16 year old bro - what to do?

So, I am 19 years old and have a brother who is 16 years old of whom i care very much about and want the only the best for. However, I am afraid with the crowd he is hanging around with that there are some things that might possibly be going on that I and my parents truly disagree with. I know that he is drinking I know that for sure because he tells me that, I know he has had sex but I only know of one time that he has done so. Drinking as long as it is in moderation and on occasion is not a big deal to me even though i wish he wouldnt do it at all considering he is only 16 and drinking can supposedly stunt brain development and learning. The other thing is sex which doesnt really bother me much either i guess. But the thing that really bothers me that I become more and more aware of is smoking. Now i dont know for sure at all if he smokes or what he smokes if he does. I have talked to him before and said dont do drugs dont smoke cigarettes. And I have asked him if he has and he says no i have not done that. Well the other day him and 7 - 10 of his buddies were leaving the house around 10:00 to go to Taco Bell is what my bro told my mother and one of his friends said "Jaime do you have a lighter". Without thinking I said maybe up in my bedroom (ex boyfriend used to smoke and left lighters all the time in my car). As I walked up the steps a bit it clicked what he had really asked me and I said "why would you need a lighter?" and he replied with "oh nevermind" and quickly went out the door. I went to my room pretended like i was looking came back downstairs and his friend was standing there and i said "dont have one sorry" and he then left. My brother then came down the stairs and i asked where he was going he said "somewhere, bye." and closed the door. I dont know what do or how to talk to him and figure out why his friend needed a lighter. I dont know whether to tell my parents (who i am very close with and tell everything) what his friend asked me. And I really want to figure out if he is smoking and if so what he is smoking without being a nagging sister. Help!!! Any suggestions on how to go about this. sorry its so long.

[Gina]

Jaime.. First I like to say hi and welcome to 4WT.

I feel for you for your in a difficult situation, you want the best for your kid brother and you don't want to him to mistrust you for your close to your parents and you want him to confide in you. Without him thinking that you will police him and tattle on him to your parents.

He is only 16 yrs. old a diffucult age to be. Lot's of peer pressure etc. We have all been there done that. He will not listen to reason at the moment. If I were you and he sounds like he trusts you with what he confides in you. I would sit down and have a talk with him. The dangers of drinking, drugs ,sex and smoking at this age. Sometimes you have to repeat the things that they don't want to hear, I find as mom it does get absorbed . They may not agree and try to go with the in crowd.

I think since you are close to your parents, you should confide in them. It is their place to step in with whom your brother is hanging out with. Not yours, you should not be the bad guy. Besides he probably will not listen to you anyway.When you have this discussion with your parents, tell them please do not involve me , and that you heard nothing from me. It's good that your not to much older and probably know his hang outs and friends. Definetly keep an eye on him.

My children when they were teenagers , if one didn't like what the other did or heard something that they didn't like. They would tell me and I would handle it...

It's hard but your a good sister and your just care about him. He will realize later on in life..

[Ponyup]

I suggest smelling his dirty clothes. If you've ever smelled weed before you'll know for sure if he's smoking it from his clothes. If you don't know what weed smells like, it kinda smells like dirty feet & b/o. If he's smoking cigarettes you should be able to smell that too. Also if he wears tons of cologne or something he might be covering up some other smells. I personally think he's too young to do these things. I did some of these things, but I was older. There's a boy in my town who's girlfriend just had a baby & he's only 15. Make sure he's being careful....at 16 is he really ready to have a baby. Also what about driving under the influence, he could get hurt or hurt someone else. I don't know if you too are close, but a heart to heart might be in order, but he may not want to listen.

[DianaB]

I really think that you need to let your parents know what you think is going on. I know that as a parent I would want to know. You need to leave the responsiblity of what to do in your parent's hands and be willing to help with what ever they decide.

Teen years are such hard years. They want to have their freedom but with that freedom comes responsiblity. The things that are done at this age, or any age for that matter, can affect you for the rest of your life. A disabling car accident, getting a girl pregnant, getting addicted to drugs, hanging out with the wrong crowd, so many things that can affect your future all because of not thinking what can happen. Do you think that any teen wants to go through life with problems hanging over them? No, but many do because of not caring enough about what's ahead of them. This is the speech to give to your brother. Good luck!

Originally Posted by Gina

Jaime.. First I like to say hi and welcome to 4WT.

I feel for you for your in a difficult situation, you want the best for your kid brother and you don't want to him to mistrust you for your close to your parents and you want him to confide in you. Without him thinking that you will police him and tattle on him to your parents.

He is only 16 yrs. old a diffucult age to be. Lot's of peer pressure etc. We have all been there done that. He will not listen to reason at the moment. If I were you and he sounds like he trusts you with what he confides in you. I would sit down and have a talk with him. The dangers of drinking, drugs ,sex and smoking at this age. Sometimes you have to repeat the things that they don't want to hear, I find as mom it does get absorbed . They may not agree and try to go with the in crowd.

I think since you are close to your parents, you should confide in them. It is their place to step in with whom your brother is hanging out with. Not yours, you should not be the bad guy. Besides he probably will not listen to you anyway.When you have this discussion with your parents, tell them please do not involve me , and that you heard nothing from me. It's good that your not to much older and probably know his hang outs and friends. Definetly keep an eye on him.

My children when they were teenagers , if one didn't like what the other did or heard something that they didn't like. They would tell me and I would handle it...

It's hard but your a good sister and your just care about him. He will realize later on in life..

thank you for your input. My little brother actually just got an underage drinking ticket last night so my parents are going to sit down with him and talk to him today so i might tell them about the smoking thing too that i heard from his friend so they can talk to him about that too at the same time.

Originally Posted by Ponyup

I suggest smelling his dirty clothes. If you've ever smelled weed before you'll know for sure if he's smoking it from his clothes. If you don't know what weed smells like, it kinda smells like dirty feet & b/o. If he's smoking cigarettes you should be able to smell that too. Also if he wears tons of cologne or something he might be covering up some other smells. I personally think he's too young to do these things. I did some of these things, but I was older. There's a boy in my town who's girlfriend just had a baby & he's only 15. Make sure he's being careful....at 16 is he really ready to have a baby. Also what about driving under the influence, he could get hurt or hurt someone else. I don't know if you too are close, but a heart to heart might be in order, but he may not want to listen.

yeah i dont think im going to talk to him about it i think that im just going to let my parents deal with it and if that doesnt work ill step up and talk to him probably. Give him some of my personal experiences to base his choices off and then hope that he does the right things. I dont think he would ever drive under the influence, but i guess i dont really know that for sure. Driving is a whole other issue that scares me cause in my town every year someone under the age of 18 dies due to car accidents its so sad.

Originally Posted by DianaB

I really think that you need to let your parents know what you think is going on. I know that as a parent I would want to know. You need to leave the responsiblity of what to do in your parent's hands and be willing to help with what ever they decide.

Teen years are such hard years. They want to have their freedom but with that freedom comes responsiblity. The things that are done at this age, or any age for that matter, can affect you for the rest of your life. A disabling car accident, getting a girl pregnant, getting addicted to drugs, hanging out with the wrong crowd, so many things that can affect your future all because of not thinking what can happen. Do you think that any teen wants to go through life with problems hanging over them? No, but many do because of not caring enough about what's ahead of them. This is the speech to give to your brother. Good luck!

thank you for your suggestions! i think i am going to go and tell them about what i heard from his friend. You are completely right about so many things can change ones life forever. hope for the best for us please. thanks again.

[Ponyup]

Originally Posted by hollisterxsurfx

yeah i dont think im going to talk to him about it i think that im just going to let my parents deal with it and if that doesnt work ill step up and talk to him probably. Give him some of my personal experiences to base his choices off and then hope that he does the right things. I dont think he would ever drive under the influence, but i guess i dont really know that for sure. Driving is a whole other issue that scares me cause in my town every year someone under the age of 18 dies due to car accidents its so sad.

I really hope someone can talk some sense into him, he's playing a very dangerous game. Hopefully your parents can take care of it. He is a minor & living under there roof. Hopefully they can ground him or take things away to staighten him up. I hung around with a rough crowd when I was that age, but I had a strong moral base & their decisions did not affect my own. But not everyone is like me. Peer pressure is a very hard thing to fight against.

well heres the latest update... parents talked to him and now all he needs is hopes and prayers that he will stay on the right track. I sincerly think that he is going to. My little brother is a good kid with a good head on his shoulders he knows what is wrong from right and hopefully he can just stand up to temptation from now on. Thanks for all the input everyone!