Funny Updated Christmas Carols

[DianaB]

These were in the Reader's Digest and I thought that they were funny!!! Enjoy!!!

Grand Theft Reindeer
(to "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen")

God bless you, Uncle Benjamin,
That's what Mom said to say.
She said to write a thank-you note
For giving me that clay.
It's really great, but next time if
You're wond'ring what I play,

O games where I blow bad guys away,
hope that's okay.
O big-boy games where I blow guys away.

Hey, thank you, Grandma Washington,
I sure do like those socks!
They're better than your cookies,
Which Dad says taste like rocks.
I know I am your precious pet,
So why not sell your stocks

And buy me games for my Xbox (also the box)?
Why not buy me games and an Xbox?

Dear Santa Claus, I love you so,
You made my Christmas Day.
I put my bike on eBay
And auctioned it away.
I got that Grand Theft Auto game,
The one set in L.A.,

But my parents refuse to let me play, took it away.
So I made you this cute reindeer out of clay.

[DianaB]

Bark! The Hairy Angels Sing
(to "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing")

"Bark!" the Labradoodles sing.
"Look at us, the latest thing.
Curly hair and tempers mild,
Big and small dog reconciled."
"Don't forget us!" call the puggles.
Shorkies yap, "We're best for snuggles."
"Wait a sec!" the mutts proclaim.
"Neath our fur, we're all the same.
Hark! Tho' wondrous breeds abound,
Don't forsake the local pound."

[DianaB]

The Postholiday Truth
(to "I'll be Home for Christmas")

I'll be slim for Christmas,
You can count on me.
I pass up chips and chunky dips
And ham and Spam and Brie.

Christmas night will find me
Where the fridge light gleams.
I'll be slim for Christmas,
But then come Krispy Kremes,
Yes, then come Krispy Kremes.

[DianaB]

Let Us Go
(to "Let it Snow")

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But of course they crammed this flight full.
Just don't say these words, I pray:
"We're delayed, we're delayed, we're delayed."

The pilot is getting folksy,
Using words like "okesydokesy."
So much for my free upgrade:
We're delayed, we're delayed, we're delayed.

No one's certain when we'll push back,
Seems we're 18th or 19th to go.
I had hoped that they'd serve a snack-
Guess I'll just gnaw on my toe.

The pilot is getting loopy,
And his eyes are getting droopy.
For a camel ride I would trade
"We're delayed, we're delayed, we're delayed."

[DianaB]

Taken for a Ride
(To the Tune of "Sleigh Ride")

Just hear that cashier jingling,
Ring ting ting-a-ling, ooh!
That will be 16 dollars
For three bananas for you.

Come watch our dollar falling
While friends are bawling "Boohoo!"
Because it's 16 dollars
For five green olives for you.

Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, they go,
Those prices we know.
They're leapin' like those
heatin' bills we owe.
Going up, going up, going up, it's tons
For hot dogs and buns.
We're tryin', our credit's dyin',
Did somebody say "bank run"?

Our cheeks are red from sneezing
Since it is freezing in here.
We're bundled up in blankies
And craving hankies and beer.

Let's move into the Taurus
And sing a chorus or two
Because it's 16 dollars
For seven fish sticks for you.

[DianaB]

Deck the Malls
(to "Deck the Halls")

Deck the malls with stuff from China,
Fa la la la la, la la la la!
Hats and Bratz and Dad's reclina,
Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Don we non-U.S. apparel,
Fa la la, deficit, blah blah blah!
Shrug "Oh, well" and watch Will Ferrell,
Fa la la la la and la-di-da!

[DianaB]

Ring my Cell Rock
(to "Jingle Bell Rock")

Ring my cell, ring my cell, ring my cell rock.
You're in the car and bored, so you talk.
Call me 'bout nothing 'cause minutes are free.
"Now I'm turnin' left," you tell me.

Ring my cell, ring my cell, ring my cell rock.
Ring all the time, I'm losing my mind.
Blather and chatter because you're my spouse,
Though you just left the house!

What a nightmare, it sits right there
To pass the time away.
Turn your phone on and you drone on:
"I had a cheese Danish today, yay!"

Nonstop yap, there's my cell ringin' again,
Clackin' around the clock.
I hear the ringle and wish I were single.
That's the ring my cell,
Jingle ringle hell,
That's the ring my cell rock.

[Janet]

Did Glenn go out for the evening???? ROFLMBO!!!!!!!

[DianaB]

Yes, he's still harvesting and he can work late. He's been getting home really, really late and no one else has been home!!!! I did post a lot didn't I? LOL