I'm a little nervous....

[judy]

My daughter and SIL had a lot of errands to run yesterday. I had spoken with Jessie the day before and told her I had a hair appointment at 12:30, so I wasn't sure I could help out. The children had 1/2 day of school.

Steve called me in the morning sounding anxious about having all of these things to do - could I watch the kids? I told him I would if I got out of the hair salon early enough. Then Jessie called me and told me to forget it because they were taking the kids with them.

Of course, they didn't finish their errands. Jessie came home with the kids and Steve went to get her car snow tires and studs.

She told Steve that he was wrong to have asked me and to be upset because I couldn't do it. She told him that since we have a history of not agreeing that I should drop whatever I'm doing to babysit, she would prefer to only ask that if it's an emergency. His answer was that it was for the kids though, to which Jessie replied that the kids are theirs and they have to take care of them. She also told him that of all appointments to ask me to change, my hair and nails were not a good idea. (I laughed at that).

The reality is that I know he was upset and that makes me nervous. I love him so much, but his anger management skills are not great. I also do know how anxious he gets, and that for him, it is an emergency. I think that he has spent the last four years taking care of Jessie, the kids, the house, becoming sober, paying the bills, etc. I feel that it is time that he had some help. He feels that he has to take care of everything and everyone. That's just his way. He also will give without question if I ask him for something. People like that get very disappointed if you don't give back the same way.

So now, I feel bad that I didn't say okay, and I'm nervous about him being angry with me. I don't want anything to happen to our relationship. I also weighed it in my mind when he called and instinctively felt that "I'll try" was the better response than giving up my appointment. I can't set a precedent I will resent.

That's my story - I hope he can fit this into our really good relationship. I really really don't want to lose him in any way.