this is getting out of control!!!

[toodles]

so, my 2 best friends have their birthdays a day apart. we celebrated on tuesday night (one of them was tuesday and one was wednesday) but my hubby could not be at the party. so he asked if we could have another one on Friday (today) so that he could celebrate too. so we did.

so...here we are...me and my 2 friends...and my hubby is in the spare bedroom on the computer the WHOLE time. I keep going in and asking if he is planning on joining us...he says yes. He comes out and eats and then goes back in. I ask if he would like cake...he says yes. but he just stays back there. STAYS BACK THERE THE WHOLE TIME. it is insane. every time something reminds him of my tattoo, he acts like this. I have gone back there several times to try and talk to him and he just doesn't talk. he kinda responds with a "yeah" or "no" or "i'm fine". I even asked him if he would like me to ask them to leave. he said "no."

well...i have tried to talk to him...tried over and over again this evening. and he is just being pissy. I'M OVER IT!!! I cant believe he is acting so childish.

so of course...he doesn't want to come out and join us now because he is embarrassed and feels like a total @$$...which he should...

so he walks through the living room where we are watching a movie and gets a bite of cake and goes back to our bedroom. he is in bed now.

doesn't say good night. NOTHING. this is just insane. I didn't act this way when he went to a strip club and left his wedding ring on the nightstand!!! I mean...I called him and made him come and get it and put it on...but I certainly didn't stop talking to him and act all pissy. I am sorry, but I would think that would warrant a silent treatment if anything did. but I didn't play that game with him. I dont ever play that game. but here we are...I have the tattoo and he is acting out.

during the day, we laugh, cut up, have a GREAT time together. he is very affectionate and acts like the world is all sugar coated. but we get home and he starts acting like this. and in front of my friends!! when HE is the one that wanted to have them over!!!

I am not saying that I am perfect in all of this...because I am fully aware that I am not perfect in this relationship. but this is just getting to be too much!!

sorry...not really looking for advice, just needing to vent. I am pretty upset right now. I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't. It is just so hard. I would rather just call it quits most days. I don't know what to do anymore...

[cindy0721]

I understand you... sometimes these men act like 2 year olds throwing tantrums.... I understand his reasons too but he should also know how to pick his fights and understand that he has made certain decisions (i.e no wedding ring @ strip club) and you have handled it and moved on...... just breathe.... it will get better...

[Marilyn]

How long have you been married?? Sounds like you have some real communication issues. You may need to try to find a way to discuss the things that are bothering each of you in a constructive manner so you can move forward together.

[Janet]

Marilyn is right. We didn't do that and it's not good now after 32 years. Please find a way to resolve this, either through a non-interrupted talk stating your expectations and asking for his, or through counceling with a professional. I would hate for you to be in the position I am in. Life is too short and before you know it, years have gone by. Communicatin, not games is what gets couples through the most difficult times, if love is the foundation.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by Janet

Marilyn is right. We didn't do that and it's not good now after 32 years. Please find a way to resolve this, either through a non-interrupted talk stating your expectations and asking for his, or through counceling with a professional. I would hate for you to be in the position I am in. Life is too short and before you know it, years have gone by. Communicatin, not games is what gets couples through the most difficult times, if love is the foundation.

I agree. I hope you are able to work through this very quickly Mandee and in a way that will help situations like this not be so bad in the future. Marriage can be tough sometimes, but it can also be such a huge blessing. I hope that these arguments will not keep you from enjoying your marriage.

[Mandy]

I hope you guys can work thru this. Communication is the key, dont leave it to linger Toodles.

[Ponyup]

Okay, I know you said no advice, but i think this might work. Have you said you are sorry yet? I know you don't think you did anything wrong, but for whatever reason you did hurt his feelings. If you don't play games then don't play games. Walk right up to him & say: I know you are hurt about me getting a tattoo. I'm sorry I did not talk to you before getting it, but it is here now. I really like it & it makes me happy. Please talk to me about what your feeling & what I can do to make this better so we can move on & enjoy our lives.

And trust me we all went through this. The first 18 months of my marriage I was miserable, but things did get better. Once you figure out how to interact with each other it will get better. Just be patience, you too will figure out how to work with one another.

[Tink]

Toodles, Greg and I have been together for nearly 25 yrs. In that time we've had a few issues that we simply could not agree on. It's bound to happen! What gets us through it is to take a different perpective on it.

Sometimes all we have to do is ask ourselves "Will this matter in a year?" If not, it's really not worth causing misery over right now either... We apologize, agree to disagree, and let it go. Lesson learned for next time.

Obviously if your guy is still stewing about this, you somehow hit a pretty raw nerve. Just Find out how and try not to do it again. We ALL have triggers that just really bother us more than they might someone else. Part of being married is to learn what those are and respect them. It doesn't always make sense to the other partner, but it doesn't have to if we keep it in mind and work around it in the future.

HUGS I hope things get better soon.

[AngieDoogles]

Originally Posted by Tink

Toodles, Greg and I have been together for nearly 25 yrs. In that time we've had a few issues that we simply could not agree on. It's bound to happen! What gets us through it is to take a different perpective on it.

Sometimes all we have to do is ask ourselves "Will this matter in a year?" If not, it's really not worth causing misery over right now either... We apologize, agree to disagree, and let it go. Lesson learned for next time.

Obviously if your guy is still stewing about this, you somehow hit a pretty raw nerve. Just Find out how and try not to do it again. We ALL have triggers that just really bother us more than they might someone else. Part of being married is to learn what those are and respect them. It doesn't always make sense to the other partner, but it doesn't have to if we keep it in mind and work around it in the future.

HUGS I hope things get better soon.

That was great advice Tink.

[rivermom]

Hope everything gets settled with the two of you and peace is restored. I really liked what Tink had to say about it all.

[Passionfruition]

I'm so sorry this is a hard time for you guys and he's being such a jerk. I think all marriages go thru stuff like this - and good for you for loving him ANYWAY - and he will come around and appreciate you all the more for keeping such a level head about it all.

And Tink - great avice!

[judy]

I think Tink and Ponyup gave some great ideas to think about. Hopefully, this will work itself out really soon.