I'm so stressed!

[Carolyn]

I'm so upset and mad. Yesterday my son gets off the school bus and tells me that an older boy and two girls were cursing at him, teasing him and making believe they were choking him. They didn't actually touch him but still. He said he kept telling them to stop but of course they didn't. I asked him what the bus driver was doing while all this was going on and he said she was driving. Okay now if I was the bus driver I would have pulled over told everyone to sit down or else we're not going anywhere. The thing is the older kids sit in the back of the bus and the younger kids in the front. Once the bus starts emptying the older kids move up but they're not supposed to. Everyone has assigned seats.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm very protective of my kids and my first reaction was I was going to find out the stop the kid is on and confront his mother, call her a crack ho and ask her what kind of monster she's raising. Hubby didn't think this was a good idea. So now I don't know whether to talk to the bus driver this morning or wait and see if it happens again on the way home. My son is very sweet and sensitive unlike my 6 year old daughter who would probably tell you to go to hell. I think that's why I'm like this with him.

My neighbors son was picked on last year on the bus and now she picks them up from school. I refuse to do that. I feel like it's giving in and I pay ALOT of taxes where I live and I don't want my kids sheltered.

I haven't had much luck with bus drivers. Rewind to last year. My neighbors kids and my son are getting off the bus. They're pushing and shoving and the bus driver screams on the top his lungs at my son and not the other kids to stop and made him cry. Okay that put me over the edge. I told him if he has a problem to let me know and I'd take care of it, not to yell at a 6 year old. This is the edited version. I called the transportation dept. and they reassigned that bus driver. Okay now the first week of school this year we had a bus driver who for some reason didn't stop at our stop. She would just drive past. My daughter was screaming that she passed our stop but she couldn't here her over the radio she had blasting. I had to race to the next stop to get them off the bus. Also the ONE time she did stop my son wasn't on the bus. She "accidentely" left him at school and she didn't know where he was. I was almost in tears and 10 minutes later they found him on another bus. Okay needless to say after our confrontation say she's not driving my kids anymore.

What is wrong with people! I told my son if they do it to just ignore them and not tell them to stop since that's what they want. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset. BUT I'm just afraid if I don't do anything it will escalate and possibly become physical. My son is a green belt in karate and does very well but at this age it doesn't matter if someone is older and stronger than you.

I'm at my wits end and have a knot in my stomach today. Sorry this is so long.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Carolyn

I'm so upset and mad. Yesterday my son gets off the school bus and tells me that an older boy and two girls were cursing at him, teasing him and making believe they were choking him. They didn't actually touch him but still. He said he kept telling them to stop but of course they didn't. I asked him what the bus driver was doing while all this was going on and he said she was driving. Okay now if I was the bus driver I would have pulled over told everyone to sit down or else we're not going anywhere. The thing is the older kids sit in the back of the bus and the younger kids in the front. Once the bus starts emptying the older kids move up but they're not supposed to. Everyone has assigned seats.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm very protective of my kids and my first reaction was I was going to find out the stop the kid is on and confront his mother, call her a crack ho and ask her what kind of monster she's raising. Hubby didn't think this was a good idea. So now I don't know whether to talk to the bus driver this morning or wait and see if it happens again on the way home. My son is very sweet and sensitive unlike my 6 year old daughter who would probably tell you to go to hell. I think that's why I'm like this with him.

My neighbors son was picked on last year on the bus and now she picks them up from school. I refuse to do that. I feel like it's giving in and I pay ALOT of taxes where I live and I don't want my kids sheltered.

I haven't had much luck with bus drivers. Rewind to last year. My neighbors kids and my son are getting off the bus. They're pushing and shoving and the bus driver screams on the top his lungs at my son and not the other kids to stop and made him cry. Okay that put me over the edge. I told him if he has a problem to let me know and I'd take care of it, not to yell at a 6 year old. This is the edited version. I called the transportation dept. and they reassigned that bus driver. Okay now the first week of school this year we had a bus driver who for some reason didn't stop at our stop. She would just drive past. My daughter was screaming that she passed our stop but she couldn't here her over the radio she had blasting. I had to race to the next stop to get them off the bus. Also the ONE time she did stop my son wasn't on the bus. She "accidentely" left him at school and she didn't know where he was. I was almost in tears and 10 minutes later they found him on another bus. Okay needless to say after our confrontation say she's not driving my kids anymore.

What is wrong with people! I told my son if they do it to just ignore them and not tell them to stop since that's what they want. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset. BUT I'm just afraid if I don't do anything it will escalate and possibly become physical. My son is a green belt in karate and does very well but at this age it doesn't matter if someone is older and stronger than you.

I'm at my wits end and have a knot in my stomach today. Sorry this is so long.

Carolyn...I'm afraid I'm going to have a long reply to your long post. I am a bus driver (have been for 6 years) and carry students from Kindergarten to 12th grade. Our first priority job as bus drivers is to get the students to and from school safely. Secondly, we are to keep order on the bus. Okay with that said...we, as bus drivers can not be looking in our rearview mirror constantly to see what is going on...we have to watch the road and all it's obstacles. Also, with our schools buses, the motor is up front or beside us and we can not hear everything, only the "loudness" of the students..not what is actually being said.

I run a very "tight" bus. I mail out a copy of the schools bus rules and add on the rules that I feel should be enforced. There is a place for parents to sign and return to me so that I know they have read the rules. Therefore they have no excuse for their child's behavior. One rule of mine is no child will ever have to ride the bus fearing ridicule, hararassment or embarassment.

Our rules are enforced the following way. First I will try to correct whatever bad behavior is happening. The second time I call their parents. Third time I write them up and turn it in to the office where the child is called in to speak with me and the Assist. Principal. She gives whatever punishment is warranted from a stern (scary) talking to , detention, and/or expulsion.

This morning I had a 9th grade male student calling a 8th grade female student a whore, said she "gets off" with a bottle, that she pays for sex, and that she was a co*k juggling whore. In this instance, it's way over the line in my book and I immediately wrote him up and escorted him to the office myself. He is expelled for 3 days at my request. He will also be sitting in the front row of the bus the rest of the year. I've always had problems with him and he's run out of any kind of consideration from me.

You should calmly talk with your driver, if it is not resolved, then go to your Assist. Principal. The bus coordinator really hasn't much of a say so, at least with our school, his job is to make sure the buses are running good, and taking care of the routes. It is the bus drivers job to handle the kids on the bus and take the appropriate action.

I will tell you that an irate parent gets little respect from me although I understand their frustration. We as bus drivers can not see and hear everything on the bus and unless we have actual eye witnesses to help, it's one kids word against the other.

I do really love the kids on my bus. I'm definitly not getting paid enough for all I do. BUT...I have the most supportive parents who back me up no matter what. Even if it is their child in trouble..they respect what I'm trying to do. It's not always easy.

I do hope that this post helps you in some way. Talk with your bus driver first about your concerns calmly...then if you're not satisfied...talk with your school officials. But remember...it's easier for them to understand what has happened if you talk to them and not rant and rave like a lunatic (not saying you do, but you wouldn't believe how some parent carry on...no wonder their child gets in trouble).

I wish you the best in resolving the situation on your children's bus.

[Carolyn]

Janet,

Thanks so much for your reply! I really like this new bus driver and mentioned what when on yesterday to her this morning. She told me she would talk to the kid. So I'll wait and see what happens. We have basically the same bus rules as you but some of the drivers don't seem to enforce them much at all.

I'm really a very nice calm person but when someone yell at my kids or oozes stupidity all bets are off. I will not let my kids be bullied or harassed in any shape or form and I will do whatever it takes to make it stop.

I can see that it's certainly not an easy job at all but some of the drivers I've seen have no business doing it. I wish more of them were like you.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Carolyn

Janet,

Thanks so much for your reply! I really like this new bus driver and mentioned what when on yesterday to her this morning. She told me she would talk to the kid. So I'll wait and see what happens. We have basically the same bus rules as you but some of the drivers don't seem to enforce them much at all.

I'm really a very nice calm person but when someone yell at my kids or oozes stupidity all bets are off. I will not let my kids be bullied or harassed in any shape or form and I will do whatever it takes to make it stop.

I can see that it's certainly not an easy job at all but some of the drivers I've seen have no business doing it. I wish more of them were like you.

Thank you so much. We have some at our school too, who just don't care. I want to enjoy my kids, that's why I have rules and they are enforced!!! If all my kids were allowed to do whatever..How could I enjoy my job and my kids. AND if you notice....I write...MY KIDS...because they are. Very, very few cause any problems, because they know I follow through with the discipline. Not that I'm the greatest bus driver of all times.....LOL but I wish more drivers would feel that way too.

Best wishes...

[Gina]

Carolyn, My children are past that young age, but Janet has given you good advice, like she said talk to the bus driver and then if that is not resolved do speak to the school... I see that you live in NJ, so do I , may I ask what part of NJ?? Gina

[Carolyn]

Originally Posted by Gina

Carolyn, My children are past that young age, but Janet has given you good advice, like she said talk to the bus driver and then if that is not resolved do speak to the school... I see that you live in NJ, so do I , may I ask what part of NJ?? Gina

Hi Gina I'm in Ocean County. I talked to the bus driver when she dropped the kids off yesterday and she told me she talked to the boy. She thanked me for letting her know because she likes to nip things like this is the bud. I told her I appreciated it. So we'll see what happens.

I asked my son how his ride home was and it's funny but the boy wasn't even on their bus on the way home. hmmmm......The older girls according to him were talking nice to him but I don't care I told him to just ignore them.

Another school day over, another gray hair!

[rivermom]

Bullies...I swear. Hopefully things will work out and it sounds like the bus driver is willing to help too.

[Janet]

One more thing...keep your bus driver informed, from writing a short detailed note to a phone call in the evening. Don't make a habit of talking with them at the bus stops. Of a morning they have a schedule to keep and of an evening, they want to get the students (especially if parents are home and waiting to take them to an appointment) and themselves home. I do hope everything gets better for you and your child. I can't stand the thought of a child's bus ride (every single day) being miserable.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Carolyn

Janet,

Thanks so much for your reply! I really like this new bus driver and mentioned what when on yesterday to her this morning. She told me she would talk to the kid. So I'll wait and see what happens. We have basically the same bus rules as you but some of the drivers don't seem to enforce them much at all.

I'm really a very nice calm person but when someone yell at my kids or oozes stupidity all bets are off. I will not let my kids be bullied or harassed in any shape or form and I will do whatever it takes to make it stop.

I can see that it's certainly not an easy job at all but some of the drivers I've seen have no business doing it. I wish more of them were like you.

Hi Carolyn... We are not far I live in Monmouth Cty. I also want to suggest that you keep a journal or a diary. This way you have exact dates of when this happens and hopefully you won't need to after the driver is informed. I a realtor and I do keep journals when problems arise, this way no one can say I didn't say that, or this didn't happen lol I always have things documented when things get crazy.. Good Luck, I know how you feel , its the mother lion instincts that come out of us when our children are hurt.... Gina

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Gina

Hi Carolyn... We are not far I live in Monmouth Cty. I also want to suggest that you keep a journal or a diary. This way you have exact dates of when this happens and hopefully you won't need to after the driver is informed. I a realtor and I do keep journals when problems arise, this way no one can say I didn't say that, or this didn't happen lol I always have things documented when things get crazy.. Good Luck, I know how you feel , its the mother lion instincts that come out of us when our children are hurt.... Gina

That is an excellent suggestion. I, too, as the bus driver keep a log of what happened, what child and the date. That way I can refer to it with parents and/or school officials.

[Gina]

Janet .. you just have to do this because as you know at our age, lol the mind starts to go and you don't remember everything lol...

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Gina

Janet .. you just have to do this because as you know at our age, lol the mind starts to go and you don't remember everything lol...

Okay now, just hold on a minute.....

Really though you're right and nothing makes me madder than making out a grocery list and leaving it on the bar at home. I never remember a darn thing that's on it. LOLOL

[Gina]

Originally Posted by Janet

Okay now, just hold on a minute.....

Really though you're right and nothing makes me madder than making out a grocery list and leaving it on the bar at home. I never remember a darn thing that's on it. LOLOL

I hear you girlfriend!! lol

[magnolia]

Carolyn,

I totally understand your frustrations with the incident on the bus! Several years ago, when TJ was in the 3rd grade, he rode the bus each day to and from school. Not too long into the school year, this one particular kid would "wait" for him on the bus and once it got going, he'd hold TJ down in the seat and punch him in the nose. After the first incident, I went to the bus driver (we are NOT fortunate to have such great drivers here as Janet). She said she'd check into it. The next day, same thing! This time, I went to the principle of the school and he said he'd check into it. So here we are on day 3 of the week and yep, you guessed it, same freaking thing happened! This time, I took further action - I called the superintendant of buses and I contacted the administrative offices of our school district to report both the bus driver, the principle, and the child who was doing this to TJ. I then pulled him off the bus and began taking him to school each morning and picking him up in the afternoons - and have been doing that ever since and he's in the 10th grade now! With his ADD and Dyslexia (and his immaturity), he used to constantly get bullied and picked on. I couldn't, with a clear conscience, subject him to that on a school bus - he was upset in the morning wondering if the kid was going to "get him" then and then worrying about it all day cause he knew he had to ride the bus home in the afternoon. Once I began to take him and pick him up, his grades picked back up - he was not worried about that anymore! I realize the solution to remove him from the bus does not work in all situations but for me, I felt it was the only solution I had.

Janet - if you ever want to move down here and teach these bus drivers a thing or two, you can stay with me If TJ had had a bus driver as caring as you are for the safety and well being of all the students on the bus, I would have left him on there! God bless you for what you do!

[Janet]

You know, in all seriousness, I would love to hold some kind of training session for bus drivers. There are some really good ones out there, but then you have the ones that just don't really care. That saddens me. Sometimes the bus driver is the only one saying "Good Morning," or Have a great weekend or evening," before they go home to a crappy situation.

I'm going to start another thread about something that happened and now there is the possibility I could lose my job.