Horrible day..

[Shada]

Thank you Gayle.
When I wrote those words I was still so hurt and mad over what my sister said to me. I kept telling her she doesn't see or understand what mom does for her. Has always done for her. She truly believes that she was the best mother, and our mother did nothing for her. What a lie. I have begged my mom to 'let them grow up, quit doing everything for them', for when mom is gone, I can't take care of them.. nor would I if I could. They need to depend on themselves. But I have to put some blame on mom, for she has allowed them to use her and keeps taking care of them. I tell her the same thing.. 'just say NO' and she says how??? She feels they need her.. how would they eat? How would they pay their bills?

Then mom tells me how proud she is of me because I am so independant. I am buying my own home.. pay my own bills.. work 40 hours a week. I couldn't tell you the last time I took a day off that wasn't a earned vacation day. I have worked at the same place for 23 years and maybe took 5 days off due to sickness in that time.

My sister is a worthless user and has raised her children to be the same.
It makes me sick.

[Janet]

Wow...Shada, sounds like you've had a really bad day girl!! It's too bad your sister can't see how things really are, but you are right, your mother has to own some of the blame.

Once your mother is gone, they most likely will find someone else to use and abuse, it's a cycle unless it is broken. Your mother needs to do that as soon as possible, but I know, as a mother, you don't want to see your child, no matter how old, suffer in any way. Thing is, it's hurting them more than helping.

I have a nephew like that. I use to help him when I could, but it didn't go any good so I stopped. My mother signed for a car for my nephews son, he didn't make a payment, so Mom went and got the car and sold it. She didn't get what the loan was for, so had to finish paying it herself. She decided no more helping that family. I guess my nephew (he's 51) called Mom the other day and said he was in trouble and needed a credit card or something and Mom told him before he even finished his sentence that she wasn't co-signing, giving or anything anymore. He has burnt her one too many times. So he hung up on her.

Shada, I think there is one like this in almost every family, not all of course, but most. We just have to know we are doing the right thing by not enabling these types of people. We can love them still, but that's all.

[gja1000]

There is an old saying something like, "If you love something, let it go" I know your mom loves your sister and her family, but part of loving them is helping them to be self sufficient, productive members of society. Some people can't learn until they are forced into that situation. Yes, it is painful, difficult and almost any other difficult concept you can think of - but it is the right thing to do, especially for the younger family members. Some can't do it though, and that is sad.

Best of luck!

[judy]

I'm so sorry you had to listen to this nonsense. I have learned (finally!) to not get into it with people like that. I either very quickly get off the phone, or just walk away asap. I usually don't say much. I never respond to their BS.

I think it's probably too late for your Mom to change. Your sister is not your problem. You don't need to prove to her that you're right. You and your Mom know that you are. Like Dr. Phil says, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"

In other words, screw it. Ignore your sister, in my opinion.

What happened to the dog?

[Janet]

Great advice Judy...Dr. Phil is good.

[DianaB]

Phones are made for hanging up. I don't like to do it but there are times that that option is available to you. Learn to either avoid getting into conversation with your sister or let her know that it's a subject you don't want to discuss with her. If she doesn't have anything good to say.....you don't want to hear it. Sorry. Sometimes families can be so difficult!! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[Dobie]

Sorry to hear that you had an argument with your sister - but like the others have said, take comfort in the fact that you know what the truth is.