Venting about hubby....AGAIN!!!

[Janet]

When the neighbor let us borrow his tractor with a bucket to clean out our driveway, my son had to show him how to use it. My son worked for another farmer last summer and they had one exactly like it...so my son knew what he was doing. Once my son (Rick) showed hubby how to start it, hubby drove it to our house. He wasn't very good at it and my son kept asking him to let him try it. Well hubby (kid with a new toy) didn't want to let him. So I went out there and when hubby got off to go to the bathroom, I told my son to take over. Hubby wasn't thrilled, because it wasn't our tractor, but my son knew what he was doing and did a much better job in less time than hubby did.

My husband is always doing this! He thinks our son is too young or something, not sure what he is thinking. I mean I worry about my son driving his car, but his dad worries way more than I do. My son is a very good driver, needs to slow down a little bit, but he's got a good head on his shoulders.

I just don't know how to make my husband understand that our son is growing up and can do a lot more than what he gives him credit for. Any suggestions besides, just telling him to back off and leave him alone?

[rivermom]

Your husband is who he is and clearly protecting, overly at that possibly is definitely his way of showing your son his love/care/protection for him. I don't believe he is doing this because he feels your son isn't capable of handeling important tasks as the tractor, etc. Yet, he loves him so much his protection for him just takes over.

This is why you are there Janet, you are the balance that your son needs. Your son isn't missing out on life's opportunity's because he has you there to guide him also. Your son is lucky to have both parents who love and care for him so.

Your son isn't missing out at all because of you being the "balance" over his Dad's over protectivness. He is truly blessed.

[Mandy]

Janet, i know it can be a tough call to play the "middle man" at times! Sometimes i feel like "sargent major" when my husband & son get into a discussion, they can argue over the smallest most unimportant issue, that makes me think "what was the issue"??
I'm now learning to leave them, and walk away, let them sort themselves out, coz i'm just tired of listening to those silly things.

[Janet]

Same thing going on here Mandy. I get so tired of their 'discussions.' To tell the truth though, usually my son is on the side of 'right' and not my husband. There are times I let them work it out between them, then there are others when NO WAY. I always back up my son...IF I know he is right. My son and I very...very...seldom have disagreements. Maybe once in a great while. I wish his Dad would just back off and (as long as he doesn't get hurt) let him make his own mistakes. How else is he going to learn?

[rivermom]

I so much agree with you Janet about "sitting back and watching your kids make mistakes". It is truly important for them, as they "hopefully" learn by their mistakes and move forward. It's all about life...

Having 5 kids I see that some don't make as many mistakes and their own bumps in life are not that bad (so far)...

Then I have a couple kids (who take after me) and take that LONG road, hitting every bump and ripple imaginable. Not taking notice the first time the stumbling took place and have to stumble a few more times, LOL. But in the end I see them learning and that's all that matters.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

Same thing going on here Mandy. I get so tired of their 'discussions.' To tell the truth though, usually my son is on the side of 'right' and not my husband. There are times I let them work it out between them, then there are others when NO WAY. I always back up my son...IF I know he is right. My son and I very...very...seldom have disagreements. Maybe once in a great while. I wish his Dad would just back off and (as long as he doesn't get hurt) let him make his own mistakes. How else is he going to learn?

Janet , Sheryl hit it on the head your both wonderful caring parents, as I am reading your above post, if I may say so even though it may not be . It sounds like there is favoritism. Your husband probably feels left out, because it your eyes your son does no wrong. Rick sounds very mature for his age, but to your husband he is still a kid. Yes he does have to make mistakes, this is the way we all learn.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Gina

Janet , Sheryl hit it on the head your both wonderful caring parents, as I am reading your above post, if I may say so even though it may not be . It sounds like there is favoritism. Your husband probably feels left out, because it your eyes your son does no wrong. Rick sounds very mature for his age, but to your husband he is still a kid. Yes he does have to make mistakes, this is the way we all learn.

There may be a little favoritism, but not a lot. I just give my son a chance to learn from his own mistakes. Believe me, I KNOW my son does wrong sometimes. He's a teenager still learning. I'm not sure if my husband still thinks of him as a kid. He just doesn't have enough confidence in him. I do. Hubby has always done everything for our son, instead of letting him try more on his own. That is not a good thing.