Dinner at my house

[judy]

Jessie called me yesterday and invited herself and the family over for dinner/lunch.
I was delighted. She has to call me though because there is snow in the forecast.
Steve doesn't like to drive with the kids in the snow. I don't blame him either.

It seems that my talking with her about making some changes in my life caused her to think about doing that too. They are going to stop putting off doing things and seeing people. She also wants to start making her own life like I do. She loves exercise. I'm really happy for her. She is so cute sometimes. I had all of that energy at her age, and then some. It was fun, always doing this and that and getting involved in a million things.

At this age, I have mellowed so much. I like it a lot, but do have to push myself to do more. I can get into a rut and then depressed if I don't.

I have been really busy, with moving, the house, etc., etc., but now my energy needs to go elsewhere.

[2tiredmom]

I wish you the best on your dinner. So what time is it so I can come too. LOL
No really. I'm so glad things are going so well for you now. What's on the menu?
Have a great time.

[Janet]

Judy....I know you know this already...but I am just so happy for you. Just a short while ago, you were without your daughter and grandkids and now life is starting a whole new chapter for you. They are back in your life, you have a new home in a beautiful setting and a new baby. I'm happy that you are happy my friend.

So what is on the menu Judy?

[judy]

Thank you Janet! It is a miracle. They didn't make it, nor did they today. The point that they wanted to is fine. The snow up here is really stopping people from doing things.

Now, Mackenzie is mad at me. Jessie has been upset over Mackenzie being fresh and disrespectful for a while. She's 11 1/2, and Jessie is a push over. She called me again today because Mackenzie said "shut up." It wasn't to her face, but Jessie heard her say it and she really does not know how to deal with it. I said to put her on the phone. She put me on speaker phone. I have a no nonsense, I mean business voice, and told her that next time she does that, I'm coming over and breaking one of her toys in her room, and that she better hope it's not her TV (?????) I also said that she has a lot of nerve because she has the best parents in the world, etc. This turned into crisis city with Mackenzie hysterical to the point of a bloody nose. I am NEVER getting that involved with disciplining the kids again.

Steve got upset because he doesn't want any of the grandparents disciplining the kids to the extent of yelling at them when they're around. I can understand that and told Jessie to please tell im I'm sorry and that I agree with that rule. He's over it, but I was not happy because he could banish me again.

Too much drama for me. I think the whole thing got way out of hand. I would never have dared to say shut up in the same mile as one of my parents.

So, now Mackenzie is mad at me. I hope she gets over it soon. Truthfully, I would not have allowed my daughter to fall into such dramatics and would not have put up with her being angry at her Grandmother for trying to straighten her out a bit.

Like I said, no more of this for me. Jessie will have to learn to discipline her own children (or not). I love them all, and it's just not my place.

[Janet]

Sorry you were put in that position....not a good one. Jessie is going to have to learn to step up to the plate if she doesn't want an out of control teenager on her hands.

She needs to let her daughter know that the behavior and words are unacceptable and each and every time something like that happens, she needs to remove one of her most precious items from her room. And keep it up even if it means an empty room. Mackenzie should then have to earn those items back by reversing that kind of behavior. Everytime she shows good judgement in her behavior and responses...she should get ONE item back.

Ricky hated that, but it worked. May not work for all, but it did for us. Ricky is now 18 and a very respectful young man.

[Tiramisu]

Judy, I'm sorry you're going through this. I had forgotten how 12 year olds can act, but am starting to see it with my gdaughter, Christian. She respects me, but thinks she's smarter than me!!!!!

We're just doing the best we can do!

[judy]

I'm just going to be Grandma Judy, staying in the background, loving them all unconditionally.

I am angry about being put in this position Janet. Now I'm the bad guy, and Mackenzie wouldn't even take the phone when I was going to apologize for making her so upset.

I just hope this blows over very very quickly.

[Janet]

I'm sure it won't last too long... do something funny, they can't stand it when they are mad and then made to laugh....really breaks the tension....lol.

[gja1000]

Judy, I completely understand. I have a 12 year old granddaughter and sometimes I just want to throttle her She NEVER acts out when she's with just me, but when she's at home, she can be a little twit to her parents. Makes my jaw drop to see/hear the things she does/says.

Sometimes I think they are too hard on her though - I remember picking my battles with my daughter, I let some things slide because I just didn't want to fight that battle. My daughter and sil make my gdaughter tow the line and sometimes I feel sorry for her, but I can't say anything.

Anyway, she loves you, it will be OK and she will make up with you. It may take a little time, but she'll be OK (and so will you)!

[Gina]

Aww Judy girls at her age are tough. I know I went through it. Your right just be grandma leave the discipline up to the parents. I know that you meant well but grandmas role is to spoil and love only. When she is older you probably would be able to speak to her but not at her age. Don't worry she still loves you she will get over it....

[judy]

Originally Posted by gja1000

Judy, I completely understand. I have a 12 year old granddaughter and sometimes I just want to throttle her She NEVER acts out when she's with just me, but when she's at home, she can be a little twit to her parents. Makes my jaw drop to see/hear the things she does/says.

Sometimes I think they are too hard on her though - I remember picking my battles with my daughter, I let some things slide because I just didn't want to fight that battle. My daughter and sil make my gdaughter tow the line and sometimes I feel sorry for her, but I can't say anything.

Anyway, she loves you, it will be OK and she will make up with you. It may take a little time, but she'll be OK (and so will you)!

I know what you mean! They let her and the other two get away with things I would never allow, and then yell at them for such nonsense!

It's so good to be the Grandma and not the Mom anymore!

Janet - that''s a good idea. I will think of a funny thing to do. Thanks friend!

[Marilyn]

Awwww, Judy, so sorry you were put in this situation. I don't begin to know what a grandmother's role should be. I never really knew mine. One died when I was around 2, and the other had a stroke when I was probably 5 or 6 and was unable to speak after that. I'd have probably reacted similiarly to what you did given the same situation. It's hard when you can so clearly see what is happening. We're by nature fixers, and it takes real fortitude to not get involved. I don't know the best answer, however, given your history with Jessie and your SIL, it's probably best to leave it to them and just try to counsel Jessie the best you can to help her find ways to improve the situation, without her getting her feelings hurt. Not an easy task, but well worth trying.
Hugs....(((((((Judy)))))))

[judy]

My grandmothers were wonderful. I'm pretty sure that my Dad's mother never yelled at me (or anyone else, for that matter). I don't remember if my Mom's mother did or not. We had a large, extended family. Pretty much, whichever adult caught you doing something you shouldn't, yelled at you.

We all knew we were loved. Somehow, being disciplined meant you were loved and cared about. Different times, different values.

[DianaB]

You're certainly dealing with a tough situation, Judy. It's so hard to not say something when the grandchildren are acting badly. When my grandchildren were much younger I often spanked my daughter, Amy's girls, in front of her because I couldn't tolerate them acting disrespectful to their monther. As they've gotten older they know that Grandma doesn't put up with stuff like that and they respect me when they're around.

I think that in your position you could probably calmly say how disappointed that you were in McKenzie's behavior and that you thought that she loved her Mother enough to not be disrespectful. You can pile on guilt and let them know how disappointed you are in them without raising your voice or going on and on about it.

It's tough being a Grandmother!!! Good luck!!