Feeling sad

[judy]

I think I've posted that my daughter has MS and that we aren't in contact. I don't see my 3 precious grandchildren either. She's in a marriage with a terrible, controlling person and the long and the short of it are that she chose the marriage over her relationship with me. I think she had no choice - he really, really doesn't want me around. He knows I see right through him. It's been on again, off again for several years between them and me, but finally reached the breaking point in January 2006.

I, actually, found out some very good news about her a few days ago. We use the same hairdresser who told me that Jessie looks great and has been feeling really good for about 9 months now. She's taking care of the kids, driving, etc. In fact, she has put on some weight and is going to Weight Watchers. She had been too sick, in and out of hopitals, etc. to even think about getting her hair done before. I am so grateful!!!

The odd thing is that I've been feeling sad since. I usually keep my feelings about the whole situation on the back burner. I don't suppress my feelings 100%, but I don't dwell on them either. I think hearing this wonderful news just brought out the sorrow I feel about not having her and my babies in my life. I think part of the sadness also is knowing that she doesn't need me at all. She can do what she's got to do on her own. I know that's a good thing, especially when she has so much to deal with, but I'm a mother and it's always hard when they really don't need you anymore.


There's nothing I can do about our being apart. I've tried everything, including going to Alanon for two years (SIL drinks), so I'll have to just feel sad until I don't feel that sorrow so strongly anymore, and then just get on with my life. I know that will happen. I've done it before.

Thanks for letting me get that all out there,

Judy