Serious Question About Nursing Homes

[Janet]

Ladies, a friend and I were talking the other day. She is younger than I am and already worried about old age and nursing homes. Well, her worries got me to thinking too so I thought maybe you all can help ease our worries.

I'm not even sure how to start, it's much easier talking about it. For instance, Rick and I are married (duh...lol) It's in the future and Rick or I have to go to a nursing home while the other one doesn't. She said that the one NOT in the nursing home would lose most everything because it would be needed to take care of the one in the nursing home. Is that true??? Is it a good thing that I have Mom's home just in my name or will it make a difference since we are married? She has me scared to death.

Since we don't have the best marriage, I don't want to lose everything we've worked for. My gosh, I would resent him even more than I do now. So tell me...is this a possibility?

She said if they were still alive and doing well at 60, they were planning on divorcing so there hopefully would be enough time between the divorce and needing a nursing home so the nursing home couldn't come back on them. She said they were going to put their house in one of their names, but didn't know which one yet.

I told her if she puts it in his name, what happens if she should go into a nursing home first and visa versa. She didn't know of course.

I tell you, this has really got me to thinking now. I don't want to lose everything and be put in an old folks home instead of a nice nursing home. Hopefully both of us will die of a heart attack or something and not need a nursing home, but this really has me worried.

Any thoughts? (I realize we all probably won't be here, but ya never know).

[DianaB]

Wow!! I don't know. Those are good questions. Where did your friend get her information from? It would probably be better to put things in your kids names ahead of time, I would think.

[Janet]

Well I had thought of that too like when I got Mom's house, I was going to put Ricky's name on it too and the attorney said "heaven forbid he have to file bankruptcy, because then I would lose the house". Wow...stuck between a rock and a hard place to me.

I don't like my friends idea about divorcing though because if for instance she put it in his name he could tell her to get lost and everything be his.

Her information didn't come from anyone or anywhere that I'm aware of. We just got in this conversation, talking about our parents. She lost her dad like I did and then her Mom lived with her, but passed while living with her. So we just kept the conversation going and WOW...it just gave me something to think (worry) about...lol. I mean it takes a lot to be in a nursing home.

[gja1000]

I'm going to see if I can answer some of these things for you below in your post.

Originally Posted by Janet

Ladies, a friend and I were talking the other day. She is younger than I am and already worried about old age and nursing homes. Well, her worries got me to thinking too so I thought maybe you all can help ease our worries.

I'm not even sure how to start, it's much easier talking about it. For instance, Rick and I are married (duh...lol) It's in the future and Rick or I have to go to a nursing home while the other one doesn't. She said that the one NOT in the nursing home would lose most everything because it would be needed to take care of the one in the nursing home. The spouse not in the NH gets to keep the house, and a car - but I do know it cannot be a new car, there is a cap on how much the car can be worth. Also, the spouse gets to keep their own social security and pension, but the SS and pension of the person in the NH is used for NH care Is that true??? Is it a good thing that I have Mom's home just in my name or will it make a difference since we are married? She has me scared to death. Yes, having your mom's house in your name alone will protect it - at least is does in Texas, that might be a question for an Indiana attorney to be sure of the IN laws

Since we don't have the best marriage, I don't want to lose everything we've worked for. My gosh, I would resent him even more than I do now. So tell me...is this a possibility? no, unless the laws are different in IN and I don't think so, because this is a federal law, protecting the spouse, I think. Again, i'd check with an IN attorney to be sure.

She said if they were still alive and doing well at 60, they were planning on divorcing so there hopefully would be enough time between the divorce and needing a nursing home so the nursing home couldn't come back on them. She said they were going to put their house in one of their names, but didn't know which one yet. You might end up putting the house in the name of the one that ends up in the NH though, how could you know which one was likely to NOT go into the NH?

I told her if she puts it in his name, what happens if she should go into a nursing home first and visa versa. She didn't know of course. exactly!

I tell you, this has really got me to thinking now. I don't want to lose everything and be put in an old folks home instead of a nice nursing home. Hopefully both of us will die of a heart attack or something and not need a nursing home, but this really has me worried.

Any thoughts? (I realize we all probably won't be here, but ya never know).

I also think it would be worth consulting an attorney that specializes in elder care to see how this would all play out in your state. But I am sure the spouse does not have to give up everything - that just wouldn't be right if the spouse not in a NH had to live on the streets so that the other one could be in a NH. There are no easy solutions, that's for sure.

[gja1000]

Originally Posted by Janet

Well I had thought of that too like when I got Mom's house, I was going to put Ricky's name on it too and the attorney said "heaven forbid he have to file bankruptcy, because then I would lose the house". Wow...stuck between a rock and a hard place to me.

I don't like my friends idea about divorcing though because if for instance she put it in his name he could tell her to get lost and everything be his.

Her information didn't come from anyone or anywhere that I'm aware of. We just got in this conversation, talking about our parents. She lost her dad like I did and then her Mom lived with her, but passed while living with her. So we just kept the conversation going and WOW...it just gave me something to think (worry) about...lol. I mean it takes a lot to be in a nursing home. Yes, it does cost a lot to be in a NH and I know that my mom doesn't have enough money to afford one. I do know the Affordable Care Act has many provisions to increase the amount of help you can get in the home to encourage people to keep loved ones at home as long as possible. The cost to keep someone at home, even for quite a bit of care and help is about 1/2 of the NH costs. I'll probably have to do that if mom has to go into the NH because she doesn't have enough monthly income to pay for a NH. She has a little savings that we could supplement her monthly income to pay for a NH for a few months, but not for long. I don't think I'll have to worry about that with Gary, he will likely not have to go into a NH, but for me, who knows. I'm certainly not going to divorce him! LOL!!! Actually if he did have to go to a NH, he can go into a VA nursing home because he is 100% VA disabled - but the closest one is 90 miles away

It is certainly a dilemma!

[gja1000]

http://www.elderlawanswers.com/Resou...pe=IN&key=keym

Here is a website where you can search by state about the Medicaid laws and spouses in the NH.

[Janet]

See....I told you I learn so much from you. I'm so glad the one not in a nursing home won't lose everything. That was so scary to think about. I'm sure my friend will be happy to find out too. She has always been one to worry about things, whether real or not.

Thanks for the link, I'll be checking it out and hopefully I will be able to understand it...lol.

[judy]

Thanks Gayle! This is a good website!

I have to call my financial manager (not that are a lot of finances to manage!). I do have an annuity, a house, a pension and SS. I have gotten a will form from the teachers' union. I have to sit down with Jessie and Steve about some details, and I have to find out what to do with my $ and my house. I believe in NYS, everything has to be in somebody else's name five years before you end up in a NH. I'm not about to put things in Jessie and Steve's names now, but, at some point, I might.

If I don't, the proceeds from the house and the $ I have go to the NH until it is used up. Then, Medicare or Medicaid pays for it. I have no desire for the state to get my house. I would like Jessie to get whatever she can for it. I don't have enough money to worry about.

It is a dilemma! I want full control over my property, but don't want her to lose it if I end up in a home before I transfer it.

[gja1000]

It is a dilemma, Judy. Fortunately for me, my daughter's husband makes a very good income (now) so I'm not going to worry about giving them my house. If I have to go into the NH, I will have them sell my house and use the money to pay for NH care till it runs out, hopefully, it won't run out. I will be single when that happens so I won't have to worry about my spouse.

[judy]

I don't have to worry about Jessie getting my house. Steve doesn't make any money, but they won't be set for life because of my house! I would just hate for the NH to get it instead of her.

It is sad to have to say that you will be single. It is just so unpredictable as to how life works out, after all of our planning!

[Janet]

You're right Judy. This thread has turned kind of sad. I was so upset with my friend for bringing it up in the first place. Then of course I worry about it. I want to make sure Ricky gets everything. Guess I need to start planning. We wanted to get Mom's taken care of first and it should be finished by the end of April or first of May. Then we will be getting our Wills made.

[gja1000]

Judy, it is sad to say that I know I will be single at the end of my life - but it is reality. I live with this everyday, and I think about it often. I think (I hope) it will help me deal with it when he is gone. The truth is that 50% of the people with the diagnosis of heart failure die within 5 years and 25% more within 7 years. Gary has been diagnosed for 8 1/2 years, so he is living on borrowed time - because - he has so many other health problems, all of which, complicate heart failure. There is no doubt he would already be gone if he were not married to a health professional. Now, that is the rational side of me - I know when it actually happens I will be a basket case - but it will not be a surprise.

I'm sorry this thread has turned sad, but I never say these things to anyone. It helps to be able to say them here. it does cause a lump in my throat, but I need to get it out sometimes.

[Janet]

You go right ahead Gayle, well always be here for you. I wish I could give you a hug, you means so much to me.

[judy]

I think you are right to keep the reality somewhere in your mind, but we are here for you whenever you want to bring it up. I do the same with Jessie, and I did it with my mother, who also had heaert failure.

One breath at a time.

[DianaB]

We all realize that Gary's health is fragile and that you do a wonderful job of making sure he's in the best health that he can be in. I know that I couldn't do as good of a job as you do because I don't understand the medical field. It shows how much you love Gary. Should anything happen to Gary you can rest assured that you have definitely given him the best quality of life that is within your reach. You are a good wife!!