What can I do? Advice please!!!

[Lissa]

This is my boyfriend:

FirefighterGarrett-SeniorYear052.jpg

I've posted pictures of him before, and I tend to talk about him a lot (I can't help it, I love him), but there's this thing. How old do you think he is? Here's another picture:

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Most people put him in the 25-30 range, some even higher. But how old do you think he is? Would you believe me if I told you he's only nineteen? He says that it doesn't bother him, but I know it does, especially when people obviously older than him call him "Sir" and when people mistake him for his dad or his dad's brother. He's been dealing with this long before he met me, he was asked if he was registered to vote when he was 13 and one of his little sister's friends asked if he was her dad, but I know it still bothers him.

Thought it does make for some interesting conversations. Recently we were in Mississippi with a college group from our church, and the preacher at the congregation we were helping, seeing as he looks so old and I'm with him, asked when we got married. Just about everyone froze. It was kinda funny, but pretty awkward. And when I helped with a fund raiser for the fire department he works at everyone thought I was his wife, again cause he looks old enough that they all assumed he was married.

And it really doesn't help that premature baldness runs in his family and he got the gene too.

When he tells me a new story about people mistaking his age I tell him that it doesn't bother me and that I love him. But is there anything else I could do to make him less worried? I feel so helpless since that's all it seems that I can do.

[toodles]

i say that it doesn't matter how old he "looks" to everyone else....if you love him, that is all that should matter to him. because in the end, it is your faith and love for each other that gets you through hard times in life. sounds like you really care about him...just keep reassuring him that you care so much about him and that you think he is "perfect".

good luck

[AngieDoogles]

I think the uniform and his experience (didn't you say he's been with the fire dept. for a long time?) probably makes people assume he is older and in that case, I would take it as a compliment. He is respected. Sounds like you have a great guy and I hope that he doesn't let this get him down.

[Lissa]

He's been with the fire dept for 3 yrs, but he knows a lot more than many of his peers about it all because his dad became a firefighter just after he was born and is a Shift Commander in Austin, TX, which basically means he's in charge of AFD every three days...

I don't think it would bother him all that much if it didn't happen so often, but just tonight in his Fire Science class he said he got in the fire dept when he was 16 and they were like, Oh so you've been doing this for about 10 years already? It's like every other day he's got a new story about people being shocked that he's a lot younger than he looks.

I don't have a problem with it, it actually makes me feel better cause I'm actually older than him and for some reason I'm a tad self conscious about that. But it happens so often and when people think he's so much older than he is, it's like he's afraid people will think he's in his 40s when he hits 25, and it bothers him, and I wish I could do more than just say I love him and that even though so many other people think it I don't think he looks that old.

[Marilyn]

Melissa, I don't think he looks that old. People are so superficial when they look at someone. He has a receding hairline and his beard is darker and heavier than most people his age. Those are the features that give people the perception that he is older than he is. If you really look at him, he looks his age. When he smiles his boyish smile, he looks very young, and his skin looks young.

I don't think he'll look 40 when he's 26 or something. He'll probably catch up with his perceved age and move on from there.

It's a shame that this is happening to him and that is bothers him so much. He's such a sweet young man. Hope you can help encourage him.

[Forgivenmom5]

People can be so cruel without even meaning to. Since I had my youngest daughter so late in life i have been mistaken for her grandmother a couple of times. My main concern was whether it bothered her. This may be a lot of your boyfriends concerns. I know you have let him know how you feel but just keep making sure he knows that. Sounds like he is a special young man and that is what matters.

He's gorgeous ! Why are you worried ? I would just quietly watch other women if I were you though - as he looks mature and therefore of interest to most ladies.
He loves you though, so just be happy
My first boyfriend looked older than he was, and the older ladies really liked him. He was 18 and looked 25-30 with big muscles too.
My second, I stayed with from age 17 and he was 18 and we married at 21. We've been together 22 years !
All that matters is that you've found someone special ! My poor Kenny lost his hair too...he's just turned 40, and it started to go from age 32.

Debra

Here are some pics of us :

[blowry]

I guess I don't quite understand what your concern is...I know you said it bothers him that people think he's older but, it shouldn't. He is a very handsome man...and if it doesn't bother you then I wouldn't worry so much what others think. Are you older than him? I am 5 yrs older than my husband and people think he's older than me....I LOVE it when people say that!! lol.

[rivermom]

Ok, I'm just gonna say this right now..."who cares?" I mean really, you love him for him. He loves you for you. It doesn't matter what his age is or what he looks like for his age.

Ignore the rude comments of others, and go on with your beautiful relationship.

He needs to feel good about himself no matter what his age is and not matter what he looks like. You've found yourself a good man it sounds like and he's lucky to have you too.

He seems very respectful, hard working, honest, and adores you. He could have purple hair for all you care.

[Lissa]

Actually, I'm the one with the purple hair...actually it's currently blue

And poor him, he started losing his hair at 17...

It's not a huge problem, just an undercurrent, he knows I love him for him, and 90% of the time I'm sure it doesn't bug him too much, I'm just trying to find another way to get through to him so he'll know without a doubt that it doesn't bother me in the least. One of your jobs in a relationship (in my case I'd say it's more of a privilege, but I'm biased) is that I am supposed to comfort and encourage him, I'm just slightly worried that what I'm doing isn't enough.

And I do have to keep my guard up!!! It seems every time I turn around some girl wants to steal him from me!!! But he swears that I'm the only girl for him, and if you met him you'd see he's not lying, Mum even made a comment last time we were all together that he seems to really like me.