favoritism

[DianaB]

My MIL has her favorites too. It's very hurtful for my children. They're not very close to her at all and she just lives down the road from all of us. She has 2 daughters and 3 sons. The daughters all live away from her (one in a different state) and the sons all live very close by. Her favorites are her daughter's children. I used to have a problem with it but I decided that she is the one who is missing out on my children's lives.

She even told me this about one of her little grandsons... that there "has never been a child loved as much as he is!!" My mouth dropped open and I know that she saw the expression on my face! Of course she started trying to make things better, but it was too late. He is a darling little boy and a joy to be around, but to actually let something like this actually be said was pretty tacky, in my opinion. I have 5 grandchildren and would NEVER treat any one any differently than the others!!!

My MIL has several issues in her life that I don't agree with. I've learned to keep my distance and to not hold on to any hurtful things that she does. As I said, I know that she's the one that's missing out and someday she's going to regret it.

Originally Posted by jck4b

I have a subject that has touched home.... Grandparents favoring one (or more) grandchildren over others.... This has happened in our family & I always held my tongue. I fiqured that if I did say something then any change in the GP's behavoir would be phony & that would be worse.When my kids were young (under10) I would make up excuses for the obvious difference in treatment. When they got older I stopped lying because my kids didn't buy the excuses anymore, & I felt foolish doing it. Now that their adults there is no relationship between them & I find it sad that my kids grew up w/ no GP in their lives even though they were very much alive .... Has this happened to anyone here & how did you handle it?

are you my secret sister in law? LOL
I hhave the same exact thing.. my kids are older now too and they ar VERY aware of the favoritism... I simply explained to both of them that they have a great family here and on my side of the family so not to worry about it. We NEVER see the inlaws and dont go there unless it is a special event. I just keep them as happy as possible and in my family that they dont feel they are missing anything. I think it is sad that when their grandparent are really old they will wonder why my kids arent there.... it is a sad situation for anyone.

[Sherry Lynn]

How horrible! Do they realize that they're doing it? What would they say if you confronted them....

Say something like... the kids can't come over when Little Johnny is there because it hurts their feelings so much when you treat Little Johnny so much better than you do them. So rather than see their feelings hurt so badly, I prefer to keep them away.

I don't have children, but with my nieces and nephews I always try to keep things as equal as possible. I do tease them a lot and I'm always telling them 'Don't tell the others, but you know you're my favorite!' Now that they're older they just grin, roll their eyes and finish the sentence for me.

[SweetCuteness]

This is all horrible! Your BIL's girlfriend isn't even technically a part of the family and you've been there for years. I'm sorry you're going through this. I would feel exactly the same way. When the grandparents are older, and all the grandkids are grown, they'll regret what they've done now... especially when they feel neglected and don't ever come around the grandparents. Maybe then the grandparents will understand how it feels.

[2tiredmom]

That's happened in our family. One of my husbands sisters passed away a few years ago and left 2 girls under the age of 3. Needless to say they got everything. That's ok. But now they are 14 and 12 and are spoiled little brats.
They talk back and bad mouth everyone. But Grandma still thinks they are little angels. We just stay away and only get together with them when we have to.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by 2tiredmom

That's happened in our family. One of my husbands sisters passed away a few years ago and left 2 girls under the age of 3. Needless to say they got everything. That's ok. But now they are 14 and 12 and are spoiled little brats.
They talk back and bad mouth everyone. But Grandma still thinks they are little angels. We just stay away and only get together with them when we have to.

I can't believe they are that old already.

[Willow]

We deal with the favoritism too, only instead of my mom favoring one of my kids, she actually favors my cousins kids. My mom is always babysitting for my cousin if she has a doctors appointment or if she just needs "time alone". My cousin is expecting baby #6 and it is a very high risk pregnancy and she has a control freak husband who will only trust my mom to watch their kids. So everytime they need a sitter, they call my mom. My mom never tells them no. My mom seems to forget that my cousins kids aren't her grandkids. She plays the grandma role for my cousins kids more than she does mine.

Now my Aunt, who is the real grandma, comes down on occassion to see her grandkids and she always makes a point of visiting us too. My cousin used to live 5 miles away...she has since moved...but my mom would be at her house everyday to visit and when she got home she would call me and say, "Oh I just got back from Amberly's. She needed someone to talk to."

My mom is there for my cousin in everyway possible, which usually means she is unavailable to me. We will call and invite them over or ask them if they could keep the kids so we can go out and have a "date night" but it is usually, "We have Amberly's kids right now" or "well I promised Amberly I would come over." Then once when my hubby and I were having some issues my mom said "you guys should make time for yourselves without the kids around. Go on a datenight or something." I told her "we would like to, but we can't afford a sitter for 4 kids and you're always watching Amberly's kids so it makes it hard to have a datenight without a sitter." Her reply was "That's true."

Last year my daughter was crowned Princess of our local fall festival. We were so proud of her! Immediately after her crowning my parents took off for my cousins house. They didn't even congratulate her. I figured they watched her crowning, that was better than nothing, but Katie was hurt that they didn't stick around and celebrate with her. My Aunt did though! She took the kids down to play games and win prizes and bought them funnel cake.

I will never understand WHY people have favorites.

[Willow]

oh and I should add, my cousin and her husband bought a house one block away from my mother so they see eachother everyday. We live 11 miles away.