I think it's over.

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by rivermom

Sometimes it's difficult to remember that we can never change others, only ourselves. Our actions, thought processes, attitudes, etc...

Too true, we tend to forget that other people think differently, and cant change their thoughts, or ways of thinking

[Lindsey]

Originally Posted by Mandy

Lindsey, if you plan on traveling, and bringing the little one across, but are worried about the quarantine, let me know, i can help you.

Thanks Mandy! As soon as I get the money to go to Europe, I'll be there!

[Mandy]

Originally Posted by Lindsey

Thanks Mandy! As soon as I get the money to go to Europe, I'll be there!

[Lindsey]

He emailed me.
He asked what's the deal with us and I told him "I told you want I want. That's your decision." And it turned into a big fight basically me defending why I want to move and him saying that's stupid. He said he has friends and family here and he won't leave just to go to "the yukon or the maritimes or whatever your dream place is" I told him I'm not happy here and I don't want to settle and be sitting here 10 or 20 or 30 years down the road wondering what else I could have done with my life. He said "whatever". I asked him to understand where I'm coming from, I'm not happy here and I need to go places and see things. He said it would be stupid for him to get up and leave everything he's ever known. I said "then it looks like our lives are taking different paths."
and that's it. no reply.

[katepoet]

I found a man who was willing to follow me anywhere. Life intervened and we haven't gone very far but I know the deal still holds, 26 years later. He will always back me up and put me first. I have to recommend it. Of course, it's a two-way street, but I am the one with the career and travel plans - I really expected to spend a lot of time in Africa and South America. Still might get to do some of that, just differently than I planned originally. But I would not have allowed myself to get serious with someone who didn't put me first. We still took care of his mom, my dad, whatever we needed to do, but we did it together, making decisions that were best for the two of us, and eventually, our son. (and don't forget, the dog!)

[rivermom]

Lindsey - By all you wrote it sorta seems you've already shown yourself where this relationship is going. I think you have your answers to realize which road you need to take girl.

My heart goes out to you. I admire you for realizing what you want out of your life. Many people wander forever and have not a clue. You are one step ahead of the game!!

[Lindsey]

I got home after work yesterday and packed up all his stuff and took it to his house and he wanted to talk. I left it all in my car. He made me smile and he said he didn't want to lose me and we should still have our date night. We went to red lobster and we watched the bee movie, then he came back to my house. We went straight to bed. This morning we fought again about the dog. I told him "leave" and he got up and started getting dressed and I said "I'll get your stuff from my car" and he said "whatever" and ran out the door before I could even put jeans on. I got outside and he was already ripping down the street. I got in my car and followed him home. I got to his house and he wouldn't look at me as he was walking inside. I threw his bag in front of his front steps and went back to my car. He picked it up and started walking towards the dumpster. Every memory of us is in there. Everything he ever bought for me. I hurt so bad. My heart feels like it was just torn out. I can't breathe.

[katepoet]

So hard - but look at him - he got you to pack, move and carry all his crap home to him. He let you wait on him. He talked you into romance and sex without committing to your well-being. He was not worth you, Lindsey, really and truly. You are a strong, vibrant woman - you will go through this grieving the loss and come to the other end full of joy in the knowledge that you are great without him. Life will be better, you'll see. Don't ever let him bother you again.

Now, what are you going to do to get through this weekend? What can you do for yourself to help you to cope?

[Lindsey]

He told me to just throw it all out myself. I couldn't do it. So I took it to him and he threw it out right in front of me.
My roommate and I are putting up Christmas lights outside today because it's really nice out. That might take my mind off of things.
Tonight I had plans with one of my best guy friends that I haven't seen in months, I really hope he doesn't cancel on me. For the rest of the weekend, I don't know. I might just sit here and cuddle with Layla to feel better. I think it'll be worse at work on Tuesday (long weekend here) because I'm running out of stuff to do, so I usually just emailed him all day.

[rivermom]

Originally Posted by Lindsey

He told me to just throw it all out myself. I couldn't do it. So I took it to him and he threw it out right in front of me.
My roommate and I are putting up Christmas lights outside today because it's really nice out. That might take my mind off of things.
Tonight I had plans with one of my best guy friends that I haven't seen in months, I really hope he doesn't cancel on me. For the rest of the weekend, I don't know. I might just sit here and cuddle with Layla to feel better. I think it'll be worse at work on Tuesday (long weekend here) because I'm running out of stuff to do, so I usually just emailed him all day.

Christmas lights are fun!! Well girl....time to get yourself a new man.

[katepoet]

Oh... time to count on yourself for awhile and to heck with men until you have healed a bit from this one!

So, instead of emailing him, post here and keep us up on how you are, fill us in on who you are, tell us your dreams and share your herstory (to he$$ with his!). If you close your eyes and imagine a future that centers on you, who and what surround you? Career, love, children, a house, an RV, a boat, music, travel to where???

Christmas lights? Post a pic when you are done if you feel like it - I don't get to do that anymore so I'd love to share your decorations.

[Lindsey]

I feel like I made a big mistake. I'm filled with regret.
I tried to talk to him but he doesn't really want to talk. He's with his friends today at a football game. He said maybe we'll talk tomorrow.
I DO like him. I love his family, his friends, his dogs, his hugs, his kisses, his cuddles when we're sleeping in the middle of the night. I miss him laughing. I miss him making me laugh. I miss dates.
I am to blame for a lot of what goes on between us, and I just never want to admit it. If I'm in a bad mood I start fights. I bring up the topic of my dog. I bring up things that bother me, even if they're just little, and I turn them into something huge.
He has been doing better with Layla lately. If he's in a bad mood he doesn't want to be around her. But if he's in a good mood he tries to just be indifferent, and sometimes he'll pet her or try to play with her.
This might sound really shallow, but I worry that my friends or family won't think he's attractive enough for me. It shouldn't matter. If I'm happy on the inside, why does the outside matter? Sometimes I feel like I have to prove something. When I left his house yesterday morning I noticed I had 2 text messages on my phone from an ex. A really really attractive and wealthy ex. I was so drawn to his looks and charm I was with him on and off for about 2 years... even though I knew he did a lot of drugs, and he was cheating on me. He openly admitted it. He even cheated with strippers. But I was like, just LOOK at this eye candy I've got on my arm! But on the inside I was so depressed. I hated myself, I could barely even make myself eat. I was 5'8 and 112 lbs. His text message yesterday said he was hanging out with a girl who had my smile, and he thought of me, and he just wanted to say hi. It made me feel sick.
So why is Kyle so bad? Why am I trying to not let myself be happy with him? He treats me well, his family treats me well, his friends love me. My parents love him.
I think the root of us fighting so much is that we talk so much. We talk every day at work over email, then on the phone at night, and usually see each other 3 or 4 nights of the week and then we're usually together ALL weekend. We don't have seperate lives. We run out of things to talk about, so we fight.
If he's willing to give it another try (because I think I am... and most people probably think that's a mistake) I think we should just give ourselves one night a week to hang out. A designated date night. And then one weekend day and night. I need a day to myself to unwind and spend time with Layla or my friends and just get things done. And the emails at work have to stop. I'd like us to actually be able to talk about things when we get together. We pretty much know every detailed hour of each other's lives.
So what does everyone think? Is it worth another chance? Should I talk to him about it tomorrow?

[katepoet]

In all honesty, I don't think you are ready to be with Kyle or with anyone else right now. I think you need to spend time getting to know yourself and really taking care of your needs all by yourself until you can stand on your own and feel content. When that happens, the right man, be it Kyle or someone else, will walk into your life.

It sounds as if you get involved with men who are not truly good for you. From what you have said, Kyle is one of them. I know you have mixed feelings. You can love a lot of people, you know, there is something lovable in each of us, but that doesn't mean you should get involved with each person for that lovable part. Sure, some parts of Kyle are lovable but some parts of him don't work with some parts of you.

Don't kick yourself for how you have been in this relationship. You have room to grow but feeling "fault" is not a good way to go. You are a good person, a loving person, a creative and joyful person. So why should you have to edit yourself so much to be with a man. Not a way to start life with someone.

Please, take a break from any love relationships except with yourself. Go to some counseling or read books about how to accept who you are, to love and like yourself. You are worth it, Lindsey.

I always doubted myself at the ending of a relationship, always missed whatever I had that was good with each man. It was lonely and depressing. It wasn't until I took the time to focus on making my life good, independent of men, that I became someone who could make a relationship truly work, someone who was ready to meet and keep a really, truly nice guy. It's been true for so many of my friends, too.

Give yourself a chance, Lindsey. Get through one day, and then add the next. Life will get better.

[Lindsey]

Each day is getting worse and worse and worse. I can't stand not having him to talk to. I can't stop crying. I made a mistake.

[Lindsey]

I am going to his house in 15 minutes to talk. I know nobody here agrees with it. I just feel I need to.