I think I'm going to do it

[Marilyn]

Sooo sorry you are going through this, especially at this time of year. You've expressed your unhappiness for a very long time. Divorce must be the last resort, but from what you have said about him, unless he will agree to counseling and get some help, you have to take care of yourself and your daughter. If he's been unfaithful, you are definitely off the hook. Didn't you express a concern about possible infidelity in another thread? It seems that a man who is so demanding concerning sex and housework may be looking for is elsewhere already. If not, perhaps your announcement will cause him to wake up and get help. No one can know what is happening in your life but you. We are to love our husbands, but they are also to love their wives, and what he is doing does not sound like love. As others have stated, please make certain that this is the only resort before taking this huge step.

Wishing you the very best!!!

[RLC12345678]

Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. I know when my hubby and I were having problems, I sat him down and told him that what we were doing was obviously not working for us. We kept doing the same things over and over expecting our relationship to magically get better but it wasn't. Both of us had to commit to making our marriage better and to both doing things to move forward in a better direction. If I were you, I would have this same conversation with your husband. But this cannot be a one-sided thing. Ya'll BOTH need to make committments to change things in your life to make your relationship work. If your husband is not willing to make any changes, that is not your fault, and I would walk away. You could also give him an ultimatum.........tell him counseling, or you're done. At least then you'll know that you tried everything you could to make it work.

I've only been married for 2 years and I'll be the first to tell you that it is definitely hard work! It is definitely a job that you have to work at everyday in order to be successful. And BOTH parties need to be committed. It takes two to make a marriage work.

Best of luck. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[judy]

Dear Toodles,

I'm divorced for the second time. I didn't learn what I needed to learn from the first divorce, and married the same kind of guy.

I do agree with Kate about you going into counseling. It is a very big decision and it is most important to have no regrets. You also may need the support a therapist can give you. My ex and I went to marriage counselling too, and it helped me further to decide to leave him. It certainly did nothing for our marriage. I'm not against it, but it's not a magic cure all either.

Follow your instincts. I did, and I have been happier every day since he's gone, and that's about 13 years now. I have absolutely no regrets. Being without a man is fine. Being with a man and unhappy is not fine.

Sheryl said it beautifully. We are supposed to be happy. Life is too short not to be.

I wish you all the happiness you wish yourself times 100.