Not going to believe this one!!

[Janet]

Okay, most of you know how I feel about hubby 3/4 the time . Well, he did it again!! He has been so nice to make the bed every morning for the last couple of weeks . Looks bad, but I don't say anything, just wait for him to go to work and then I fix it. That's being a good wife, don't ya think so?????

Okay, this morning I go in to remake the bed and saw that Joey had had a bit of diarrhea on the while blanket we use . How in the world can someone see brown crud all over the a white blanket and go ahead and make it? I just can't believe this has happened.

I did, kindly (it took all I had in me) mention it to him this evening. He said he thought it looked a little dengy. How can someone not know the difference between deingy and brown diarrhea?

[AngieDoogles]

Oh my. Men really can be oblivious sometimes, but that one confuses me too...

Good for you for not getting upset and handling it in such a positive way! I'm sure he really appreciated that, whether he let you know or not.

[Marilyn]

Ooooooouuuuu, I don't get that one either. My hubby would have not made the bed and told me that MY dog had crapped in the bed, expecting me to handle it. Aren't they a mess???? Both the dogs and the men!!!

[DianaB]

My husband would have been like Marilyn's and pointed it out to me to take care of. After all, the dog is mine.

How sweet of your husband to be making the bed for you. You really shouldn't go in and redo it for him. I read a book that said that when you do that you let them know by your actions that you weren't happy with their work and it will discourage them from doing it.

I caught myself, after I had read the book, straightening a pillow that my husband placed on the bed for me. He made a comment and hasn't helped since (of course he's usually not here when I make the bed). Next time the bed is made how it's made.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by DianaB

My husband would have been like Marilyn's and pointed it out to me to take care of. After all, the dog is mine.

How sweet of your husband to be making the bed for you. You really shouldn't go in and redo it for him. I read a book that said that when you do that you let them know by your actions that you weren't happy with their work and it will discourage them from doing it.

I caught myself, after I had read the book, straightening a pillow that my husband placed on the bed for me. He made a comment and hasn't helped since (of course he's usually not here when I make the bed). Next time the bed is made how it's made.

I don't mind taking care of things concerning the dogs, I love them so much! But at least he could have told me. It could have been on there a lot longer if I hadn't gone in there.

I guess you could call it sweet. It would have been sweeter if he had done it right in the first place. Maybe the author of that book would like to make my bed...LOL

It's just that I've always been taught to do chores the right way. After living with me for almost 32 years, you would a thought he had a clue how the bed is made and few other things for that matter. I remember a saying that goes: If you don't have time to do it right the first time, when are you going to have time to do it over?"

[Tink]

Hmmmmmmmmmm I'm trying to recall if my dh has ever made our bed. LOL
I imagine in nearly 22 yrs he might have once or twice, but I doubt it's any more than that. LOL

Janet, the sad thing is, you can let his imperfections drive you away from him or you can learn to laugh them off and choose to love him anyway. I went through a period of many years where I focussed on Gregs ability to annoy me. When I was feeling like that, EVERYTHING he did became worse in my eyes. Of course the less I appreciated him, the less he tried, too. (and who could blame him?) Eventually I came to a point where my prayers changed from "Lord, fix this idiot I'm bound to" to "Lord, help me to learn to love him again" and miracles began to happen.

Life's far too short to spend it miserable and barely tolerating the person you're committed to. Divorce is an option, but that breeds more unhappiness and hurts everyone around you in the process. What's worked for us, is to choose to make Greg my best friend. I tell him "since you're stuck with me for life, we'd better find a way to make this work" and his attitude has changed in response. We now laugh off a lot of things that just a couple years ago would have driven another wedge between us. In the process we're both happier and much closer to each other.

Your posts about your marriage make me sad because they remind me so much of where we were at and how hopeless it felt to be there. You're such a wonderful lady that I hate the thought of you living like that. I'm going to pray that you and your dh have the same blessing that me and mine have recieved. I don't have the answer for you, but know God does. Expect a miracle.

HUGS

[Janet]

Tink, you help in so many different ways, more than you know. I honestly don't think I can do what you've suggested. I have felt this way for so long. It's so hard for people to understand only because I post bits and pieces, but I don't things will ever change.

We can't talk about issues because every discussion ends up with us angry. He's not willing to really listen. He is really very selfish especially when it comes to money..so much so that he hides it in coffee cans in the ground behind his garage. I know it's there, who is he fooling? I have never EVER spent money without talking with him about it (for large expenses.) So why is he hiding it? That's just part of it.

I'm angry that when we were trying to have children he assumed it was my fault. I took the blame, but it was his fault. He never thinks anything is his fault. I should have left then, but then I wouldn't have my wonderful son.

The making the bed thing...that's just another of a long, long list. He thinks just because he may do something around the house, that I'm suppose to applaud him, stand and clap at his accomplishment, but he is unwilling to do the same to me. I use to thank him and tell him how much I appreciated it, but when I asked why he never did the same do me...he said he figured that's what I was suppose to do.

I'm not happy and I'm crying as I write this. I don't love him, I care for him, but that's it. Once my son is on his own, then I will be too, hopefully. My life has not been EVEN close to what I had wished and dreamed of. Seems like such a wasted life. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy, but I guess I'll take the blame for that too. I should have left along time ago, but now I feel stuck, at least for a few more years.

My son and my Yorkies bring me so much joy and with them, I'll be able to get through until I can leave. I guess I really shouldn't have written so much about me personally. I hope you all can forgive me. I won't be posting anymore about my miserable marriage. It just brings up years and years of things I've tried to put out of my mind.

I'm sorry.

[Tink]

{{{Janet}}} I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm very sorry if I did.

There's no reason you should have to hide how you're feeling from me or anyone else. I didn't mean that at all. I just wish you could be happy because I know you're a really nice lady and deserve to be content.

As I said, I don't have any magic cure, but I do believe God does. I do plan to pray for you. I HAVE been where you're at... maybe not the exact same situations, but much the same level of dissatisfaction. I know it's no way to live.

[DianaB]

Janet, the book that I mentioned in another thread, the Five Love Languages, is one that you should probably read. When I got it I cried through two whole chapters because they really spoke about what I was feeling. Basically it says that there are 5 ways for your spouse to let you know that they love you and if they're not reaching you in the way that you need then you're not feeling loved.

It sounds like your husband, like my own, isn't meeting your needs. My husband is a wonderful man who loves me very much, but my need is quality time, and he fails in that area. When I look back over the years I've always felt that he never had time for me alone. In every other area he's been wonderful, but those things aren't what has made me feel loved. He's reading the book and I'm trying to communicate (my biggest problem, I don't communicate when I'm upset). I'm hoping that things will definitely improve. It hasn't been a very good marriage in my opinion for quite a while, but he didn't see that we had any problems.

I recommend the book only if you and your husband can get together and discuss it. Maybe it will help you to understand what is important to the other and things will improve for you too.

[Janet]

Thank you Diana.

[AngieDoogles]

Here is the link for The Five Love Languages. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

There is a quiz there that helps you determine for sure what your love language is and from there it is easier to meet each others' needs. Brendon and I both have a copy of this book, so if anyone would like me to send you a copy, just PM me and I'd be happy to.

Like Diana, I highly recommend reading this book with your spouse. It's an amazing and enlightening experience. I feel that my marriage has been much better than it would have if we hadn't learned those concepts.

[judy]

Dear Janet,

I'm so sorry that you're not happy now. I wasn't happy during my last marriage either and when that ended, even with the other issues I have in my life, I learned that I am always happy. It's just the way I'm made.

Look deep inside and see if you can get in touch with that happy part of you. When you find it, and feel it, just go with it. Nobody can take that from you.

I'm sending you prayers and hugs,

Judy

[Mandy]

We just dont "get it" at times, as they dont "get it" with us, but i agree with you Janet, theres absolutly no use in making up a soiled bed, it would have been a lot easier if he had taken all the bedding off, and told you it was in the washing machine, thats what my husband would have done.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Mandy

We just dont "get it" at times, as they dont "get it" with us, but i agree with you Janet, theres absolutly no use in making up a soiled bed, it would have been a lot easier if he had taken all the bedding off, and told you it was in the washing machine, thats what my husband would have done.

Sounds like you have a good man Mandy!!

Oh Janet, I feel so sad for you....I'm not going to tell you to accept this or don't make a mountain out of a mole hill, it sounds like these things tend to leave you feeling very sad, hurt, disappointed & unappreciated even if the intent wasn't there. .... it's to bad what "should have been" has turned into "what you didn't want" ...I hope you can find some comfort in the things that do bring joy in your life like your son & pets... Now as for the bed....I would have told him I was going to watch some tv & I would have slept on the couch & he can sleep in the darn poo...one more day of not doing the wash wouldn't have hurt ....as for the money, I sure hope no animal digs that up