Wal-Mart Job Application

[Tink]

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Man)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment .

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE ...7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

[DianaB]

That's really funny, Tink!!! They've probably recieved a few applications that looked like this one too!

[Janet]

Now this one I've seen before, but loved reading it again.

[Gina]

Very cute ! thanks

[judy]

I love that!

I was once collecting unemployment, and loving it. I had to prove that I was actively searching for a job. I couldn't fill out whacky applications, or I could have been reported, but....I had one interview where I bought a bag of sponges (cheap,, big and colorful). I went into the reception room with my blouse buttoned wrong, sat down to fill out the application and let the sponges spill out all over the couch and some on the floor. So there I was, with my blouse crooked, surrounded by sponges! Would you have hired me?

Whew! Another 2 weeks of unemployment!

[katcarasella]

Judy and Tink, you guys are a scream.

[Tink]

Judy, you're a hoot!
I wish we lived closer... I know you'd be a blast to hang out with.