anyone ever

has anyone here have a baby die? how long does it take for it not to hurt so much? it was a year on sept 11th and i still cant get out of this funk. the baby that died wasnt mine i babysat for him and he died from pulminary adema caused from strept. i know he wasnt mine but i love him like he was, plus it happened at my house. now my daughter is having a baby in feb and i am terrified. i really want to feel excited for my first grand child but i dont know how to make myself feel happy when i am still sad and scared.