Not good!

[judy]

I have been in the house since last Tuesday, so I may be having a case of cabin fever, but I am just unhappy about several things right now. It is definitely time for some changes.

I have been calling my dentist for 2 months now, and still do not have an appointment to go down to the city to see him. I need new implants on the bottom left, and they need about 4 months to heal before they can measure and make up the permanent teeth. I have been wearing the same provisional bridge as my front uppers for about 2 years now. It's a good thing I went online and bought dental cement, because they come loose and I have to reglue them every couple of weeks since the summer. I spoke to my dentist about 2 weeks ago, and he is going to make an appointment. I am still waiting! I left him a nasty message today on his cell phone, which ALWAYS goes to voicemail. I told him that this is ridiculous, that I have been calling for 2 months and that I must have this surgery done. I will call NYU again until I leave him the same message or get him on the phone. They also go to voicemail unless I get them at 10 AM.

I keep trying to get in touch with my mechanic since Friday. I left a message and I spoke to the boss, who is going to call me back. (when????) I need a car! I also want to speak to him about finding me another car. Let's go already! Call me back!!!!

I have been in the house since last Tuesday, and Jessie has not made it over here yet! I am out of bread, toilet paper (still have paper towels!), and need to get my mail. I have not said anything to be honest, so it's not like she knows I need her. I am concerned about her blood pressure and she is going for a sonogram for the uterine fibroids they found. She said she is coming over afterwards to take me to go get a car rental. I guess I should not be annoyed with her, but I am! She wanted me to move up here, and although she is trying to take it easy because she is worried abiut her blood pressure, whenever her husband wants her to go on any of his stupid errands, she manages to go! She could have just offered to come visit at least.

I do not feel well, although I can't imagine how I caught a stomach thing, since I haven't even been out! I also have been getting weird "buzzing" in my neck, head and arms. I have pinched nerves in my neck, and it has gotten pretty bad over the past couple of weeks. I go to a chiropractor once a month, but I really have to take control of this and decide whether or not to seek another type of treatment.

I have mentioned before that depression runs in my family, and I have gone on and off of antidepressants throughout my adult life. When Jessie got sick, about 5 years ago, I went back on antidepressants, and have been taking two different ones for the past 3 years or so. After all these years, I have learned that antidepressants can be tricky. They certainly help me, and I am not depressed, but they also cut me off from some of my feelings. I have been realizing lately that I am not happy with certain things, and need to just be unhappy or whatever about these things so that I can deal with them. For example, I have not yet made any good friends up here, and I would like to. Even though Jessie and I are very close, she cannot fill that role. She is a young woman with 3 children, a husband, and not at all in the same place I am in, so to expect her to fill that gap is not realistic. I do share so much with her, but I need my own friends. I also need to figure out whether or not I really want a man iin my life, so I know where I am headed. I am a firm believer in the philosophy that you get back what you put out there, and if I do want somebody to share my life with, I need to be sure so that I am putting out the right energy. I also have done no volunteer work, nor have bothered to give to others, and I am not happy with that. After being a teacher for so long, I am used to giving to others, and I know that is so important for everyone to do.
I have been cutting down on one of the antidepressants, and am reacting to that. I have cried more times this past week than in the past year! This is fine, since I think "you have to feel it to heal it," and some of it is probably a reaction to cutting back on the medication. I am going to make an appointment with a counselor nearby because I do want somebody to talk these things through with. Of course I need a car to get there!

I think that about covers it! The fact that I can write all of these things down and know that I have you to share them with is so good! I feel better already!