Feeling down

[blowry]

Has anyone ever feel their heart break? I mean you actually have a hurt in your chest...not a pain...a hurt...This is my second marriage..We were married 7 yrs on November 27. I was 42 and my husband was 39. He doesn't have any children and never been married before. I had been married for 19 yrs and have to beautiful daughters that are my world. I am love and am in love with my husband...very much. I know he loves me and is in love with me but, my heart tells me that we probably shouldn't have gotten married...It's a long story so I won't go into it but, his Mom died right after we met and his father was totally out of his life until this past July (we didn't even know if he was alive) I thought this would make him open his eyes and he would change...he hasn't...he wants me to have everything but, HE comes first...he is an only child and has never had to share anything...It's been a difficult road for me as I am a very giving person. I have always done for him, gone out of my way for him and never complained...In 2002 he hit a car head on while on his motorcycle...he is very lucky to be alive...he almost lost his leg...he was out of work for 6 months and on IV meds which, I administered every 6 hours for 3 weeks. I had to bathe him...I did everything for him and ....never complained...I do things for him because I love him...he is my husband...anytime I ask him to help me he gives me a hard time...sometimes I think he forgets everything that I do for him without even thinking about it. I am feeling really sad right now...I haven't been able to find a job and with Christmas this weekend I can't buy gifts like I usually do. I do have the furbabies that keep me going. He just doesn't understand...even if I try to talk to him...he turns everything around to make it seem like it's me...He has been drinking way to much and when I talk to him about this he tells me to leave the house if I don't like it...one of the reasons I left my first husband was because he is a binge alcoholic that was very verbally abusive....I jumped from the frying pan into the fire...This husband is the same only he is emotionally abusive also...I don't want to leave him although, he has told me that he has thought of leaving me due to the fact that he could have alot more if he didn't have me....I cry alot but, not around him....He was on meds that treat bipolar...I truly believe he is....he won't believe anything that I say...he thinks I am trying to make him think he is losing his mind...he has horrible mood swings and several other symptoms,...I was really glad when he went on the meds and saw an improvement...he claims he didn't see any difference in himself...well...he went off the meds...I am praying to God that he helps me with this as I don't want to go through another divorce and I do love him with all of my heart...sometimes I just don't think he cares..

I'm sorry I am being such a downer being this close to Christmas but, I just needed to type this and get it out and I know my WT family is always there for me..

Thank you for listening

Brenda~