Disappointed in my mom

[Lindsey]

I took the last week off to visit my parents back home.

On the long weekend, my brother and his girlfriend, my uncle, and my grandma were all visiting my parents. Everything was going great! But I was sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room by the front door and I noticed something red behind the cushion. On closer inspection it was a package of cigarettes, the kind my mom used to smoke. I was upset obviously, but everyone was around and I didn't want to make a scene. After everyone was gone, I asked my mom "Why is there a package of cigarettes in the chair?" She was like "What? Where?" and I told her and she went out and came back and was like "It's empty, this is the kind Amanda smokes" (Amanda is her friend) and she was like "Don't worry it's not mine" and I felt better.

Saturday at the cabin, my dad's friend Adam came over (Amanda's husband) and I went outside. My mom had been coming out but I didn't see her, so I went back inside and saw her just walking out the back door. So I went back down to the fire pit and waited. About 5 minutes later she still didn't come around. So I went to the back and finally saw her out behind Adam's truck and she looked at me surprised and was like "What?" and I just said "I was wondering where you were.. what are you doing back here?" and she said "Nothing" and started walking quickly to the fire pit... I followed her and she reeked like smoke. I got upset, but she denied smoking. I didn't say anything until after Adam left, and I just stayed inside alone.

Finally she came to talk to me and said "Let's get something straight here. I can have a smoke every now and then when Adam and Amanda are around. I'm allowed to do that. I won't start smoking again. And for the record, I wasn't smoking just now" and I told her that NO, after having a stroke, ANY cigarettes will increase your chance of having another stroke, and she won't be as lucky as she was this time. Then she said she didn't have a stroke!!!!

I went fishing with my dad on Sunday, and he told me she did have a stroke, and he doesn't know what she's talking about. And he said she smokes every morning and every night, and a couple in between, but nothing like she used to. I got so mad. She has lied to me and hid it from me this whole time, telling me to my face she quit cold turkey and promised she'd never smoke again. Every time we talk I bring up how she quit and she sticks to the story she just stopped and never looked back and it wasn't hard at all. She actually only stopped for 4 days after the hospital. That's it. She didn't try the patches my dad bought her, she didn't try anything, just started smoking again. She doesn't think she has to stop. What's worse is everyone knew not to to tell me! So all these people I have bragged to about how I'm so proud of my mom, they all knew she didn't really do it. She's just hiding it from me so I wouldn't be upset.

So when I got home from fishing, I basically told her she will not see me again until she stops. And I said I'm serious. She said "Okay" and got up and walked away. Like it didn't even matter.

I cried because it hurts that my mom doesn't care about killing herself and how much danger she's really in and how much it hurts the rest of us.

Finally she wanted to talk and she was all "I'm not smoking very much" and I told her she didn't even try the patches and she was like "I didn't want to put that stuff in my body after a stroke" and I was like "And cigarettes are better??" and then I told her basically if she keeps doing this she won't last the next few years and she won't see me get married or have kids and I was just losing it... that part made her lose it too and she said she promises she'll quit sometime. I told her she already promised but that was a lie. She said no, she means it.

I'm sticking to my guns. My dad thinks I should just leave it and let her keep smoking if she wants to, but I love my mom and I care too much to just let it go on and let it keep hurting me to watch her smoke her way to another stroke. So I'm not going to see her. If she hasn't quit by Christmas, I'm not going home. I made it clear. My brother and I may be the only things she loves more than her cigarettes, but he isn't going to do anything about it. I will.

My dad called me yesterday morning and said my mom put on a patch.