Used, abused and totally taken for granted

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Tink

My daughter came by today, washed her clothes, packed them up and left.
She claims I expect her to do too much and she's not going to help clean the house, so won't be coming back. She said she will stay with friends until she's able to get a place. She apologized for treating me so nastily but tried to justify it by saying she's depressed over her friends death, and so on. It's seriously been going on long before he died, but I didn't argue with her.

She was particularly angry that I told her I didn't want her sleeping on the sofa in the living room anymore. She has given away 2 beds... so right now has none... so I explained that's not my fault and she can sleep on her inflatable mattress or featherbed in her room until she's able to get another bed. She thinks I'm being totally unreasonable. She has no clue how frustrating it is to never be able to use your own living room because she's sprawled out on the couch.

I wish she'd have reacted differently, but she made the choice to leave, so now I hope she's able to make a go of it. I am also glad I didn't kick her out... but gave her options on how she could stay. At least this way it was her choice. I guess I'll be surprised if she doesn't come back in a couple weeks, but again, if she does, she's going to have to agree to living differently than she has been.

My son hasn't done much today, but has no desire to move out, so I'm going to have to get on his case more. It's hard to get him to do anything, but it's also important (for both our sakes) that he does.

Sorry she felt she had to leave Tink, but I can't believe she was living rent free, grocery free and didn't think she should help clean the house. I think alot of kids want to find an excuse instead of taking the blame for their own actions. A death can belt us quite a blow, but you said she was that way before.

You are not being unreasonable by any means. She's lucky she didn't have me for a mother....I expect a lot and if I don't get it, there are consequences. I've always told my son "Yes I expect a lot, but never too much."

You're right it was her choice. If she doesn't help her friends...then they may end up telling her the same thing you did. I'm glad you're planning on sticking to your rules IF she decides to come back. And she should know this before she does, if she does.

Sometimes, guys just don't have a clue. If I want stuff done around here, especially my husband more than my son...all I have to do is write it down and hand him the list. It gets done then, but I can't expect him to know, to some guys certain things just don't really matter as much to them as it does us. So you just may have to leave him a daily list and tell him when you want them done and what the consequences are if they aren't.

It sounds like you are doing the right things Tink, this is just her way of not letting you control her. She'll realize one day that it's "your" house and you do control it.
You're being a good Mom, Tink....don't let anyone tell you different!