I'm In The Doghouse..or Worse

[Janet]

Yesterday was my 37th anniversary and I didn't remember. First thing in the morning Rick gave me a card, it was nice. He went to work and my day started. Ran into Mom's house did a few odds and ends and then came home. Didn't give it another thought....just another day.

While Rick was gone, I matched up the receipts from where he charged his gas and food while he went to Florida to get Mom's things. I told him I didn't know if his $140 truck repair was a legit expense, but I would have to ask. He got a little angry and said they would have had to pay if it was a rental truck. I told him that if he had been pulling the scout trailer he wouldn't have expected the scouts to pay for the repair...why would he expect the estate to pay for it. Anyway...that started it.

Then....after I went to my room, he came in and wanted to know what was wrong. I said nothing....that he was the one in a bad mood. He asked if I even looked at the card. Told him I had and had told him thank you. Then I felt really bad because he asked why I didn't love him anymore. I care about him, but 'in love' just isn't there. He told me to figure out what I want to do and then just do it.

He came back in the room and apologized and we talked a bit more. I told him I was tired of his selfish attitude, his lies, his drinking and not trying harder to support his family. That this just wasn't where I thought I'd be at this age...still struggling financially. He left it that we will talk about it some more this weekend. Great!! (sarcastically).

I guess I could find another job, but I worry about it because my health insurance is so great. I would really like to find another job or at least something clerical in-between routes, but that's going to be hard. If I do go somewhere else....I'll be on the bottom and in this economy, would be one of the first to go if things got bad. Then we wouldn't have or be able to afford private insurance.

I really didn't need this extra crap right now, but as usual...it's on his time. Not sure what I'm going to do. Guess we'll talk about it this weekend.......