out and was left with no friends. We started talking again. On friday night I went out to a friend's birthday party, which Kyle was invited to but decided not to go because he hates my friends. This other guy friend showed up and we hung out for the night and I had a great time seeing him again. Yesterday Kyle asked who was all there and I was truthful and he got mad and refused to talk to me. He thinks just because he's a newly single guy that he's trying to be with me. I guess I have no free will at all, and no mind, and no conscience. I guess whatever a guy tells me to do, I'd just go off and do. He's so scared of some other guy just coming in and taking me away.
Last night I went to his friend's house just because Kyle wanted to watch ufc. He had earlier gotten $740 in relay for life pledges from his family. I told him that was really great but all his friends were all over me about how I could never do that and Kyle is so much better than me and blah blah blah and they were joking but I held in tears, and then they kept talking about how I'm so grumpy and I should loosen up and have a drink but I was too tired I just wanted to go home and sleep. Kyle kept saying he couldn't stay out and play poker because he'd get in trouble with me but I honestly didn't care, but everyone just kept laughing at me.
When we left we went back to his house and I actually did cry and he told me to stop being so wimpy.
Since last year I have had no sex drive. None at all. It disappeared. I don't know if it's in my mind because my last boyfriend betrayed me so bad, or if it's because I switched birth control pills, but I know it's not Kyle. I can look at any attractive guy and my mind doesn't even go there. He gets so angry at me about it. He kept trying last night, and this morning (and every single time I even see him), and I kept avoiding it, and he got mad and frustrated and I just left and I came home and I can't stop crying because I feel like I'm the most terrible girlfriend ever and I don't know what to do. I'm crying so hard I can barely breathe.
I'm sorry I don't have anyone else to talk to

[Janet]

Lindsey, I think for one thing you need to see your Dr. and make sure the birth control isn't messing you up a little bit.

The other thing is, I know how much you care for Kyle, but I hope you still see your friends whether he goes or not. I think it's sad that you attend functions with his friends, but he doesn't like to with yours.

When his friends start giving you a hard time, he should step in right then and there and stand up for you. You're his girlfriend. I'd hate to see his reaction if you were his wife. And don't let anyone tell you that you're wimpy. For crying out loud, your a female with hormonal irregularities from birth control.

It doesn't sound like you're a bad girlfriend at all, but it does sound like Kyle could improve on being a boyfriend.

Hope you start feeling better Lindsey, but please have the Dr. check you out.

[Lindsey]

Thanks Janet. I'm a little better now but still worried that he's mad at me. His hockey team is in semi-finals and I wanted to go watch today but we had our fight and he left without me. My roommate said she'd go with me and we'd just leave when the game was done. So we drove out to the place they always play and there was some other tournament thing going on and we had to pay to get in and it's definitely not his rec league, so we left and finally figured out where the other rink is on the other side of the city and went there and nobody was there. Then we called a friend and found out it WAS at the first place but by then the game should almost be over so I came home. I'm so upset that I missed it. I'm ready to cry again. His mom's birthday supper is tonight and I was supposed to go but I think he doesn't want me there anymore.

[Lindsey]

Oh and I know I should probably talk to a doctor about it but I'm way too shy and embarassed to mention anything. I don't even really have a family doctor here because nobody is ever taking patients so I just go to walk-ins when I need prescriptions and they don't know my history or anything and basically they just want everyone in and out as fast as possible because they're always backed up. I don't think I can bring it up with a doctor. Even when I get the question "are you sexually active" my face turns red.

[katcarasella]

Lindsey, Janet gave you some good advice
I hope you seek some help for your depression, you're too young to be so sad, and NO man is worth all this grief.
"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it."
I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Lindsey]

Thanks Kat. I have a cousin who is on meds for depression and I know how the rest of my family talks about her. She's pretty much my best friend though and she knows exactly what I'm going through. I'm just too scared of what other people think of me.

[katcarasella]

Lindsey, I suffer from depression also, but the meds do work. As far as what other people think, who cares, are they paying your bills? You only have to answer to God and yourself, so do yourself a favor and get better, there's a great world out here, but you have to take that first step!!

[Lindsey]

i don't want to die but sometimes i wish i was never born

[katcarasella]

I just looked this up, go check it out there is help out there.

http://groups.msn.com/Bipolardissord...elpatonce.msnw

[Lindsey]

Thank you Kat. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I slit my wrists on my 18th birthday. It was the scariest night of my life. My mom knows but she covered it up so nobody in the family knows she has a crazy daughter.
I just went for a drive and drove past the houses of every guy who's screwed me over, and then I drove by the river to try to lift my spirits and then I went way out of town and got lost. I finally found my way back and drove past my boyfriend's house to see he's still not at home, still partying it up for his mom's birthday that I was invited to but then ditched.

[Marilyn]

Lindsey, next time something like this happens, wash you face, go get a nice inexpensive gift and go to the party. The party is for her, not for your BF. Smile and have a good time in spite of him. He'll want to be with the coolest girl in the room, who BTW is you!!!!

[Lindsey]

Originally Posted by Marilyn

Lindsey, next time something like this happens, wash you face, go get a nice inexpensive gift and go to the party. The party is for her, not for your BF. Smile and have a good time in spite of him. He'll want to be with the coolest girl in the room, who BTW is you!!!!

But he wouldn't tell me where the party was, I still don't know where they are

[Marilyn]

BTW, I know it's much easier said than done, but don't worry about the past. Let the past worry about the past. Think about the future and all the wonderful adventures ahead of you. Kyle needs to wake up and realize what a sweet person he has for a GF. We know what a special, kind, responsible, caring person you are, so he should surely know!!!

I know what the lack of sex drive is like. It's so frustrating knowing you that you can't/don't have the desire to give that part of you to your boyfriend even though you want to be able to. I will say that it's NOT you..Im almost positive that it's the BC. I was on it and lack of a sex drive is one of the most common. Do some research on different kinds and get another perscription. Good luck to you

[Lindsey]

kyle just called me and yelled at me again. he said i know why he's mad. he's still mad because i didn't have sex with him.