Going ballistic

[Janet]

I know you're just venting Tink, but I just feel the need to say something. I don't want anyone taking advantage of you ....even your son. Linda (Cecil) is right. Stop doing things for him. I'd go as far as putting a lock on the fridge too. Start charging rent and whatever else you feel is necessary. Why should he get out when he's got it so good?

Why not let your husband talk with him...man to man. I was always told that in any situation....you can only be walked on if you're lying down.

[DianaB]

{{{{{{Brenda}}}}}} I'm so sorry that you're still having to deal with this. I agree with Janet about having your husband talk to your son. I know that you're very fustrated over this, but you have got to take care of yourself.

I'm sorry that your arthritis is bothering you. Do you take anything for it? I take Piroxicam for mine. It's a medicine that's been out for quite a while so it's not terribly expensive. You might ask your doctor about it.

[Tink]

Thanks all
I don't do his laundry... he's capable even if he doesn't always want me to think so.
I rarely cook for him because his schedule and mine are very different. He works from 3 pm to 2 am Mon - Friday, so comes home and stays up several hours while I'm sleeping, then sleeps till 2 pm before going back to work.His wacked out schedule is part of our problem.... he's up and about while I'm trying to sleep and has company here during that time as well with no regard to my getting woke up by their noise.

So he does laundry when I'm trying to sleep and the laundry area is right outside my bedroom. If I've left towels in the dryer he's been known to bring them in my bedroom and dump them on my bed with me in it to make way for his own clothes to dry. I nearly flew out of bed and tackled him for that!
He cooks for himself and never does up his dishes, so I have the kitchen cleaned before I go to bed and get up to dirty dishes, sink and counter most mornings. He's also terrible at leaving pop cans, wrappers, and so on where ever they fall.

Living with him is like trying to shovel during a blizzard... you think you've got it done, go to sleep, and wake up to the same mess you just cleaned. Then dh comes home and wonders why the house looks so messy! **faint**

Gregs due home today... I'm going to have to have a good long talk with him and get some resolution decided on. My wish is that they'd all be moved out by mid December; but we've got to stand together in order for that to happen.

[rivermom]

I'm just going to be blunt and probably make a few angry. Wouldn't be the first time, LOL!!

Kick his butt out! It's time for him to move on. Sit him down, tell him that this is your house and give him a timeline on how much longer he has allowed to stay with you. He doesn't have to do for himself because he doesn't have to. He probably will resent you for awhile but it's all just a part of parenting in my eyes. I don't have all the answers for sure...Never will say I do.

Again, I apololgize for writing what I feel. I understand that my thoughts are harsh and seem unfair or mean.

[katepoet]

I don't think that's necessarily mean, Sheryl. It depends on the individual situation, of course. I have to agree that he sounds like he needs to live independent of Mom cleaning up behind him so he can wallow in his mess and see where that leads him!

[Tink]

Sheryl. I agree fully, it's getting dh to back me that's been the hard part. His dad was an abusive nasty person and dh has taken the absolute opposite approach in his parenting in an effort to never be anything like him. It just breaks his heart to think of being that firm even though he seems to know it's gone too far too.

I really want to set a deadline and stick to it. If he's old enough to be engaged, he's certainly old enough to move out of our house! He's been offered to move into the same house his fiancee lives in and split the rent etc... and he finds all kinds of excuses not to go. I think it's time we just put our foot down so he has to go somewhere. It's not healthy for him to keep living here... not for ANY of us.

Katie being pg, has renewed her resolve to move out again. Her bf tells me his Christmas gift to her is going to be the first and last months rent and deposit on an apartment for her. (Whether she's ready for him to move in or not at this point is still in question) So unless she refuses his gift, she will be moving into a place of her own soon.

I think whatever date we set for Joel should also hold for Doug, the "extra kid" we have living here. I can't see keeping him here if we make Joel leave.

If I have my way, we will have an empty nest before New Years. I pray it works out that way.

[katepoet]

That sounds like such a good plan - it's much easier for each one of them to face the move out date when each one is not the only one doing it. I think of the things we do to force growth as part of the job of making men and women out of boys and girls. If we don't, they will be like some of my students - unable to live independent of Mom and Dad, standing straight and proud.

[rivermom]

Thoughts are with ya Tink!!

[DianaB]

Good luck, Tink!