05-31-2007, 12:17 PM | #1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 492
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Signs you drink too much coffee.....
You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When . . .
# Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. # You ski uphill. # You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. # You speed walk in your sleep. # You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack." # You answer the door before people knock. # You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. # You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. # You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. # You sleep with your eyes open. # You have to watch videos in fast-forward. # The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. # You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. # You lick your coffeepot clean. # You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House." # You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. # You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. # Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. # You chew on other people's fingernails. # The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. # Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee." # Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. # You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. # You can jump-start your car without cables. # Cocaine is a downer. # All your kids are named "Joe." # You don't need a hammer to pound in nails. # Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." # You don't sweat, you percolate. # You buy milk by the barrel. # You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. # You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. # You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. # You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. # Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. # You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. # People get dizzy just watching you. # When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup." # You've worn the finish off your coffee table. # The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. # Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. # Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. # You're so wired, you pick up AM radio. # People can test their batteries in your ears. # Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. # Instant coffee takes too long. # You channel surf faster without a remote. # When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." # You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can # You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life. # Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil # You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. # You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. # You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. # You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar." # You get drunk just so you can sober up. # You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. # Your Thermos is on wheels. # Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. # You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. # You can outlast the Energizer bunny. # You short out motion detectors. # You have a conniption over spilled milk. # You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. # Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. # You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. # You don't tan, you roast. # You don't get mad, you get steamed. # Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after. # Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood. # You can't even remember your second cup. # You help your dog chase its tail. # You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. # Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. # You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. # You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." # Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."- Dr. Seuss |
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