Some good ones!

[judy]

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming..

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the

check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into

the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife

were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man,

we're both 90 years old," the husband said "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.

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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father
escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom;

the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the

priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave

him back his credit card.

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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and

get used to the idea.

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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and

congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader,

and a great family man."

Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a
wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"