I Am So Sad

[Janet]

This may be long, so it's okay if you don't want to respond or read it all.

I've mentioned before that I've had the same best friend for over 25 years. There were a few years in between that we didn't speak. We found our way back to each other about 7 or more years ago. I love this friend more than I could ever descibe, she means the world to me. She knows me better than anyone ever possibly could.

I can't even remember when, but it's probaby been since late August, early September since we've spoken. I've called and called, but she is never able to come to the phone. I've sent her a few emails and received only one reply. I had asked her if I had done or said something to upset her or make her mad at me. She replied that I had not done anything and she was not mad at me, but that she had just been nervous.

Without going into a lot of detail, she is 2 months older than I and has not been in the greatest of health. She lost her mother quite a few years back and her father (whom she lived with and took care of) last year. She does get nervous, worried about her health, does not go out anywhere much unless it is a good day health wise.

Sincer her father's passing, she has lived with her daughter and her family. Her two grandkids ride my bus. I was talking with her granddaughter this morning and asked how Grandma (my friend) was. She said they all went shopping the day after Thanksgiving. So, I know my friend has felt good enough at different times to shop, but why hasn't she called me?

I haven't stopped crying since I got off the bus route. Oh, maybe for a minute or two, but then the tears just fall. I miss her and I am so miserable without her in my life. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to push myself on her, but I don't want to give up either. I have been so sad for so many months, sure I have my happy moments, but mostly I want my best friend.

I just needed to get this out of me by writing, but I know it won't help. The only thing that will help, will be for her to call me and want me back in her life too.