Marriage Counseling?

[Ponyup]

Sorry Nicole, I didn't mean to offend sometimes my phrasing isn't correct. When I got married I was naive & ignorant about relationships. I didn't do long term relationships. I met my husband & knew he was the one, we were long distance our entire courtship (almost 2 years) & talked alot on the phone. I thought we had talked about everything. We were opposites, but we worked. When we got married & moved in together it was really hard for me. Things weren't perfect & I thought they should be since I married "the one". Well I read a book my cousin gave me & talked to my mom & found out that even if you marry "the one" there will be problems & that first year is hard. Had I gone to counseling I would of had a head ups about this happening & not stressed myself out. I had to learn on my own how to work things out & compromise & we have & we are great now. But had I not had the support system I had I might have left him, thinking since it's not perfect I married the wrong man. Now I know I married the perfect man. I think counseling would of given me a heads up & that would of been nice.

[BabyNicole]

Originally Posted by Ponyup

Sorry Nicole, I didn't mean to offend sometimes my phrasing isn't correct. When I got married I was naive & ignorant about relationships. I didn't do long term relationships. I met my husband & knew he was the one, we were long distance our entire courtship (almost 2 years) & talked alot on the phone. I thought we had talked about everything. We were opposites, but we worked. When we got married & moved in together it was really hard for me. Things weren't perfect & I thought they should be since I married "the one". Well I read a book my cousin gave me & talked to my mom & found out that even if you marry "the one" there will be problems & that first year is hard. Had I gone to counseling I would of had a head ups about this happening & not stressed myself out. I had to learn on my own how to work things out & compromise & we have & we are great now. But had I not had the support system I had I might have left him, thinking since it's not perfect I married the wrong man. Now I know I married the perfect man. I think counseling would of given me a heads up & that would of been nice.

No, you didn't offend me! I'm just hard-headed! LOL Shoot, my ex fiancé and I talked about everything and I thought he was "the one." Man was I mistaken! His excuse, "I just changed my mind." And do you know still after one year (a few days ago) he IMed me wanting a booty call? HELLO!!! You've GOT to be kidding me! But, thank God I did go to counseling after the break-up b/c I learned that it really wasn't "me." I did everything for him, and that wasn't enough. O well, he can go get his booty somewhere else!
But, back to pre-marriage counseling...I can understand what you mean, but it's just not for me, you know? I have a big mouth, and I usually have no problem saying what's on my mind!

[RLC12345678]

Like I said, our church required us to go to premarital counseling before my hubby and I could get married. Like Janet, I think premarital counseling should be a REQUIREMENT before ANYONE can get married! Even though my hubby and I dated for 3.5 years before we got married and talked about everything under the sun, it was really beneficial and healthy for our relationship to get an outside opinion on some issues. We took a personality test that really tapped into areas that would never come up in a conversation. We were also able to get advice from someone who has been successfully married for over 35 years. Learning how he handled situations was really beneficial. He told us that he and his wife NEVER fought until they had kids. Knowing this before hand is really going to help my hubby and I when we decide to have children. We also talked about conflict resolution, finances, career expectations, and a whole lot of other things. We also talked about how "love" is not necessarily a feeling, it is a choice. It is going to be completely natural for my hubby and I to have attractions to other people. But that doesn't mean that we should divorce or that we don't love each other anymore. And just because we are attracted to someone certainly does not mean we should follow through with a physical relationship with someone. Love is not only a feeling, but it is a commitment. When you make a commitment, you should follow through with it. I think there would be many less divorces if people were required to go through conseling before marriage. I think it would prevent a lot of marriages that eventually end in divorce from happening. Just talking through issues such as these that will certainly arise in our marriage will make us more prepared for the future.