...............divorce?

I am so glad to find this place, I really need to vent (I hope that's ok for a first post?). I don't know what to do. My husband & I have been together a few years, married about 1 1/2. we are now seperated... I was just miserable.

In our relationship I took care of the house, kids, classes, and a small business on the side... he payed the bills. In the beginning we seemed so in tune with each other... but it got to the point that we never really even talked... I have to get up early to get the kids off to school, and go to class. He would get up sometime between noon and 3... when the kids & I got home, he would have just left for work, and home about the kids bedtime.

Of course, that's IF he worked that day... he likes to talk about how his days are so long because he gets home so late... but in reality he would work a few hours a day, a few days a week... and almost NEVER up before noon. When he gets hom, he would go to the den/basement and drink beer until 3-4 in the morning... and do it all over the next day.

Now, he never beat me, but I did feel neglected... and he would yell over stupid things (prolly cause of a hangover) which just left me feeling like crap (can I say that?) and un appreciated... like I would spend 4 hours scrubbing the house that has 4 children in it, and he would get up/get home any yell about the dishwasher not being loaded...

Eventually I just said forget it. I made him leave.

We have talked more in the last 2m than in the last 8. Still though... I start thinking about how different our backgrounds are, and how we act, and how we want to achieve our goals... and I just don't see the compatability that I thought I saw at first... like I ignored the obvious and just figured that opposits attract...

Anyway, it's like he won't let me break up with him, lol. Every time I have told him, what he's doing is not really bad, just not what I want in a partnership...

{he dosen't want to get up early and I have to. I want someone who is home and awake when the rest of the family is. He did pay the bills, but hell, we NEVER had sex anymore even though I REALLY wanted to... because we didn't have the opportunity... we were only in the bed together for maybe 2hrs a night... if he didn't fall asleep downstairs.}

He just gets it in his head that I am telling him he has to work harder... He never gets it that I'm telling him I'm done... even when I say it directly Then he will do things differently, a little... and I start feeling like maybe it could work....?

He finally understood hos much I hate the drinking. So he agreed to quit. He went almost a week without a drink, and was like "see? no DT's... I'm not an alcoholic". then started drinking again.

He is really wanting to work things out... I'm just at the point where I don't even care anymore. When he comes over & starts to discipline the kids, I'm thinking 'this is why he dosen't live here' and I even told him that if he was a boyfriend who was trying to move in with me, I would break up with him... and I don't understand why the fact that there is a paper that says we're married means he can treat us like he does...

Gosh this ended up soooo long winded.... I guess I just want to talk it out with people who are totally non-biased... I don't know if I should give in and try harder, or move on. Do I need a lawyer or a counceler?

J