can't stop crying :(

[toodles]

i guess i am just being hormonal or something...but I can't stop crying. I was at lunch with my investor, my husband, my best friend (also my bookkeeper) and her bf (he does our remodeling). we were talking about building a new office, etc. and my investor was trying to get a feel for what we needed. He asked my bff "so, are you in this long term?"

a very innocent question...and an understandable one when planning to build an office building. she hesitated. which is understandable,...her job has been very stressful lately. she finally said "It depends"...i thought she said that because she didn't want to commit to the job. but she completely threw me for a loop with when Gary said "depends on what??". her answer killed me. she said "it depends on if I am still around"

OMG...I am totally caught off guard here. I said "what do you mean??? where do you think you are going??!!?!?!"

now...understand...she is about to be engaged to one of our mutual VERY good friends...they are totally head over heals in love and are talking about getting married in May. i love it. i am so happy for her.

well, Sean (her soon-to-be fiance) said "well, we were thinking....we might move to South Carolina"



NOOOOOOOOOO. what?????????? I am floored at this point. I said "and when do you think this might happen?" and they said "2 or 3 years"

you might think that is a long time...but it's not. and I know both of them and those 2 or 3 years will turn into 1 year...then 6 months. they both live sporadically and will just drop everything and move on a whim...so I don't expect them to actually take 2-3 years.

I am so sad about this. I immediately looked at my watch and said "I need to go get my daughter" and got up from the table and left. I could have stayed another 20 minutes...but it sounded like a good excuse to leave. as soon as I was out of their sight, i started bawling. she is more than just my best friend...she is a sister to me. she has healed me in so many way...has been there for me through SOOOOOOOOOO much. and suddenly she starts dating Sean and they are going to run off to another state. now, you can tell me that we can still be friends...and we would...but it would be different. very very different. and it would be hard. i don't have any of the friends i used to have....once they moved away, we slowly stopped communicating. not for lack of trying on my part either.

i'm just scared...sad...and very hurt that I found out this way. why did it have to come out like that???? why hasn't she talked to me about this?

i can't stop crying. i'm a mess. My marriage is falling apart and my best friend is talking about moving away...I GIVE UP. what is the point in getting close to people?

I just can't handle this.