Signs you drink too much coffee.....

[Passionfruition]

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When . . .

# Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

# You ski uphill.

# You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

# You speed walk in your sleep.

# You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."

# You answer the door before people knock.

# You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

# You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

# You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

# You sleep with your eyes open.

# You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

# The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

# You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

# You lick your coffeepot clean.

# You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

# You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

# You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

# Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

# You chew on other people's fingernails.

# The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

# Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."

# Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

# You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

# You can jump-start your car without cables.

# Cocaine is a downer.

# All your kids are named "Joe."

# You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.

# Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

# You don't sweat, you percolate.

# You buy milk by the barrel.

# You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

# You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

# You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

# You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

# Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

# You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

# People get dizzy just watching you.

# When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."

# You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

# The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

# Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

# Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

# You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

# People can test their batteries in your ears.

# Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

# Instant coffee takes too long.

# You channel surf faster without a remote.

# When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

# You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can

# You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.

# Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil

# You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

# You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

# You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

# You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."

# You get drunk just so you can sober up.

# You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

# Your Thermos is on wheels.

# Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

# You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

# You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

# You short out motion detectors.

# You have a conniption over spilled milk.

# You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

# Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

# You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

# You don't tan, you roast.

# You don't get mad, you get steamed.

# Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after.

# Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.

# You can't even remember your second cup.

# You help your dog chase its tail.

# You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

# Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

# You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

# You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

# Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.