New Lives

[Miss_Sara]

Well I'm new to THIS forum, but I've been on yorkie talk for a while

I would like some advice, or just feedback or SOMETHING
and this is going to be long
so you don't have to bother!

Ever since I was young I had a lot of REALLY bad things happen to me
so as a result my preteen and teen years were pretty wild
I lost my virginity at 13 and was very active sexually.
I was a drug addict
and I had serious issues with alchohol
I was anorexic, still struggling with that,
at the start of my senior year the first day I past out at school
the nurse immediatly knew it was because I hadn't eaten in a week
and drank that morning.
My mother arrived like an hour after the nurse called because she was on the phone.
whatever.
(btw, PLEASE if you have kids, your life SHOULD be devoted to them, you brought them into this world, now TAKE CARE OF THEM)
She urged my mom to take me to the emergency room
I never went.
but for a week I went threw vomiting and fainting constantly
and to be honest I really think that a few more days and the dehydration would've been it for me. I was only awake for a tiny bit during the day, every time I stood up I'd fall right over.
In a state of deliriousness I was searching through boxes in my room, I really don't remember what for, and I happened upon this little orange new testament that some guy handed out in front of my middle school (was given a HUGE ticket for that).
I was like "ok" and threw it behind me.
I later decided that this slow death thing was a real pain and I was sick of it and that tomorrow when I wake up I'll just kill myself (ya this is weird for me to say on here).
I woke up and I had decided to read the bible, maybe I had a strange dream where I read the bible and decided to.
So I read it
and I just started crying
my ENTIRE family is atheist/agnostic so I was too.
but religion had been a deep and passionate struggle, me not wanting to believe, me being too scientific to believe.

I read a good piece of the new testament and thought "that's it. I believe" and took a vow.
and I begged God to help me believe, to help me find facts. and it was easy, I went online and found this article, and I'm EXTREMLY scientific and factual etc. and it showed how in some ways science proves that there msut be something out there (Science says Life can not drive from non life, so where did we come from?, the earth is the PERFECT size any other size and ozone layers etc. would be missing) and then when I tried to explain to my family I got the "ha" of course, and I still believed and tried, but had trouble, I asked God "I'm sorry I just need more help, I cant do this alone"
(btw at this point I really had abandoned myself from all previous "friends" which I still believe is a great decision) and I was watching the telivision, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and this band preformed that I fell in love with that turned out to be christian and it has helped me so much.

Now I've still abandoned myself
I teach myself, as I have been for some while, independant study, and I think it's because I just cant take humans anymore, I don't know if it's like this everywhere, but it's like people WANT to hurt you, and that's how they get some sick joy. everytime I even think of my past life or the friends I had I feel nauseus.

In some ways I'm lonely
but in a lot of ways I'm not
I'm so much happier, I didn't realize how having sex with a different guy every other night was making me disgusted with myself, and how deep my drug and alchohol problems were. I always want to attend church, but I really would rather not run into anyone I knew.

Is it bad that I have very little contact with anyone?
is that really bad?
I don't know if it is or not.

I really don't know why I posted this
just for advice I guess...