Layla

[Lindsey]

It's so hard. I've been with her 24 hours a day since she got home and I feel like I'm alone because Scott is doing other things he thinks need to get done like rearranging furniture so we can watch movies better, or vacuuming the ceiling fans or whatever and then tells me I can't just let the house fall down around me because Layla is sick. Then last night he said I need to pay more attention to him, and I said Layla is my biggest concern right now. He said I'm obsessed with trying to convince myself she'll get better.

This morning I tried to have a few seconds of normalcy by checking my email after I got ready for work, so I left Layla alone for a minute and as soon as he saw me he yelled "WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT ON YOUR COMPUTER THAN TAKING CARE OF LAYLA?!" and I yelled back saying he told me not to spend all my time with her, and then I ran to Layla and collapsed on the floor and bawled beside her. On the way to work I was asking if he remembered to pack blah blah blah for her and he assured me he went through the whole list I made last night. We got here and he didn't pack anything for her to take her pills with, except an apple slice that I can't hide pills in. I called him and asked how he gave her pills with an apple slice, there was sandwich meat on the list and he said he would pack everything. And he got angry and hung up on me. So I was left all alone trying to feed Layla her pain killers and crying at work trying to get anything down her throat.

I am just feeling SO ALONE. I am her only caretaker, and I was awake with her until 4 am while he slept, and I have to be with her all day and give her the meds and make sure she's happy and comfortable while still getting work done. I love her and I don't resent her at all but I am just spreading so thin, I am exhausted, I am not eating, and I am getting sick myself. When I try to lean on Scott and try to get hope that she will be okay and this is all for SOMETHING, he tells me I'm stressing him out and bringing him down.

I feel like my life is falling apart.