Time For Separate Rooms

[Janet]

If I can get the nerve up...it's time to talk again about separate rooms. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of the snoring and then I woke up between 3:30 anad 4 this morning because of the snoring. I wake up so angry everyday and I'm tired of it. It's either separate rooms or separate houses. I just don't feel I can take it much longer. I'm tired of being angry and I'm tired of being tired. Wintertime is bad enough for me, but with a lack of sleep it will make it even worse. I'm calling the phone company on Monday and see what it takes to move the internet cable to our room and then I'm going to try my best to get him moved to where the computer is now.

I know this sounds awful, but I need some sleep and really not that much..just 7-8 hours...preferable 8, but I just can't survive and function on 3-5 hours each night. I am so tired of being a b*t**.

[Lindsey]

Does your husband know how bad his snoring is? Has he tried nose strips or anything to control it? I had a boyfriend once who would snore so loud he would wake HIMSELF up! I couldn't get any sleep even just being in the same house as him overnight. Are there no other options? A friend of mine was looking into surgery to have her snoring corrected, but I guess surgery is pretty expensive in the US.

[Janet]

Lindsey, he has tried the strips and the sprays and a few other odds and ends, but doesn't like them so he makes me miserable instead. Some of the things (strips and a spray) actually worked pretty good...not all the time, but good. He just won't use them. I've even reminded him, put them on his nightstand and he just won't.

I just feel now it's time to do something about it. I know of quite a few other couples that have separate rooms for the same reason. They 'come together' when they want to, but have a good nights sleep separately. I feel sometimes like I could lose my mind.

He looks at it as rejection I think...it's not that (totally)..I just want my much needed uninterruupted sleep.

[gja1000]

Janet,
You really do need to sleep in separate rooms, and yes, I can understand why he might see it as rejection. But that is just him being a "man" LOL! For some reason, men just don't get it. Hmmmm.... that didn't come out right. LOL! But you know what I mean!

I have friends who got married a few years ago, third marriage for her, second for him. They slept together one week - and then moved into separate rooms. They said in order to live together, then needed to sleep separately. It just makes sense.

My hubby has various health problems including very severe restless leg syndrome. Sometimes he has to sleep with the head of the bed elevated a lot, in order to breathe. We spent several thousands of dollars on a tempurpedic bed with split twin king mattresses with adjustable bed frames that work separately. Thus, he can raise up the head of his bed, and I can lie flat. Also, with the tempurpedic mattress and the split mattresses, I cannot feel his restless legs (he takes meds which greatly help, but do not completely stop it). Anyway, it's more difficult for me to snuggle up to him or visa versa (with all his health problems, snuggling is the max ) - so sometimes he pouts, but he and I both know that we both sleep better. WE LOVE OUR BED.

Unfortunately, your hubby won't perceive the separate rooms as HIM sleeping better, but if he can just get past the rejection nonsense, it will be so much better for you.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by gja1000

Janet,
You really do need to sleep in separate rooms, and yes, I can understand why he might see it as rejection. But that is just him being a "man" LOL! For some reason, men just don't get it. Hmmmm.... that didn't come out right. LOL! But you know what I mean!

I have friends who got married a few years ago, third marriage for her, second for him. They slept together one week - and then moved into separate rooms. They said in order to live together, then needed to sleep separately. It just makes sense.

My hubby has various health problems including very severe restless leg syndrome. Sometimes he has to sleep with the head of the bed elevated a lot, in order to breathe. We spent several thousands of dollars on a tempurpedic bed with split twin king mattresses with adjustable bed frames that work separately. Thus, he can raise up the head of his bed, and I can lie flat. Also, with the tempurpedic mattress and the split mattresses, I cannot feel his restless legs (he takes meds which greatly help, but do not completely stop it). Anyway, it's more difficult for me to snuggle up to him or visa versa (with all his health problems, snuggling is the max ) - so sometimes he pouts, but he and I both know that we both sleep better. WE LOVE OUR BED.

Unfortunately, your hubby won't perceive the separate rooms as HIM sleeping better, but if he can just get past the rejection nonsense, it will be so much better for you.

Thanks Gayle..I appreciate your opinion so much. I tried to tell him it must be something that runs in the family because both sets of grandparents slept in separate rooms because of the snoring. They stayed married a long, long time...until their passing. One of these days, he'll come home and find I've moved him to another room and he'll just have to live with it. I just can't continue like this with his snoring. It has nothing to do with anything else. When he has a night that he doesn't snore....we both sleep just fine and restful.

[jrsygal37]

Janet has your husband tried a bipap machine. I know what you mean because I went through this with my husband. I wanted to kill him. It turned out he has a sleep apnea and he would actually stop breathing then come up snoring. It's very dangerous. Have him checked by a sleep center or sleep doctor. Elaine

[Janet]

It is quite obvious that he has sleep apnea Elaine, but he won't do anything about it. I figure if he doen't want to do anything, then he can go to another room.

He has woke up before almost running down the hall in the middle of the night sounding like a goose trying to breath. I can't make him go to the Dr. I tell him he should go, but he doesn't. I just don't feel I should have to suffer and lose sleep because he won't do anything at all about the snoring. I'm sorry you went through the snoring thing too. I would love to shove the TV remote down his throat when he does it....lol.

[gja1000]

You are right Janet, you can't MAKE him get treatment. Some men are like that - they just will not go to the doctor. My hubby has sleep apnea too and he says he just can't wear the c-pap machine. He says it makes him feel like he is suffocating. He gets panicky. So he wears oxygen at night. It's not as good as c-pap, but it helps.

Anyway, I understand that you can't make your husband get help for the snoring - so the only solution for you (because he's not going to help himself) is for you to have separate rooms.

Good luck!

[Janet]

Thanks...I'm going to need the luck. He is one of those guys that puts off going to the Dr. unti the very last minute. He was in so much pain for years with his back and finally got tired of it. Good thing, the Drs said if he waited much longer they wouldn't have been able to do anything for him.

I posted on another thread..forgot about this one..that last night after I left the chat room, he got his camping mat and slept on the living room floor. I slept so good last night and didn't wake up until 10 minutes before 8. That is some kind of record for me...I never sleep that late. I must have needed it because I feel so rested this morning.

This really should prove to him how much he is distrubing my sleep. I mean, after all these years the man knows my sleep pattern...lol.

It still may take a little while...I don't want him to be too upset, but it will happen.

[Dobie]

Do you have a tape recorder? If so, tape him when he's snoring and play it for him - maybe then he'll realize how difficult it is for you to sleep.

Best of luck with this!

[Janet]

Thanks Dobie...yes...we've recorded him many times before (son and I) and even video taped him. He knows...he's just a man..lol

[Shada]

I feel so bad for you... I hate snoring. Cannot imagine trying to sleep night after night with somebody next to me snoring away...

If he won't move into other room.... then why not you?
I would have to.. one should move! If he won't, then sorry.. it has to be you.

I am sure he will appreciate the new you after a few nights of good sleep!!

Good luck!!! I hope he does make the move.. and soon.

[donna1990]

He sounds just like my husband. "Hard headed as hell"! Mine snores also but not as severe as yours. Maybe if you move to another room, he will go see a Doctor, he could die. I have to wake mine up at night when he is on his back and stops breathing.
The only thing he takes care of is his PSA, because he did have cancer, free now for 5 years, but that is all he worries about.

[donna1990]

Wonder is there is a 4MENTALK website? Would be interesting to see how different they are.

[Janet]

That would definietly be an interesting read...lol.

Oh...the laundry room and a bathroom is right off our bedroom so I won't move. That bathroom in the hall is the one the boys use and the one in our room is mine...with the washer and dryer. I will not move....believe me...LOLOL