Ex-boyfriend question

[celstu1]

Hi Man,
I need some advice. I was engaged to a man I was with for almost 10 years. We broke up in August 05. It was tramatizing for me. In May 06 I was set up with a guy who was nice and older than me. I tried to make it work, but it just did not work, and after almost a year with him when I still just had NO real feelings for him, I broke up with him in May 07.

I did the LAME thing and told him I just was not ready for a relationship and had too much going on in my head and heart. It was not true and I SHOULD have told him that I was not feeling for him the way he was feeling for me (well I kind of did, but did not make it clear enough). We did however stay friends and went out in groups and talked and occassionally visited each other, but nothing physical ever went on after the breakup.

Well in January this year (7 months after the breakup with him) I started dating a guy. The relationship is going great, this guy is more suited to me and Im more ready to open myself again and be involved with this new guy. However, even though I don't speak to the 'ex' much anymore, I still do occassionally and I have NO idea how to tell him that Im seeing someone. Im sure he has a clue about it, but it has not come from me. I know he wanted me back for a long time, but Im not sure if he still does.

He may actually get MAD if/when I tell him about my 'new' guy, but Im sure he'd be more mad if he heard it from someone else before me. I don't know how to tell him though.

What do I do?? How would YOU want to find that kind of thing out? Am I obligated to tell him? I am not sure how to play this one out. I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to stop MY life because Im afraid to hurt him.

Thanks!

[A Man]

If you want to stay friends with the ex, it may be best to tell him, as he would probably be hurt if he found out through someone else. If he is truly a friend, then he will be happy for you and not upset that you have found a companion. You are not obligated to tell him, but as a friend, and a guy, I would want to know if you were my friend. I'd just venture to guess it'd turn out worse if he finds out through someone else, and eventually, he will find out at some point, not that there's anything wrong with you having found a new boyfriend.

Also, it may sound like you feel a tad guilty not telling him. I believe you want to stay on friendly terms with your ex, and if so, then telling him yourself would be a good idea.

[celstu1]

Thank you. Im having lunch with him tomorrow. I will TRY really hard to tell him or mention it then.