17 yr old daughter, need I say more?

[Tink]

Cathy, I have 3 grown kids. BTDT... and I know it's NOT easy!
You are doing the absolute right thing. You have to be firm and consistent in spite of her backlash. If you slip up she's gone... and you won't get her back.

My kids were all a challenge in their own way. I battled with them on a regular basis and now they tell me they're glad I did even though at the time I really felt they hated me for it. They do eventually outgrow the rebellion and come to realize that you were just being a good loving parent and protecting them from their own teen angst.

Hang in there. Time is the only cure.

[toodles]

gosh...i hope it gets better for you. I will be there in 10 years and i know i will remember this thread my girl is going to be STUBBORN...she is already thick headed and strong willed. I am in for it.

i think you are doing right by standing your ground. she will get over feeling like you are the enemy. she will thank you one day

[Gina]

Cathy. My mom use to always say to me better they cry than you. <children> How true is this.. Your doing the right thing, stand your ground, you are not her friend, you are her mother. I always told my daughter that I am not running a popularity contest. Someday she will thank you. Girls are very hard to get along with and rebellous in their teen years.

I to have a 20 yr.old girl. She is doing wonderfully in school, I was always strict with her to a degree, I am very proud of her today. She still has a big mouth with me every so often, I know deep in her heart she appreciates the way I raised her....

This will pass

[Mandy]

Cathy, it's good to see you here, glad you made it!!


Kids that age dont seem to realise how important their grades are, you not alone on this, my son is the same "happy go lucky" school is, well just that. He has to sit down, and do school work for 1 1/2 hour each night for me now, hes grades dropped this first semester, so now i too am putting my foot down.

You are a good mom, she will appreciate you later on. This is not an easy age.

[katepoet]

Hi Cathy
I always have the odd-woman-out opinion on teens here on 4WT. So, here it goes again! lol

Teens who are capable and bright and struggling often have an allergy to the school and or home environment or to the foods they are eating. Standard allergy testing is full of false negatives but there is a better form of testing that can find out what's going on. It's called P/N or provocation/neutralization and has been around since the 1950's. It takes longer so it hasn't been as popular as standard testing but it is much better.

In addition, she may have nutritional deficiencies. Try a Buffered Vitamin C for stress for both of you - I like one of Nutricology's supplement that is derived from beets or cassava - low allergen foods. Make sure she is taking iron and folic acid with the C as an iron shortage due to menstruation can cause fatigue. Iron also absorbs better with C.

Sit down with her and explain that her body's hormones and immune system may be making her life harder - this kind of reaction I am talking about makes emotions feel stronger and at the same time, they seem rational. Give her the benefit of the doubt. I am sure she wants to be a good daughter and student, she is just over her head.

If any of this seems interesting to you, as a different approach to the problem, I would be glad to tell you more, pass on names of books and MDs.

[rivermom]

I have a 17 year old daughter. In a teens eyes - it can so often be "just about them". Their world is small and it's nearly impossible for them to see the larger picture. Emotions don't last, their future does.

Bounderies and guidelines as you are drawing out are healthy. She will thank you someday for you doing this.

Deep breath!!! That's what I have to remind myself to do.

you have to do what you think is best for her, most teens hate parents for making them do what they need to do. but also remember alot if it is up to them also so dont beat your self up if she doesnt do the right thing. they really dont know how hard its going to be on them if they dont do the work now, my youngest is 19 and didnt graduate (long story involving a brain inj. and giving up on relearning everything) i know he could have done the work if he really tried hard but he gave up and now had a really hard time finding a job without an education all the grounding and everything else we did didnt matter to him so now he will go to the school of hard knocks.