Now I feel like the worst mother who was ever born!

[judy]

Now I feel like the absolute worst mother ever!

After 3 days of stress and arguing, I finally called Jessie yesterday and told her that I wasn't moving at all. I was staying right where I am! I can't have this arguing between us. She was somewhat taken aback, but she said that she's beginning to realize that this is the way I am, she can't change me, she loves me and she'll just have to live with it.

We aired out our feelings. Hers are that I don't love her enough to sacrifice for her, and that I'm pushing her away. She had hoped for a closer relationship. She feels like we're more like good friends than mother and daughter. Mine are that she has always felt this way, and that it always makes me feel like she doesn't think that I'm a good enough mother.

We both told each other that neither of us is right in how we feel, but you feel like you feel.

She left me a message later on:

"Don't be ridiculous, buy a house wherever you want. I had hoped for more, but it isn't going to happen. I want to always have a relationship with you. In order for us to get along right now, let's keep it light and not discuss this anymore. I dont 'want to be responsible for you to stay in NY. Those conversations were never meant for you to feel like you weren't a good mother. It would be great if you could just know me. We have been having a good time, but I wanted more. For you and I to have a good relationship, we have to keep it light, you have your life and I have mine. etc."

So, now I'm hoping that it will turn out all right. I hate to hurt her feelings. I also don't want my relationship with Steve to go sour.

I really feel so guilty! Like I'm an awful mother who doesn't care at all for her sick child and her poor grandchildren.