Getting tired...really tired...

[Kimberley]

Sorry that I haven't been around in a while...but I've had a lot of things going on. I'm here to vent so I hope that you guys don't mind.

I am so sick and tired of my in-laws. They are the ones that moved us down here. I thought it was a good idea...stupid me! We lived with my in-laws for a couple of months before we could find a place that was affordable to rent.

I should have known I was in trouble right off of the bat. FIL, hubby and I were in the living room. FIL and I were watching the news and hubby was reading the paper. FIL doesn't even look at me but says..."Why don't you get off of your fat ass and go mow the grass?" I look at my husband and he doesn't even put down his paper.

FIL has ALWAYS been one to speak his mind...especially when he's had too much to drink. I'm making bottles one night in the kitchen. I had my back turned to him..."Why don't you shake 'em a little harder!"

Then, a couple of weeks ago (after my recent surgery), we're at their house and I'm at the stove (we went for supper), he comes in from outside and felt up my butt.

He's a S.O.B. I have a daughter from my first marriage. They loved my daughter...until I had their grandson. My FIL has lied about my daughter...said she said things she never said. When I asked him to produce a witness...he can't. Our summer vacation was ruined last year (yes, we went with them) because he lied about my daughter.

The day after Christmas, we went to their house to do Christmas with my husband's cousins. We're out in the shop drinking and having a good time...FIL starts in on me..."You care more about your damn dogs than you do your family!" WHAAAAT? Where did that come from? "If you cared so much about your son, why doesn't he know how to ride a bike!" Once again, hubby doesn't say a word so I tell my FIL..."Why are you asking me? Why don't you ask your son...your grandson's father?" The fight escalated from there. Basically, he blames me for everything that has gone wrong and everything that continues to go wrong. I swear, he blames me for Hurricane Katrina and global warming, too!

I hate living so close to my in-laws. I absolute hate having a husband that doesn't stick up for me and tell his father to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. It causes a strain on our marriage and I resent my husband for not having a pair to save his life.

We went to counseling last year...that helped for all of about a month. I find myself wanting an excuse...wanting out. I know that isn't fair to him or our kids because we do love each other. I just want to scream...but what good would that do?

Sorry to be in such a bummer mood. I just needed a place to talk.

[Kimberley]

Also, there is so much more that they have done to us...mostly my FIL...I could freaking type a novel!

[khardy57]

Kimberley, I feel for you! My late husband's father was the same way with my husband. My husband finally told me "You don't have to put up with him, but I have to take care of my mother" Our compromise was that I didn't go to their house for any get togethers and my husband went only long enough to make sure his Dad wasn't showing out to his Mother, then he came home.

(We lived across the pasture from them)

It wasn't fun with my in-laws, but thank God, my husband never forced me to deal with them.

If your husband doesn't grow any, I'd feel free to say whatever was necessary, especially when it came to the kids. When it came to my boys, I didn't care what I said or who I said it in front of.

another Kimberly

[rivermom]

I am sorry you are going through this, it can't be easy. Is there a way to separate yourself from your inlaws? Just don't be with them? I have watched a friend pretty much go through the same situation you are in and I have pretty much asked her the same thing.

She asked me what to do so I offered her my thoughts. I mentioned she has choices she could make and for her to do what she felt best. Needless to say she continues to place herself in the presence of family members (inlaws) she doesn't care for. And by doing so makes herself miserable.

I hope it all gets better for you.

I myself find it personally straining to be with many of my inlaws also. I have made the decision for myself just to not be around them unless i absolutely have to be. It's made a much more positive and happier relationship with my hubby.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by Kimberley

Sorry that I haven't been around in a while...but I've had a lot of things going on. I'm here to vent so I hope that you guys don't mind.

I am so sick and tired of my in-laws. They are the ones that moved us down here. I thought it was a good idea...stupid me! We lived with my in-laws for a couple of months before we could find a place that was affordable to rent.

I should have known I was in trouble right off of the bat. FIL, hubby and I were in the living room. FIL and I were watching the news and hubby was reading the paper. FIL doesn't even look at me but says..."Why don't you get off of your fat ass and go mow the grass?" I look at my husband and he doesn't even put down his paper.

FIL has ALWAYS been one to speak his mind...especially when he's had too much to drink. I'm making bottles one night in the kitchen. I had my back turned to him..."Why don't you shake 'em a little harder!"

Then, a couple of weeks ago (after my recent surgery), we're at their house and I'm at the stove (we went for supper), he comes in from outside and felt up my butt.

He's a S.O.B. I have a daughter from my first marriage. They loved my daughter...until I had their grandson. My FIL has lied about my daughter...said she said things she never said. When I asked him to produce a witness...he can't. Our summer vacation was ruined last year (yes, we went with them) because he lied about my daughter.

The day after Christmas, we went to their house to do Christmas with my husband's cousins. We're out in the shop drinking and having a good time...FIL starts in on me..."You care more about your damn dogs than you do your family!" WHAAAAT? Where did that come from? "If you cared so much about your son, why doesn't he know how to ride a bike!" Once again, hubby doesn't say a word so I tell my FIL..."Why are you asking me? Why don't you ask your son...your grandson's father?" The fight escalated from there. Basically, he blames me for everything that has gone wrong and everything that continues to go wrong. I swear, he blames me for Hurricane Katrina and global warming, too!

I hate living so close to my in-laws. I absolute hate having a husband that doesn't stick up for me and tell his father to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. It causes a strain on our marriage and I resent my husband for not having a pair to save his life.

We went to counseling last year...that helped for all of about a month. I find myself wanting an excuse...wanting out. I know that isn't fair to him or our kids because we do love each other. I just want to scream...but what good would that do?

Sorry to be in such a bummer mood. I just needed a place to talk.

I'm not sure what to advise here. It seems from your post there is too much drinking going on in the first place. Why would anyone be out in a shop drinking the day after Christmas for one thing. Also sounds like your husband needs to stand up for his family. If I were you...I'd get back into counceling and when you get things straight...move. For most people living that close to in-laws, whether it be your family or his...is not a good thing. Also, be sure none of this stuff takes place in front of the children...

I'm sorry I can't help more. I stay away more from my family. They are just too toxic and get me upset everytime I'm around them. I don't subject myself or my son to any of it. I want him to know how REAL families act. You'll have to do what you think is best...with or without hubby.

[Marilyn]

Kimberley, so sad to hear you are going through this. Please do get into some good counceling with your hubby if at all possible & moving to get into a better situation seems like a very good idea. You say that you and your husband love each other. He needs to get away from his parents also so he can focus on you and not on them. They probably did quite a number on him growing up, and he's so beat down by them it's hard for him to stand up.

If your hubby has a good job, you may be able to move to one of the area communities and still get away from them. Example, if he works at for Dow, move to Rockport or something. If this is not possible, change jobs for the sake of the family.

We're here for you!!!

[RLC12345678]

I agree with Janet that yall need to get back in counseling. And I agree with Marilyn that with parents like that, it is really not your hubby's fault that he doesn't know how to react in front of them as far as standing up for you to them. I think that is where counseling is really going to help. If you cannot move away from them, I would strongly suggest that you and your hubby both distance yourselves and your children from them. Your hubby needs to know that you and the children come FIRST. Again, this is where counseling is going to really help. GOOD LUCK to you! We're here for you! (((((((hugs))))))

[red98vett]

I know this isn't an easy solution - but MOVE AWAY FROM THEM if you can. Sometimes being too close only makes things worse. I've always gotten along with everyone in my family and can't imagine what you're going thru - that really sucks - especially about him touching you. My ex FIL was a BIG hugger and I used to laugh cause I knew WHY he was always hugging me but he was never rude to me.

Is there a way you all can move or have less contact ??

[DianaB]

I think that, like khardy (Kim), I would just stay away from all of the family gatherings and let your husband deal with his family get-togethers. Or you could go to the gathering and just plan, as soon as the first word came out of your FIL's mouth, to go home. You don't have to put up with it!

My in-laws get upset with me (mostly aunt-in-laws, go figure) and I either plan a smart remark to say back to her or I plan on leaving. My husband didn't use to stand up for me when his family attacked me and it really hurt that he could never pick sides and when he did it was usually against me. I could tell you some awful stories about how I was treated.

[Gina]

Kimberly , all the ladies gave you good advice, all I can add is my own personal experience I had with my FIL. Like your husband, my FIL always had something to say in the past and my husband never stood up for me, and that would annoy me to no end. But this came to an end, when he bothered me it was ok, but don't touch my children. I open my mouth when it comes to them.I don't live near him any longer I moved to another state and when we see each other its much better. I am no longer that little meek person, if he says something I answer back nicely of course but I get my point. I refuse to let him get to me, and my husband doesn't say anything to be honest, he doesn't have a backbone when it comes to his dad. Kimberly just stay away and go when neccessary and when he says something degrading, put him in his place. Sometimes you have to step up to the plate to get respect... Good luck!

[Brooke]

I would just put the jerk in his place. If he thinks he can talk to you like that he will...and your kids are going to grow up hearing it!!!! Think of a few really hurtful things that are true to use as come backs in advance, and when he insults you... let it rip!!! He mght think twice if you have anything you can say that hurts!!!!
I know this is not a christian attitude, but it is something that does work fairly well when you have the guts to use it!!!!
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